Category: Time

The black holes where everything goes

I’ve a mystery here, which I think there will never be an answer.

I bought a new, manual lawn-mower (well, my Dad did, I don’t have a garden) that needed to be ‘put together’ for use. All of the parts were in the box, including a little spanner to tighten the bolts. My Dad and I put all of the bars together, and tightened one of the bolts with the spanner. I was kneeling on the floor, and I was doing the tightening. I put the spanner down besides my right knee, to look at another bolt. I reached for the spanner again, and it wasn’t there. I hadn’t moved. Nothing had moved. The spanner just wasn’t there. I felt beside my left knee, in case I was mistaken, and had put the spanner down on that side, and it wasn’t there either. I felt all over the carpet on both sides, and still no spanner. I moved some of the wrapping the bars had been in, in case the spanner had somehow gone under there, but no, it wasn’t there. I checked the floor all around, and it was nowhere in sight. I’d stood up, in case the spanner was on me, and it wasn’t. I felt all over the floor – you know sometimes in can be quite difficult to see things on a patterned carpet, and again it wasn’t there. Confused, I knelt back down to see if I could tighten the bolts with my hand, and couldn’t… I needed the spanner. I stood up again, to have another look, and there it was, underneath my right knee. It was definitely not there a moment earlier, because I had been brushing that very spot with my hand.

I have no idea where that spanner went to in that moment.

This little mystery also occurs on occasions, in the opposite way. You are looking for a very important document. The one you put in the drawer that time so you would know where it was when you needed it again. You go through the whole drawer, and it isn’t there. You go through the other drawers in case you’d put it in one of them, or it had fallen into one, or it had stuck to another important document that you needed to file somewhere else. You check all places you can think of, and this one document is nowhere in sight. You go back to the first drawer you checked – the one you remember putting the document in. And there it is. The first thing in the drawer. You just know that it wasn’t there a few moments ago.

I’ve got my own theory on this. Scientists and science fiction writers mention black holes all of the time, those dense areas of the universe where, they say, nothing can survive. I think there are tiny black holes around us all of the time. They’re not black, though, they’re invisible. And they move. If we happened to put something in a place where this black hole is, the object disappears. Sometimes appearing again after a few seconds, and other times not appearing until we (un)consciously tell the black hole that we would like what we are looking for. Well, this explanation satisfies me with the reason why things go ‘walkies’, just before they’re needed most. I don’t think it will satisfy those who require a more rational explanation.

Another thought has just struck me about these black holes… they must be somehow connected to us, as we never find someone else’s document, or a different tool, or whatever else wasn’t there a short while ago.

Just when I thought I’d got to the bottom of one of my mysteries, another question appears. I did say I think there will never be an answer… I’m going to try and keep some awareness about me next time this happens, just to see if I can see into one of these black holes. Well, you never know…

It only feels like last week!

The Eurovision has entertained me for many, many years. It has been running longer than I have been in this existence, and now, with the magic of the internet I can find clips of all of my favourite Eurovision entries. Some of the really old ones, from the days when TVs were mostly in black and white, aren’t included here, for two reasons. Most of the Eurovisions I remember were in colour, and although I like some of the songs from the early days, I didn’t see them performed live. These songs listed here are from shows that I watched on my (or someone else’s) colour television set.

They also aren’t in any order. I just thought I’d mix them all up and put them all out!

First out of the hat, from the year 2000, is Claudette Pace with “Desire”, for Malta. It didn’t win, but it is a bubbly little number!

Just had to squeeze this one in here (yes, I know I’ve only just started!) but also from 2000, Denmark entered and won with the Olsen Brothers singing “Fly On The Wings Of Love”

Waaay back, in 1991, France entered the contest with Amina singing “Le Dernier Qui a Parlé”. A song that has travelled through time with me – it’s very unusual, but very good. I was humming it this morning! And thinking about it, 1991 isn’t really that long ago… is it?

