Beyond the Sphere

The Wednesday Wordcloud: Naff Hair!

I wrote a rhyme about naff hair,
Only fit for deletion, so I did, so there!
Full of babble, and waffle and gestural descriptions
Of lovesick teenagers, blood-slurping vampires, and pineapple encoded binary encryptions
It made no sense, so after all that
I decided the rhyme, like the hair, was also quite naff.

I wrote a naff rhyme about naff hair
Although now that naff rhyme is no longer there
A naff hole appeared, needing  urgently filling,
So this fills that space… naff yet…

…with a split end like this oddly fulfilling

‘Naff’ is a British term meaning ‘not awfully good’. This rhyme, and its immediate preceding one (/deleted) are entirely based on fiction, any similarities between real folk and the words are purely coincidental and not intended in any way whatsoever. And anyway, the emphasis is on ‘naff’, not hair. Just saying…

Chainsaw Melodies

With lips red raw and cracked, I hauled myself out of bed just after the alarm sounded at 5:15am. I dragged myself to the Bathroom, and even before I switched the light on I could see the equally red eyes peering back at me. I really should have left the light off. Beneath my eyes were a couple of bags that would have helped with an average-sized family’s shopping for a month. Above my eyes, my hair was slicked in places it had no right being slicked in. With aching, heavy arms, I ruffled my hair before running the bath. The ruffling made no difference whatsoever apart from highlighting just how achy and heavy my arms were.

I lowered myself into a nice, comfortable, warm bath, and noticed my backache, which made the bath less comfortable. And then the warmth brought out a hot sweat.

Eventually, my bath was complete. My temperature was back to normal, and I could finish my ablutions with relative ease. I say ablutions, but after all was complete I looked no better than when I first started. Sigh.

And sighing makes me cough at present as well.

Can’t win.

Having another early night tonight, slightly later than last night’s early night, but still early all the same. I feeling loads better than I did yesterday, albeit marginally, but I’m still barking like a toad with a chainsaw rammed in its throat.

I hope to be able to catch up with all blogging aspects tomorrow.

(No toads were harmed in the making of this post, although it’s very possible a throat was.)

Warts and all

It’s #SelfieArt Day today (25th April) so I thought I’d have a go.

Now, regular visitors know that my Selfies are somewhat strange things, usually consisting only of the top of my head, but lately, my eyes have been getting something of a showing as well. I decided to use one of these Selfies for my first ever actual watercolour (on paper) painting. I usually do digital stuff (badly – but I have a go!) but lately I’ve been getting the urge to use watercolours and oils.

I’ve bought myself an easel, a set of paints – two actually – several stretched canvases (is that canvi?) and umpteen different sized brushes… and haven’t used any of them yet. Instead, I also bought myself a couple of mixed media A4 sized ring-bound art pads and a tin of el-cheapo watercolour paints which came with a brush. And it is with these that I have produced my first ever cartoon watercolour. Just for a practice run, I must add.

I was expecting a masterpiece and got a smudge.

The face is blotchy and a strange yellow/red colour, but I decided to use that photo anyway. The hair is terrible, but I’m used to that. And the eyes are two different sizes – something I hadn’t really noticed before, until I started analysing my features in minute detail. Not different in size as in Quasimodo (or is that Popeye? I always get them mixed up) standards, but noticeable never the less when you look. Unless the photo was taken when I had one of my eye-twitches. That must be it. The large eye had a blain at the time of the photo as well, so that could have been slightly swollen. I’ll go with that as well.

So, I quickly sketched a basic head shape, popped in a couple of odd-sized eyes, and scribbled a few strands of hair. Then, I used most of the yellow paint filling in the gaps.

I’m my own worst enemy, and gave myself just one hour to do it in. Time’s short, and I’m well behind on my blog visiting and replying to comments, yet here I was painting.

The more I painted, the more the el-cheapo brush’s bristles started to flare outwards. When it came to painting the eyes, the bristles were that far akimbo every stroke went beyond where I intended them… so the odd-sized eyes became even odder. I just went with it. Five minutes left, I had no time to worry about such things.

The strokes became dabs and then that was it. Time was up. The result is published above, with the original Selfie (although I shan’t say which is which!)

The last Selfie I painted, digitally, was this one:

This one, however, was completely from memory, and it was at a time when I desperately needed a haircut. I think it was this one anyway, my memory isn’t quite what it used to be.

