Tag: Short Story

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The Superhero Diaries 4.10: Turn Around

The Elite Force of Britain, a group of superheroes who banded together for the good of all. A group of superheroes missing for a while. A group of superheroes shocked after hearing terrible news regarding one of their friends. A group of superheroes who find the real truth within a social media chat on their internal private streams of the übersite, UMetroNetworkMediaK, or UMNMK for short. Adapted to the team’s needs, the site itself is impenetrable to outside sources, however a slight hick up with the operating system caused part of the conversation to be broadcast worldwide…

The Firetop:
I can’t believe any of you would do such a thing

Lycralad:
Hi Firetop. What’s going on?
The Firetop:
You pick the right time to go on holiday, buddy.
Lycralad:
You were away too… but why? What have I missed this time?
The Firetop:
Nothing much really – only this bunch of idiots getting Parrot Girl killed
Lycralad:
What? NO. When? How? What happened? OMG Surprised smile
The Firetop:
Last week. They sent her after Simba Katiya and she through her under a lorry. She isn’t even part of the team.

auto-correct has automatically corrected the spelling of the word threw to through
BettyStretch246:
Just joining, guys. Is it true? I don’t believe it.
Psychic Sue:
Please, all, remain calm.
BettyStretch246:
Psychic Sue – how can you ask us to remain calm. This isn’t right.
Psychic Sue:
It isn’t, Betty. Please all, remain calm.
BettyStretch246:
Well, you are the current team leader. But you must tell us what has happened. We – and especially Firetop – deserve to know. And I’m so glad thet Viridian managed to fix that ridiculous text limitation thing on this platform. That was so infuriating

auto-correct suggests they; them, that; this; tibet; thermoluminescence
Psychic Sue:
Indeed. He now needs to work on the spell checker.
BettyStretch246:
OK. He’ll do that. But… Parrot Girl? What happened?
Psychic Sue:
As we were travelling around the world (or on holiday, Lycralad Winking smile) both recruiting for our international team and thwarting most of the plans Supervillains United and their international associates were attempting, we needed undercover support here in the UK. So we called upon Parrot Girl and a few others for help. And, they were all willing to assist.
The Firetop:
I don’t think she was willing to be sent to her doom, Sue.
The Crimson Songbird:
None of us are willing for that, Firetop. Sorry, I’ve just joined in the chat. We aren’t willing for it, but as superheroes we have to be prepared for it – for any eventuality, in fact. Like the time we were lost in time. The important thing is getting through and making things count.
Icewind:
Hello, Elite Force of Britain. May I introduce myself?
The Crimson Songbird:
This is a secure channel, ‘Icewind’. How have you gained access to here?
Icewind:
I have full clearance, my friend Crimson Songbird. I have full access rights as do all current EFB mambers. This was granted to me by your team leader. And I am not the only one.

auto-correct suggests mambo number five
The Crimson Songbird:
Psychic Sue? Is thi true? I suppose it must be – but why? And isn’t this something we shovel all be aware of in advance?

auto-correct suggests chi
auto-correct has automatically corrected the word shoul to shovel
Icewind:
I agree that you should have known before I simply joined the chat, but we have to speak to you all now. Answers will be provided, you will see. And yes, auto-correct does need looking at.
Simba Katiya:
I think seeing my presence here will no doubt shock and annoy you. Deception was a necessity in this case, team. I make no apologies for that.
The Firetop:
You certainly have no right to be here, witch. You are a thief and now a murderess. I’ve activated the auto-tracker to locate Simba Katiya. I can’t believe this