Jumping forward slightly, to 1994, Frances Ruffelle represented the United Kingdom with “Lonely symphony”. I find this song to be very anthemic.

Three songs now from 1998: from the UK, Iceland and Russia. And the UK won! Katrina and The Waves “Love Shine A Light”; Paul Oscar “Minn Hinsti Dans” (must be seen!) and Alla Pugachova “Primadonna” – I really liked this one! 

Last year’s contest had four songs that I had to play over again. Iceland’s Yohanna, “Is It True?” goes without saying that this is one of my favourite songs of all time! And I love the way it was staged in Moscow. Absolutely stunning!

Portugal’s Flor-de-lis with “Todas As Ruas Do Amor” is another happy bubbly song. And last year’s winner, Alexander Rybak for Norway, with “Fairytale” ‘I’m in lurrrrve with a fairytale…’ OK, I’ll not sing.  The fourth of my favourites from last year is Chiara who sung “What If We” for Malta. This is the song that features the line “If you don’t know your destination, who determines your destiny?” Quite a valid statement, if you ask me.

Back to 2000 again. Russia entered this year with Alsou singing “Solo” I have to ‘do the dance’ with this one. Love it!

In 2004, James Fox represented the United Kingdom with “Hold On To Our Love” A good song I thought and should have come higher placed than 16th.

In 1994 Germany asked MeKaDo to sing “Wir Geben ‘ne Party” and got me boogying!

Gina G’s “Just A Little Bit” appeared in the 1996 contest, for the United Kingdom.

And another of my all-time favourites is from 1995, Aud Wilken, for Denmark, singing “Fra Mols Til Skagen”

And there we have it. Fifteen or so of my Eurovision faves. There are more. Many more. Far too many to write about here. I’ll see if I can add some videos one day of some of the songs, but until then, have a look for them on You Tube. They’re not to everyone’s taste, but I like them.

I do enjoy my travels through time 🙂 !

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Multiple bodies at separate times

Up to now, I’ve had five different bodies in my lifetime. No – make that six – I’ve just remembered another one.

Those bodies are, in no particular order: Fat, baby, muscular, thin, child and blond.

I’m in my fat body now. Before that I was in my thin body. Fat again before that, and muscular (and toned) before that. Blond twice before that. Fat before that. Thin before that. Child before that. And baby before that.

I’ve been me all the way through those different bodies, but have been completely different depending on what body I was wearing at the time. Yes, I’ve always been quiet. Yes, I’ve always liked to keep myself to myself. (Can’t really comment on my baby body, but I’m presuming I was similar). But my thoughts have always been my own throughout time. Well, I hope they have, anyhow.

I’ve looked so different with each body.

Looking at some older photos of me, even I don’t recognise myself. How weird is that?

I’ve classed blond as a separate body; as I looked different during one of my thin to muscular stages, and wanted to keep it separate. I don’t have any photos of my blond stage unfortunately. There must be some somewhere, though – I’ll send a cosmic order for some to turn up (but only nice ones – if there’s any of me in questionable situations I don’t want to see them!!!)

Thinking back, I’ve actually felt different in each body. I had more confidence in my thin and muscular bodies, less confidence in my fat body. I was of the highest confidence level ever in my blond body. I had more energy in my child body. And just a warm memory from my baby body.

There’s a part in The Secret that mentions the cells of the body are constantly being replaced, and over time we can have a brand new body. I don’t think it was referring to my example above, but I quite like my take on it. I did feel differently within each different stage of my life, and my body was completely different. All I need to do is remember the aspects of each particular stage of my life that I liked, and bring them forward into my life now. I can clearly remember how my life was at each stage (well, apart from baby, but that was a nice memory), as everything I experienced then was part of my life. If I like it, I’ll have it again, thank you very much.

