Tag: Surreal Reality

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The Superhero Diaries 4.6: Corporate Support

on September 29, 2017

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problem after problem. Recently, the team appear to have disappeared from the face of the planet – from the Universe, in fact! The despicable supervillain organisation Supervillains United have noticed this and have taken matters into their own hands with one goal in mind: world domination. People everywhere are now starting to demand the superheroes’ return following an open letter sent to the EFB by a child named Emily last week. Here are some of the letters from companies willing to share their concerns:

Dear Emily,
We too anxiously await the return of the superheroes.
We have found that superheroes aren’t necessarily people who possess remarkable abilities, but rather people who use whatever abilities they have, great or small, for the good of all.
Normal, everyday people can be, and are, superheroes. Although with the onslaught of the current super-powered supervillains we ordinary people are somewhat powerless to stop them, we do have one thing which will, in the end, defeat them.
That one thing is HOPE.
We join you in the hope that our superheroes return very soon.
Kind Regards,
Scott Urban (aged 45) and the rest of the UrbanArtiz team.

Dear Superheroes,
As a company that has been on the receiving end of despicable and frustrating antics from a variety of supervillains and the dastardly Supervillains United supergroup, we add our voice to the growing number of frustrated citizens waiting for the urgent return of our missing superheroes.
We wait to see you in our skies, on our roads, in our waters, and on our televisions (properly) once again.
The Sunbottle Labelling Company (A part of AMCE Industries)

Dear Emily and Tiddle’s,
We were moved by your open letter that had been so callously discarded last week, we had to write.
Like you, we need our superheroes to return, and like you we want them back as soon as possible.
We at Spark’s Electrical Goods have had a long association with the Elite Force of Britain, and are waiting to hear of their return.
Thank you,
Mr Sparks

My Dear EFB,
We at Hemingway’s Quality Tailors and Cleaners are proud to have been serving you, our most excellent superheroes since you formed as a team all those years ago. We hope you are well, and upon your return will be delighted to share with you our latest special offers on repairs and costume amendments, should you require them – as always, discretion is assured.
Please return soon (we are currently working a three day week and have had to lay off two staff, so your absence is definitely being felt here).
See you VERY soon,
Charles T. Hemingway and Sons

Dear Elite Force of Britain,
We at the Pyramid have been rescued many times by your members, either individually, or in a group, and really appreciate all of the help you have given us.
Our door security will be the first to admit that they are no match for some of the supervillain clientele who call in here every now and then, so we look forward to your return.
When you do, please call in and we will extend Happy Hour to Happy Saturday in your honour.
Please return soon.
The Management and Staff at The Pyramid

 

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The Superhero Diaries 4.4: Teamwork

on September 15, 2017

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problem after problem. Recently, the team have been somewhat otherwise engaged. Some are now speculating missing in action. Rumours had it that some superheroes were off-world on a secret mission – a fact now seemingly discounted by N.A.S.A. (the North Atlantic Spaceways Agency; they always get confused with the other NASA) other folk say the superheroes are busy dealing with more home-grown issues. Wherever they are, the lack of superheroes hasn’t gone unnoticed by the dastardly Supervillains United who are having themselves a field day. And so is the world’s media, looking at these clippings found in a hastily discarded scrapbook:

 

The Overthrower and The Tickler Torment the Tennis

The Up Lawn Tennis Association has been plunged into chaos as two formidable members of Supervillains United wreak havoc upon the men’s doubles. The Overthrower overthrew the umpire and began directing the game in process and The Tickler completely spoiled play by causing all four players and six ball boys to hysterically pound the ground in laughter due to his Multi Pronged Tickler. Whilst all eyes were on the unsportsmanlike display on the court, off the court henchmen helped themselves to the dignitaries’ wallets and jewels.

Two-Oh Duo and Pinchem Mob Ride High


The Self-proclaimed Seven Sods stole the show literally at the Mid Monster Truck Rally this weekend, as each one of this unfortunate banding of baddies made their escape with seven of the eight showpiece vehicles. They made sure nobody could use the eighth either by gluing SVU flyers all over the windscreen – with superglue to boot. Organisers and sponsors alike were less than thrilled.

HeroX and Szikik Redirect Motorway Traffic Down a Country Lane


Frustration, anger and an annoyed herd of cows met commuters during Monday Morning’s rush-hour traffic. Road Closed signs diverted traffic off an already congested M6 and then proceeded to direct them into a single lane country road where the first few motorists found themselves stopped by a herd of angry cows. With no way forward and no way to turn, the four-mile long line of cars and lorries had to wait for hours for the cars to be removed, and then wait for further directions to get back to the motorway. The reason for this mis-direction? The pairing of HeroX and Szikik needed to stop a fleet of armoured cars delivering new pound coins to banks around the country and help themselves to the newly minted coins.