auto-correct has automatically corrected the word auto-tracjer to auto-tracker
auto-tracker has been initiated. location detection protocol initiated. analysing…
The Crimson Songbird:
Psychic Sue would never give access to a super criminal, Simba Katiya. We are tracking you. Keep strong, Firetop.
Simba Katiya:
Please do (track me and keep strong). We are at the newly discovered headquarters of Supervillains United. They were holding their recruitment open day, and supervillains from all across the globe have turned up to find out if they had made it onto the team. Needless to say we have rounded them up. Each and every one of them! Open-mouthed smile
PaRRotGirl-official:
Hi guys! It’s me… Parrot Girl! And not my ghost either! I agreed to be bait to lull the supervillains into a false sense of security about Simba – she’s a goodie, really. And a really good goodie to boot!
Simba Katiya:
Just doing what I had to, PG. You took more of a risk than I did.
PaRRotGirl-official:
I just played a part. You put your whole reputation on the line to help the team –and the world! The rest of us thank you for that – and I’m sure once Firetop calms down and allows the bigger picture to sink in, he will see that aswell.

auto-correct suggests aslan
The Firetop:
I’m starting to – but I’m feeling a little let down. It’s a trust thing. We need trust in the team to work properly. We need trust in the relationship. I don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m all over the place. Good to see you, babe, but. Ah. I think we need a chat later.
Simba Katiya:
Being a superhero isn’t always about the good and the glory, Firetop – I’m sure you understand that. Parrot Girl did what was needed to ensure the ultimate success in the mission, and that we all achieved. The more who knew the less chance we had. I know you get that.

 

The Firetop:
I do. I do. it was just too close this time. Way too close.
BettyStretch246:
We all felt it, Firetop. There’s nothing to say this kind of mission won’t crop up again in the future. We have to be prepared to know that sometimes things are happening that we aren’t meant to be privy to. It seems a lot untrusting, though.
Muriel Magnificent:
Hi team. I disagree, Betty. With the threats we come up against these days, mind readers and body watchers will be able to detect our plans even before we’ve come up with them. Major cases and missions such as this one should be kept top secret – even to the rest of the team. For all we know another top secret mission could be taking place right now, outside of our knowledge. Oh, I do love this new interface, where I can type without all that didiculous stopping and starting

auto-correct suggests diplodocus
Viridian:
I’m pleased to see the new platform working correctly. I’m working on auto-correct to have a lot more functionality than what it currently has. Wait and see, guys. It is good to see you Parrot Girl… and good to see you again, Simba.
The Stealth Gent:
As usual, I’mlate to the chat. Sounds like a good deception to me.

error: auto-correct has no suggestion to make
The Green Gladiator:
I’ve just got here too, Stealth. I think a need to know basis is good, but we should be made aware of any such events taking place in the future – even if it is just a little nod to say somethings going on within the team.
PaRRotGirl-official:
Ah, but this time, Green, it wasn’t the team. Simba Katiya, me, Angel Change, Icewind, Raydarr and Felyne all agreed to join together on Psychic Sue’s request. Sue kept everyone else out of the loop completely in two ways – by sending everyone overseas and by blocking any clues from entering the minds of the team. It was needed to be done, and I would do it again in the future if needed.
Lycralad:
I don’t know why you don’t just join the team, Parrots… you work well within a team. Any team.
Muriel Magnificent:
I’ll second that if it’s a nomination, Lycra Lad. In fact, I’ll nomintae you all for EFB membership

auto-correct suggests nominate; nominal
Angel Change:
As a nod, as Green Gladiator requested, some of us already may be…
The Crimson Songbird:
Intruiging. Hello Angel Change. Could I just point out the obvious, however. We now know something was ging on; and an external team have been broght in tocreate a distraction to enable the entire SVU o be catured, but what has actually happened? How did Parrt Girl being hit by a lorry result in the SVU being caught? How did bot simna and Parrot girl know parrots wouldn’t be hurt by the lorry? And who are Raydarr and Felyne?

auto-correct suggests intriguing
auto-correct suggests ginger; going; grinch; gyrating; gesticulating
auto-correct suggests brought
error: auto-correct has no suggestion to make
error: auto-correct has no suggestion to make
auto-correct suggests captured
auto-correct suggests parror
auto-correct has automatically corrected the word lorre to lorry
error; auto-correct suggests simba;;;
auto-correct has crashed due to a cross communication conflict with the location detection protocol; auto-tracker has detected its target but database resources have returned an internal error. An external infringement violation has been detected, automatic shutdown and lockout protocols initiated.
auto-correct suggests manual override needed
auto-correct is now closing down all communication channels

The Superhero Diaries will return some time next year


 

ConfusionFeel GOOD!Super HeroesWell, I Never!