I won’t have the rocker bleached blond look again. I really did love that look, but I was at the right age at the time (in my opinion) although it was a bit of a shock to others when they first saw me. The look on their faces was hilarious, but they got to like it too, in the end. Besides, my crown is a bit bigger nowadays, so my hair may look a bit orange around the middle! I’ll have to try to bring forward the part of my body that had a full crown. When I get that back, I may just go blond for one more time! Only joking!!!

I keep saying I can have the life that I want. I just have to know what I want, and do what I need to, to ensure that I can get closer to actually achieving what I want. Some things will come to me without me having to do much work; others, I’ll have to do a bit more. I am entitled to have my life as I want to have it, so I might as well have it in the body I want to have too!

I’ll have the perfect body. I’ll have the perfect personality. I’ll wear the perfect clothes for me. I’ll be the perfect person. I’ll have my perfect life. I’ll be able to help others to achieve their perfect lives too.

Writing this blog has made me seem to be very selfish, and self-centred. Well, the blog certainly is self-centered. It’s my blog, and it’s about me. It’s about me getting to know myself better. I’ve decided to publish it, rather than keeping a journal, as it is a different way of expressing my self.

I don’t think I’m selfish, however, although a certain level of selfishness is perfectly acceptable. What good would we be to anyone, if we spent all of our time for other people, leaving none for ourselves?

If any of my posts make you smile, or think just a bit differently, then that is a bonus. I’m doing this blog to get to know me better. And do you know what? It is working already!

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Living the dream?

I’ve had many dreams over the years. Some of them have been amazing adventures… in some, I’ve been flying all over town just taking in the views from different perspectives… in others, I’ve had problems coming in to land after flying. Some dreams have seen me visit ‘strange’ places, but I knew them like the back of my hand… some I have travelled back in time and visited my family (and even myself when I was little)… others I have been living in a very large house, with many rooms. Quite a lot of my dreams are very vivid, some scary, but on the whole they are extremely pleasant.

I bought a dream dictionary once, found the interpretations very interesting, until one person I worked with made me see them in a different light. She simply said “how can anyone else interpret what my dreams mean?” And since then, I haven’t used the dream dictionary.

I love reading or hearing about other people’s dreams too, but don’t comment on them now, unless I’m passing a light hearted comment about something happening to the dreamer. Well… 😉

Like my friend said, dreams are personal, and my dream of my extremely large multi-roomed house, with large gardens, three floors, balconies, sun terraces, split level flooring on the ground floor, hidden staircase to the third floor, large windows, and one room that is decorated like something from the 1950s  will mean something completely different to someone else who may have a similar dream.

I’ve noticed that a lot of my dreams include height. I’m either flying very high (although in one embarrassingly vivid dream, I was flying at a snail’s pace one centimetre above the ground. I was flying, but to everyone around me it looked as though I was just lying on the floor.) Or there are stairs, different levels, or I’m looking down off rooftops. I’m sure the dream dictionary would cover these as ‘reaching for great heights’ or ‘feeling superior over others’ or ‘need to reach new levels’ or something like that. There may be some truth in that. I do want to live in my large house (the one I’ve described above) but does it ever exist? Am I reaching for something I cannot attain? Or am I getting myself ready for when I am soaring high, in my amazing pad?

That feeling superior over others isn’t true at all. I read a quote recently that went something like ‘in reality, nothing is superior. Likewise nothing is inferior. It just is’. So there!

The odd thing about my dreams of the house… there’s always the many rooms, the many levels, the many stairs, the many doors, the many different ways to get there, the many rooftop terraces, the many gardens, the many other things… the house is completely different in each dream, yet it is always very familiar. It is definitely my house that is for sure. I am never aware that I am dreaming, but my one bedroom flat is completely different, so I would hope that one day I will become aware that I am dreaming.

That is one of the things that I must experience; Lucid Dreaming. Being asleep, knowing you are dreaming, and being able to control when, where and how you go, and who you meet. Imagine the possibilities… what can be learned, what can be done… I’m not at that stage yet, so I can only dream! <- See what I did there?!