Dawn the Vampire and The Pumpkin Dance by Moonlight


Blackchester residents witnessed the most unusual pairing of the Vampire, Dawn, dressed in a red velvet frock dancing a moonlit tango with The Pumpkin, in top hat and tails, outside the Pyramid Lounge. They’d just scooped themselves a prize by stealing artworks from the Victorian Museum, and were celebrating their achievements in broad moonlight. The dancing wasn’t the odd thing, however. The Pumpkin was last seen in 1924.

A separate clipping wasn’t as attached as securely as the others, perhaps because it focussed more on the superheroes?

Editor’s Thoughts


This is now getting beyond a joke. Our police forces are doing all they can when they can, but with the supervillains running amok there isn’t much more that can be done, apart from the public uprising themselves, which isn’t really a good idea looking at the smug attitudes of the villainous team-ups taking place. We need our superheroes to return. And fast. The question, though, is where are they?

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Wordle: Crinkum-Crankum

on July 30, 2017

With an appetency for all things surreal
It is easier to surrender the truth rather than bend reality
Disbelief echoes at aught scanned within the immediate vicinity
Whilst tripping through the scent of all manner absurd
Bane sipped
Disport commenced
We sail the moonshine through sea smoke
Creating a sooth sliver ‘tween now and never
That binds and stitches fourscore plus realms and domains
As we follow our dream for a guerdon,
Zigzagging with a wild izzard through heat and hoar,
With nay measure of moil to be otherwhere
Still in the land of the quick,
We grasp the archaic science and reach our destination

And now the translation…

Crinkum-Crankum (anything full of twists and turns)

With an appetency for all things surreal A natural tendency or affinity.
It is easier to surrender the truth rather than bend reality
Disbelief echoes at aught scanned within the immediate vicinity Anything at all
Whilst tripping through the scent of all manner absurd
Bane sipped  poison
Disport commenced frolic
We sail the moonshine through sea smoke fog
Creating a sooth sliver ‘tween now and never truth between
That binds and stitches fourscore plus realms and domains eighty
As we follow our dream for a guerdon, reward
Zigzagging with a wild izzard through heat and hoar,  the letter z frost
With nay measure of moil to be otherwhere no dance drudgery elsewhere
Still in the land of the quick, the living
We grasp the archaic science and reach our destination knowledge

I’m playing with words for today’s Wordle. It’s all the word ‘archaic’s fault… it sent me completely down the surreal route. Only a mooncalf (foolish person) would attempt to take on archaic words and use them in the correct context, methinks (it seems to me), and I’m now feeling a little mazed (bewildered) by it all… but naught ventured, naught gained. An otiose (lazy) attempt this week, perchance (by some chance) but being a piepowder (wayfarer) through words and time it had to be assayed (attempted).

whirlbutton

 

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Oh, Beehive!

on July 5, 2017

I really must work on these blog titles.

This below (and above if the featured image is appearing twice!) is the scene that greeted me earlier today, as I drove for lunch.

Well, this is an artist’s impression of the scene. The road was a little busier, traffic wise… and the road was a little more urban – in fact it was running through a town centre. There were traffic jams and pedestrian crossings with people using them, traffic illegally stopping in yellow box junctions (oh yes, they’ve been caught on the CCTV!)

Looking at the picture, if you can imagine that to be a major road junction just ahead, and there are five lanes full of traffic. The traffic lights are holding us up, as we are driving forwards, because they are on red. I’m in the fifth lane, so the one on the right, and there are therefore four more lanes to my left. On my right, is a reservation, and then two more lanes of traffic heading out of town.

In amongst all of this regular madness, somebody had accidentally, on purpose, or accidentally on purpose, disturbed an extremely large wasps’ nest. There were millions of them swirling hither thither and every whither between and betwixt themselves, the pedestrians, and us sitting in our steaming hot cars waiting to move forward. Several wasps landed on my windscreen (which is what made me realise the smoke-like cloud ahead was actually a swarm of wasps, and promptly close my window making the steaming hotness just a tad more hot).

Eventually, the traffic lights changed to green, and we could move forwards.

Eventually, we cleared the wasp cloud.

Eventually, the remaining wasps that had decided to hitch a ride on my car had dispersed.

And eventually, I was able to open my window, and breathe… and allow in the hot air from outside.

It was a surreal moment. Surrounded by a cloud of wasps. That doesn’t normally happen on a Wednesday.

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