The Superhero Diaries 4.9: Draft Declaration

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problems for everyday folk as and when they arise. Arch foes to groups of supervillains such as Supervillains United, they regularly thwart their despicable plans. Recently, however, the team returned from an as-yet-unknown mission which left the world pondering the possibility they had gone for good. Many celebrated the heroes’ return, but some, the supervillains in particular, were none too pleased, as this letter (found discarded in a skip) indicates.

Dear Superheroes,

Just as you made your ridiculous return into our world, to all the joy and celebrations of those who do not know any better, please let it be known that your disappearance has given us, Supervillains United, and the ever-expanding groups of supervillains in the greater world, the strength and direction to know that we can and will manage to overthrow and undermine and control and infiltrate and subvert and dissect and take over, bit by bit and piece by piece, every single strand and aspect and division of society that you seem to feel you stand to uphold and value.

Please be aware that we have the means to watch your every move, track your every motion, hear each and every heartbeat, and relish every bead of sweat that drip from your foreheads as you cower in fear and frustration at what your disappearance has called.

You will all, one by one, individually and then collectively, fall at our hands, beg for our mercy, and then, if we deem you worthy, will join our ranks. Those of you unworthy, of whom there are many, will be crushed and discarded.

We are the way forward. We are the controllers of destiny. We are united in our goal and you superheroes, even with your vast array of superpowers, gadgets and cunning, will find yourselves powerless and belittled in our mist.

And you will find your numbers diminishing once again. One by one you will vanish, disappear, or turn away. Your weakness is our strength, our food, and we are all hungry.

To start your decline, we already have one of your number. Captured as she was like a fly in a spider’s web, Parrot Girl was the first to fall foul to our advances. Simba Katiya was the victor in this battle. Parrot Girl didn’t stand a chance against the articulated lorry that she was thrown into the path of.

Keep your eyes peeled, ‘heroes’, for we know who our next target is. The world will soon be free. Well, free from your ‘protection’ as you seem to think. We can and will show the world the true meaning and cost of protection. This is our vow. You will join us or fall. We are united. Supervillains United. And we will not fail in our mission.

By Halloween it will all be over.

Kind Regards,

The Dropped Apostophe
pp. Simba Katiya
Prof-reader: Re’type – typo in parragraph for – mist should be midst – and the whle meaning of the letter seem’s too …soft

**********


ConfusionFeel GOOD!QuestionsSuper HeroesThe World

The Superhero Diaries 4.8: Interventions

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problems for everyday folk as and when they arise. Arch foes to groups of supervillains such as Supervillains United, they regularly thwart their dastardly plans. Recently, however, the team seem to have disappeared from existence. Reports have been filtering through that our heroes may be staging a return – albeit a subtle one. Following on from last week’s report that featured in The Mid and Up Chronicle, here’s another from The Olde Yorke Digeste:


A roofless ruin in an abandoned town is hardly the setting for an armed siege, but that is exactly what happened on Tuesday. Linda, Tasmania, was the scene, and the stage was set through the open windows of the old Royal Hotel. Holed up inside the building’s shell were members of the UK’s The Pinchem Mob, a subsidiary of Supervillains United. They were, apparently, waiting to be picked up with their as-yet-undisclosed ill-gotten gains, and decided to use Linda as their meeting point.

The arrested members of the group, who were all wrapped in steel girders when dropped off at a police station in Hobart, didn’t speak when asked questions by the police. Fire crews were called to cut them out of the girders, and each one of the five arrested had a note clipped to their shirts with a signed confession attached. The notes also contained details of where their stolen items had been kept for safe keeping. The notes were counter-signed by ‘a friend’.

