Category: The World

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The Superhero Diaries 4.8: Interventions

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problems for everyday folk as and when they arise. Arch foes to groups of supervillains such as Supervillains United, they regularly thwart their dastardly plans. Recently, however, the team seem to have disappeared from existence. Reports have been filtering through that our heroes may be staging a return – albeit a subtle one. Following on from last week’s report that featured in The Mid and Up Chronicle, here’s another from The Olde Yorke Digeste:


A roofless ruin in an abandoned town is hardly the setting for an armed siege, but that is exactly what happened on Tuesday. Linda, Tasmania, was the scene, and the stage was set through the open windows of the old Royal Hotel. Holed up inside the building’s shell were members of the UK’s The Pinchem Mob, a subsidiary of Supervillains United. They were, apparently, waiting to be picked up with their as-yet-undisclosed ill-gotten gains, and decided to use Linda as their meeting point.

The arrested members of the group, who were all wrapped in steel girders when dropped off at a police station in Hobart, didn’t speak when asked questions by the police. Fire crews were called to cut them out of the girders, and each one of the five arrested had a note clipped to their shirts with a signed confession attached. The notes also contained details of where their stolen items had been kept for safe keeping. The notes were counter-signed by ‘a friend’.

The strange thing is, which was only disclosed afterwards when one of the Pinchem Mob couldn’t keep quiet any longer, none of them saw who caught them. One minute, he said, they were waiting, and the next they were wrapped in girders and being bundled onto what looked like a Stealth Jet.

Only one person owns their own Stealth Jet, according to British media, and that is the Stealth Gentleman. With no sightings of this British superhero, one can only wonder if it was truly him. And ask why appear in Tasmania? Of course, the other question is why the Pinchem Mob would be there also… but with supervillains being as despicable as they are they could be anywhere.

The strange encounters have continued throughout this week. On Tuesday in San Pedro, Chile, a missing chicken sign was returned to the restaurant from where it had belonged to the owners for generations. The thief, who named himself Pedro Galvarino (although his documents seized by police indicated a different name), handed himself and the chicken sign in to police. He said, rather confused, that he was taking the chicken as a trophy, but a woman’s voice in his head commanded that he walk with it to the nearest police station. He said the voice was telling him to go to the nearest police station to her so he had walked for hours with it, the leather on the soles of his shoes in tatters. As he didn’t know where the woman’s voice was coming from, he eventually threw himself through the doors of the first police station he came across.

British media have advised this seems to be the work of Psychic Sue, although they are baffled why she would make the thief walk so far. In the end, they think he may have misinterpreted her instructions. Why would she be in Chile?

And on Wednesday, in Kiambu, Kenya, a group of joggers out for their daily exercise found themselves running into the British supervillain The Dyemaster. Their neat white shorts and green tee shirts were splattered by various colours of dye from the pesky villain’s Dyegun, and he was attempting to tie-dye dry them if they didn’t hand over their bank cards and pin numbers. Obviously not being the brightest tool in the box, the Dyemaster hadn’t realised the joggers were joggers and thought they were tourists. Still, attempted theft is a crime to some, and tie-dye is one to others, so he had to be stopped. Within seconds, the Dyegun vanished from sight, as did the TieDyeDryer. The supervillain was thwarted by an unseen force and the jiggers were asked to sit on him until the police arrived, who were mere seconds away.

British media say this sounds like the work of Invisible Charlie, but have no idea why he is in Kenya.

Supervillains United released a news release mocking these reports, advising that the superheroes no longer protect Britain or the world and these reports are mere figments of people’s terrified imaginations.

The police forces in all the countries concerned confirm the stories as true, so we here at the Olde Yorke Digeste are convinced that our superheroes are still with us, and are on a secret mission. They will return in due course.

And we live in hope, as always.


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The Superhero Diaries 4.7: Apparitions

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problem after problem. Recently, the team appear to have disappeared from existence… or have they? The diabolical supervillain organisation Supervillains United are going to great lengths to try to prove newspaper reports to the contrary that the superheroes appear to be making a comeback. Nothing definite, but such reports are giving citizens everywhere the hope they are longing for. Here’s a report from the local newspaper The Mid and Up Chronicle:

What links Moyobamba, Peru, Adelaide, South Africa, and Dalvík, Iceland? Certainly not their geographical locations, weather systems, populations, or distances from London. But each of these three places and, it is beginning to transpire, other places around the globe, are starting to experience a most unusual – but certainly linked – phenomenon.

A coach party in Moyobamba report being held up at a crossroads by a team of heavily armed and military clothed men, one of whom was about to step aboard the coach when all around them the sound of a beautiful dawn chorus was heard. The would-be highwaymen fell to the floor, screaming and holding their ears as the sound was deafening. The coach party heard relaxing birdsong. The man who tried to get onto the bus was lifted by the collar of his jacket and thrown back out through the open door. There was no physical presence, but a lady sitting close to the front of the coach caught glimpses of the colour crimson and the scent of a familiar perfume.

A traffic warden in Adelaide was lifted off her feet shortly before an out-of-control jeep careered into the brick wall by which she was walking. Although she remembers seeing nobody around her, she could feel a pair of extremely long arms lifting her over to the other side of the road; and she definitely remembers feeling the arms become shorter as she was placed back onto the ground. She also remembers hearing the words “You’re safe now”.

And a couple of tourists in Dalvík found themselves an unusual problem when their popcorn making machine failed, when suddenly the corn in the bag started popping all by itself, the top of the bag bursting into flames briefly before opening, allowing the tourists to devour the delicious and hot popcorn.

These reports point out to us here at the Chronicle that the powers of three of the Elite Force of Britain are being used: Crimson Songbird’s warbling in Peru; Bettystretch’s stretching ability in South Africa; and Firetop’s heat control powers in Iceland. Why they are in those places remains as much a mystery as why the superheroes disappeared in the first place, but if they are where the stories are filtering through from, it means that the superheroes are here on Earth with us. Hidden, and appearing as ghosts or apparitions, but they are here.

Supervillains United have discounted these reports as fake news, and dismissed them as fireside ghost stories.

The team here at the Chronicle feel otherwise, and hope that these reports are the start of the return of the Elite Force of Britain.


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Forager!

I was out walking by the Lake the other day, nonchalantly strolling around as one does on a cooling Autumn day. Movement on one of the rocks caught my eye, so out came the mobile phone and out came the camera! You can just make out the ‘what’ towards the top of this photo.

Oops… sorry – maybe now would be a good time to say ‘Warning! May Contain Bugs!’

In the blink of an eye, this little chap made his way down the rock, to feast on whatever it found lurking in the moss and plant life a little further down:

It’s a shield bug. Normally they are a green/brown colour (well, the ones I normally see are!), but this one caught my eye because of its purples, blues and oranges. I do like a splash of colour, I do. Here he posed to show off his good side:

I’m fascinated by creatures such as this… their intricate markings, the way they know exactly what they’re doing, where they are going, and the way they seem to show no fear when a great looming giant is standing not too far away taking photos of them.

We share our fabulous planet with an abundance of creatures, some of which we wouldn’t even give a second glance to. But if we stop and watch them going about their normal lives, surviving, we start to see the very essence of life itself: just being. Living. The magic of life.

This ends this post. If you aren’t keen on insects and creepy crawlies, you may now come out from behind the sofa!