Whether I do learn to become conscious in my dreams, or not, will have to wait to be seen… as soon as I do it though, I’ll have something big to write about! In the meantime, I can but only go on, enjoying, and living my dreams. Even if they aren’t an exact match to my current reality, I’m happy with what I’ve got.

But I wonder. When I get my house, what will I dream of then?

What was I thinking?

Blimey, I’ve done some embarrassing things over the years.

In my second job, I worked for BT for a few years as an operator. I wasn’t too keen on the Directory Enquiries part of the job, although some days were better than others. I did enjoy working on the switchboard answering 100 and 999 calls. The switchboard was the old plug type, and the headsets were great big trumpet things that looked as though they came out of the ark. Just before I left, the switchboard was being replaced by a new-fangled computer system, which I also had the pleasure to use for a few months. No, the job wasn’t embarrassing, although it got a bit iffy when I said the wrong thing. What was embarrassing was what I did to my hair.

There was an engineer who had his hair quite fluffy. It was sticking up, but not spiky, if that makes sense. It did actually look good. And you must remember this was the early to mid eighties, and everyone had big hair. I wanted my hair to look better. Not that I was competing with this engineer, but because I felt inspired by him. We never really spoke, so I suppose he inspired me from afar. I bought myself some hairspray (I think it was called Falcon or something – I’m not sure if it still available today) and styled my hair in a floppy yet spiky way. Now my hair is extremely strong. It is fine and very straight. And I’m sure it does what it wants to do. So I went to work with my hair sticking up all over the place, held into place with this hairspray, until I got outside, in the wind, and had to wait for the bus. By the time I had got to work, only half of the hair was up, the other half was down and goodness only knows how the back was. I also had to wear the vice-like trumpet headset all day, so there was also a ridge going over the top. Embarrassing enough, but I think I wore my hair like that for about a month. I don’t think I ever looked at the engineer again after that.

Moving forward a few years, there was a talent night in one of the local pubs, which took place every Sunday night. It was a bit like ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ but on a much smaller scale and without the judges. It was open to everyone. In the beginning, only a handful of people attended. The acts were funny, and entertaining. And the nights were good. A lot of my family went, and every so often one of them would go on stage and perform a song, or dance or mini show. One of our friends suggested that we (Me and her) perform the following week. I thought it was a good idea. I was drinking wine, quantro and lemonade in a tall glass at the time which will probably explain why I said yes.  Well, we practised the song (“You’re the one that I want” from Grease – I’m not sure what its correct title is) using plastic spoons as microphones, and drinking lemon Hooch and eating strawberries. We were good. Maybe to ourselves, but we were. We were ready to perform. The Sunday night arrived, and we walked into the room. It was full to overflowing. Our party always sat in the corner at the back, so there were seats for us, but I have no idea why it was so busy that night. I’d mentioned to a few people that I was doing the song with my friend, but that could not have been the reason why so many people turned up. Well that was it. Being the shy type, my nerve went. We got up on stage – we’d talked one of my cousins in to providing some backing harmonies for us – and the second problem occurred. The musicians didn’t know the music. So we asked them just to strum their guitars, and we would sing anyway. My friend started singing, but the wrong words. I just stood there, and someone from the room shouted “What does the dummy do?” I just started laughing and had to leave the stage. Luckily the place was dark, so I don’t think my luminous red face was that noticeable as I walked through the crowd to my seat in the corner.

I love my embarrassing moments. Well, not all of them, and there really are some humdingers that I really do want to forget. I’ll use EFT on the memory of these extremely awkward moments to see if that will make them feel any better – I’m sure it will. The way I see things now, there is no point regretting anything I have done – they’re done, and that’s that. The two examples above have only come back to mind since I started writing this blog, so I’m sure there will be more.  I think I can see some intense tapping coming up very soon.