The strange thing is, which was only disclosed afterwards when one of the Pinchem Mob couldn’t keep quiet any longer, none of them saw who caught them. One minute, he said, they were waiting, and the next they were wrapped in girders and being bundled onto what looked like a Stealth Jet.

Only one person owns their own Stealth Jet, according to British media, and that is the Stealth Gentleman. With no sightings of this British superhero, one can only wonder if it was truly him. And ask why appear in Tasmania? Of course, the other question is why the Pinchem Mob would be there also… but with supervillains being as despicable as they are they could be anywhere.

The strange encounters have continued throughout this week. On Tuesday in San Pedro, Chile, a missing chicken sign was returned to the restaurant from where it had belonged to the owners for generations. The thief, who named himself Pedro Galvarino (although his documents seized by police indicated a different name), handed himself and the chicken sign in to police. He said, rather confused, that he was taking the chicken as a trophy, but a woman’s voice in his head commanded that he walk with it to the nearest police station. He said the voice was telling him to go to the nearest police station to her so he had walked for hours with it, the leather on the soles of his shoes in tatters. As he didn’t know where the woman’s voice was coming from, he eventually threw himself through the doors of the first police station he came across.

British media have advised this seems to be the work of Psychic Sue, although they are baffled why she would make the thief walk so far. In the end, they think he may have misinterpreted her instructions. Why would she be in Chile?

And on Wednesday, in Kiambu, Kenya, a group of joggers out for their daily exercise found themselves running into the British supervillain The Dyemaster. Their neat white shorts and green tee shirts were splattered by various colours of dye from the pesky villain’s Dyegun, and he was attempting to tie-dye dry them if they didn’t hand over their bank cards and pin numbers. Obviously not being the brightest tool in the box, the Dyemaster hadn’t realised the joggers were joggers and thought they were tourists. Still, attempted theft is a crime to some, and tie-dye is one to others, so he had to be stopped. Within seconds, the Dyegun vanished from sight, as did the TieDyeDryer. The supervillain was thwarted by an unseen force and the jiggers were asked to sit on him until the police arrived, who were mere seconds away.

British media say this sounds like the work of Invisible Charlie, but have no idea why he is in Kenya.

Supervillains United released a news release mocking these reports, advising that the superheroes no longer protect Britain or the world and these reports are mere figments of people’s terrified imaginations.

The police forces in all the countries concerned confirm the stories as true, so we here at the Olde Yorke Digeste are convinced that our superheroes are still with us, and are on a secret mission. They will return in due course.

And we live in hope, as always.


Feel GOOD!GhostsLegendsMysterySuper Heroes

The Superhero Diaries 4.7: Apparitions

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problem after problem. Recently, the team appear to have disappeared from existence… or have they? The diabolical supervillain organisation Supervillains United are going to great lengths to try to prove newspaper reports to the contrary that the superheroes appear to be making a comeback. Nothing definite, but such reports are giving citizens everywhere the hope they are longing for. Here’s a report from the local newspaper The Mid and Up Chronicle:

What links Moyobamba, Peru, Adelaide, South Africa, and Dalvík, Iceland? Certainly not their geographical locations, weather systems, populations, or distances from London. But each of these three places and, it is beginning to transpire, other places around the globe, are starting to experience a most unusual – but certainly linked – phenomenon.

A coach party in Moyobamba report being held up at a crossroads by a team of heavily armed and military clothed men, one of whom was about to step aboard the coach when all around them the sound of a beautiful dawn chorus was heard. The would-be highwaymen fell to the floor, screaming and holding their ears as the sound was deafening. The coach party heard relaxing birdsong. The man who tried to get onto the bus was lifted by the collar of his jacket and thrown back out through the open door. There was no physical presence, but a lady sitting close to the front of the coach caught glimpses of the colour crimson and the scent of a familiar perfume.