So, there we have it. A first for this blog. I doubt I’ll be getting any commissions for portraits to appear on bank notes or anything like that, but that doesn’t matter. I spent a good hour sploshing a few colours around, and the next hour being hyper-critical on myself. All in jest, obviously!

With thanks to Charlie at Doodlewash, who told me about the SelfieArt Day, and naturally I had to create something… I have a 2,000th post deadline to meet. But I’m not giving up… I’ve got all that gear to use now, and good or not so good, it’s all good! I’m sure practice will make perfect. Watch this space!

An EU Referendum Message

There now follows an EU Referendum Message by my Inner Leader of the Opposition. Hopefully it isn’t as boring as it seems.

Remain in the European Union or Leave it. To be (in) or not to be (in). That is the question which is being asked the length and breadth of the UK at the moment. And everyone, it seems, has an opinion. Well, they do have an opinion, actually, everyone does, and obviously they’re entitled to it. Thankfully, we live in a free world where we can have an opinion.

The President of the United States of America is visiting our shores today. He’s said that if the UK vote to leave the EU, then the UK will go to the back of the queue when it comes to trade deals with the United States. He’s also passed this message on as ‘a friend’. His comments have caused ripples throughout the government, with some expressing their own opinions about the president. Oops. The caps lock seems to have failed. The BBC News website has more details regarding this.

Bear in mind the UK government are making cuts to services left, right and centre. Imposing contracts for NHS (National Health Service) staff which have gone down like a lead balloon, causing strikes galore. and also cutting benefit payments to those most in need. Those not in need have tax cuts, perks, and off-shore accounts that aren’t illegal. Whilst all this is going on, the ‘In’ campaign, the campaign our prime minister favours (who is best buds with the president of the USA, apparently) have spent £9,000,000.00 (NINE MILLION POUNDS) which in today’s money is $12,975,435.00 (US), on sending a pamphlet to every household in the UK outlining the reasons to stay in. I honestly could think of better ways to spend that kind of money – but hey, who am I? I haven’t read my pamphlet. I’m framing it and keeping it in mint condition. If it’s the only one left in a few years it may be worth a lot more than what it cost to produce.

Now, the EU have ideas. Great (clonking) ideas. Our bananas are too straight – too bent – our tomatoes too red – our cucumbers the wrong length – our ducks have the wrong quack – that kind of thing. There’s a court there who have upheld a request from a mass murderer who complained that his prison conditions were an infringement on his human rights. I suppose the human rights of those he slain didn’t get a mention in the hearing. Perhaps I’m being a tad cynical. Everyone deserves a fair chance, no?

The Eurovision Song Contest is coming up soon, and countries from Europe, including Israel and Australia, take part – should they be voted through to the grand final and don’t boycott the event due to political reasons. Not all of these countries are part of the European Union, and they get along just fine. Look at their voting. And they don’t have any help from ‘friends’ from outside. Unless they sing for them.

I am looking forward to it though. The Eurovision, that is. I am looking forward to the end of the referendum, it must be said, in or out. At the end of the day, either way won’t really have any effect on us little people, the morons minions who help to keep the country going. At least when it’s all over, we won’t be told of any more threats to our well-being if we stay or if we go.

We’ll lose jobs. We’ll be open to terrorism. We’ll go to the back of the queue. Whatever. We aren’t there yet.

World, don’t underestimate the Great British Public. We’re a mighty fine bunch of people who have stiff upper lips and exquisite humour. We’ve voted to name a multi-million pound research vessel Boaty McBoatface, so honestly, anything could happen. However, we appreciate your opinion.

That was an EU Referendum Message by my Inner Leader of the Opposition.

I’m not politically minded, motivated or interested, if truth be told. However, recent events have triggered something within me (my Inner Leader of the Opposition, actually – he does stir from time to time) and I had to get something out otherwise explode. And I don’t want to be doing that now, I’ve just had my haircut.

Doing nothing new

Fridge defrosted,
Laundry done,
Too late now
To catch the Sun,
Too early for bed,
Too full to eat,
Too wired to rest
And the hair’s quite neat… (cough)

Seems like I have nothing to do
So I’ll just sit and be…
And that’s nothing new.

I’ve reached one of those moments where everything that needed doing is done, and there is nothing else that needs to be done.

Ahhh…