A traffic warden in Adelaide was lifted off her feet shortly before an out-of-control jeep careered into the brick wall by which she was walking. Although she remembers seeing nobody around her, she could feel a pair of extremely long arms lifting her over to the other side of the road; and she definitely remembers feeling the arms become shorter as she was placed back onto the ground. She also remembers hearing the words “You’re safe now”.

And a couple of tourists in Dalvík found themselves an unusual problem when their popcorn making machine failed, when suddenly the corn in the bag started popping all by itself, the top of the bag bursting into flames briefly before opening, allowing the tourists to devour the delicious and hot popcorn.

These reports point out to us here at the Chronicle that the powers of three of the Elite Force of Britain are being used: Crimson Songbird’s warbling in Peru; Bettystretch’s stretching ability in South Africa; and Firetop’s heat control powers in Iceland. Why they are in those places remains as much a mystery as why the superheroes disappeared in the first place, but if they are where the stories are filtering through from, it means that the superheroes are here on Earth with us. Hidden, and appearing as ghosts or apparitions, but they are here.

Supervillains United have discounted these reports as fake news, and dismissed them as fireside ghost stories.

The team here at the Chronicle feel otherwise, and hope that these reports are the start of the return of the Elite Force of Britain.


ConfusionDirectionFeel GOOD!HopeSuper Heroes

The Superhero Diaries 4.6: Corporate Support

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problem after problem. Recently, the team appear to have disappeared from the face of the planet – from the Universe, in fact! The despicable supervillain organisation Supervillains United have noticed this and have taken matters into their own hands with one goal in mind: world domination. People everywhere are now starting to demand the superheroes’ return following an open letter sent to the EFB by a child named Emily last week. Here are some of the letters from companies willing to share their concerns:

Dear Emily,
We too anxiously await the return of the superheroes.
We have found that superheroes aren’t necessarily people who possess remarkable abilities, but rather people who use whatever abilities they have, great or small, for the good of all.
Normal, everyday people can be, and are, superheroes. Although with the onslaught of the current super-powered supervillains we ordinary people are somewhat powerless to stop them, we do have one thing which will, in the end, defeat them.
That one thing is HOPE.
We join you in the hope that our superheroes return very soon.
Kind Regards,
Scott Urban (aged 45) and the rest of the UrbanArtiz team.

Dear Superheroes,
As a company that has been on the receiving end of despicable and frustrating antics from a variety of supervillains and the dastardly Supervillains United supergroup, we add our voice to the growing number of frustrated citizens waiting for the urgent return of our missing superheroes.
We wait to see you in our skies, on our roads, in our waters, and on our televisions (properly) once again.
The Sunbottle Labelling Company (A part of AMCE Industries)

Dear Emily and Tiddle’s,
We were moved by your open letter that had been so callously discarded last week, we had to write.
Like you, we need our superheroes to return, and like you we want them back as soon as possible.
We at Spark’s Electrical Goods have had a long association with the Elite Force of Britain, and are waiting to hear of their return.
Thank you,
Mr Sparks

My Dear EFB,
We at Hemingway’s Quality Tailors and Cleaners are proud to have been serving you, our most excellent superheroes since you formed as a team all those years ago. We hope you are well, and upon your return will be delighted to share with you our latest special offers on repairs and costume amendments, should you require them – as always, discretion is assured.
Please return soon (we are currently working a three day week and have had to lay off two staff, so your absence is definitely being felt here).
See you VERY soon,
Charles T. Hemingway and Sons

Dear Elite Force of Britain,
We at the Pyramid have been rescued many times by your members, either individually, or in a group, and really appreciate all of the help you have given us.
Our door security will be the first to admit that they are no match for some of the supervillain clientele who call in here every now and then, so we look forward to your return.
When you do, please call in and we will extend Happy Hour to Happy Saturday in your honour.
Please return soon.
The Management and Staff at The Pyramid