10. Always ensure that your hair looks good.
You never know when you may appear on television, in the background – or worse – in an interview on News At Ten.
9. Eat well.
But not too well. Remember television always adds a few pounds, and although a little extra here or there isn’t that bad in the greater scheme of things, if you are being interviewed in tight shiny spandex, remember bulges can and do appear.
8. Sleep well.
Bags under the eyes are no good for close ups when being interviewed for News At Ten. Especially for viewers with High Definition 3D television sets. This reason is also very apt for point 9 above.
7. Create a catchphrase.
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Has already been used so if you choose to use this one too, it may be a little confusing. Especially if you are being interviewed on News At Ten and somebody else shouts it out in the background for the other superhero.
6. Make sure that you have good hair.
This is a must for all superheroes. Even on bad hair days, a superhero’s hair must look good. Think how you will look as you burst through a brick wall to find a News At Ten news team and camera crew waiting outside, and your hair is terrible. You could be being broadcast live. And in Hi Def 3D.
5. Work on your secret identity.
You may have bad hair in your secret identity. Point out to everyone how bad your hair actually is. So much so that the first thing people will think of when they hear your name is how bad your hair is, and not what your face looks like. Then, in your cool superhero outfit and great hair your secret identity is safe.
4. Remember you are always being watched.
Not only by the News At Ten team. Everybody watches a superhero. They want you to succeed… they also want you to fail spectacularly too. Fail if you want to, but don’t give up. The key to success is to keep going.
3. Wear colours that look good on you.
Especially for Hi Def TV, but also remember the weather. If you wear grey, and it is a rainy day, you may not show up so well in a black and white photo in a daily newspaper. Or on older television sets. You may end up looking like an old 1940s newsreel picture.
2. Always smile.
Very important. As people will always want you to succeed and fail, smiling will give the impression that everything is going your way. It also feels good, and makes them feel good too. Everyone feeling good is half of the battle anyway.
1. Remember the hair.
If you have better hair than the person interviewing you for News At Ten, the interview will be short, meaning those other people who take the time to study your face will not realise that it is also you in your secret identity (with the terrible hair).
Never forget that every action you do, every save you make, is being watched by someone else. Someone who wants to be like you. Someone who wants to look like you. And someone who wants to be you.
++This has been a free public service announcement for the greater good of everyone!++
I had a random Sainsbury’s (other supermarkets are available) experience today.
I was merrily pushing my trolley whilst watching where I was going with one eye, and reading my shopping list with the other. Remarkably, I hadn’t chosen the trolley with the wonky wheel (I always manage to get that one), which enabled me to use my super double vision power to it’s best advantage. When I have to push and pull the trolley at the same time, I am in such a weakened state that one of the eyes has to give a little, so I tend to not look where I’m going. I write the shopping list for a reason, so that is where my attention goes.
However, today, I felt as though I was gliding through the aisles, stopping momentarily to reach for something off the shelf, out of the fridge, or out of the freezer.
I like to people watch when I get the chance. If it’s a hot summer’s day, and I’m sitting outside a shopping centre, I can watch the thousands of people walking by doing their own thing. With some, I make up stories for them. For others, I get the feeling that I recognise them but don’t know where from (I wrote about this in a recent post). But I can sit and watch for hours on end.
Today, I was shopping and not sitting. I was watching the other shoppers, but didn’t have time to make up any tales about them. A lady, who (and don’t quote me – I am hopeless with people’s ages) I would say was around sixty years old, was always in the aisle that I went into next, but she was walking in the opposite direction.
We passed each other about seven or eight times, when I noticed that she was smiling. The next time we passed each other, was by the checkouts. We weren’t queuing to pay just yet, she was heading for one of those ‘end of aisle’ shelves and I was heading to a different one. She came over to me, tapped me on the arm, and I was expecting her to say something along the lines of ‘we should really stop meeting like this’ or something similar. No. She said that I reminded her of Philip Glenister, and she couldn’t believe that he was shopping in Sainsbury’s. She asked if anyone had mentioned it to me before. I politely laughed and said ‘no’, and then continued my shopping wondering how on Earth I looked like Philip Glenister, when I don’t. I really don’t.
I suppose he must shop somewhere, having said that…
My thoughts then returned to the problem I have where I think that I know someone but don’t know if it is them or not because they are not in the place where I know them from. Other people must have a similar problem whereby they think that someone who doesn’t look like someone else looks like the person they think it is in their eyes.
People watching used to be so much easier than this…
Tonight, as I walked through the grand front entrance to Aquatom Mansion, I was met by a calling card on the welcome mat. Well, I would have been, if I had a welcome mat, but details aside, a small, rectangular card was inside my door.
I creaked as I bent down to pick it up. I was expecting it to be from one of the nearby pizza houses, or car wash centres trying to drum up business. Or, it could have been a card from one of those charity clothing collection companies, or an Avon card. I get them all the time (although I don’t buy anything)
I was wrong on all four counts. My fifth choice, had I gone for it, would have been correct. I hurried into my living room – as quick as my stiff neck and aching knee would allow me, anyway. I switched on a light, so that I could read the darkened card a little easier, and that was when I realised that my fifth choice (had I gone for it) was correct. A new dance studio is opening up, and this flyer would allow me to have a free session. Other sessions would cost £5.00.
The sessions are open to anyone, of any age, but they have two time slots. Kids 6pm – 7pm and adults 8pm – 9pm, on a Tuesday. The dance they want to teach everyone is Break Dancing. I’m not saying that I have two left feet or anything, and I can – or could – cut a mean move on the dance floor (I’ve always been hip!) but I’ve never been into the break dancing scene. I’m wondering if I would be a laughing stock if I went now, with my neck and knee, bad hair and being ever so slightly (…) out of shape.
I turned the card over, and found that there is more! Between 7pm – 8pm on a Tuesday (for kids) and 9pm – 10pm (adults) they will also teach Street Dance. I always thought that break dancing was street dancing, ever since I used to know a street dance group who went by the name Body Rock. They were too cool by far to admit that they had misspelt their own name on their t-shirts, and argue to this day that ‘Bodie Rock’ was their intentional marketing ploy, had they been discovered (which they weren’t in the month they performed outside the shopping centre in all weathers back in 1983)
Could I be the one to show them how to do it, after all this time?
I think not. I’ll leave my place for someone more agile than me to fill. Besides, my time is needed for more important things, such as saving the universe. That I can do with a bad knee. And, yes, I am aware that I could do with losing five pounds a week for the next so many weeks, but weight not wealth is the order of the day here.
I think I’ll continue to trip the light fantastic in my own style. All these thoughts of dancing have caused me to have a very strong urge to lie down.
And lie perfectly still…
I write, very often, about times past. I write about my thoughts and my links to 1642 and the early part of the Seventeenth Century. This, of course may mean that I have links in the latter part of the Sixteenth Century as well, depending on how I am linked to the period. And, of course, I could also have links to the latter part of the Seventeenth Century too, but this doesn’t have as much of a pull on me as the earlier years do.
I occasionally write about times yet to be. Glimpses of a far flung future, or hopes and dreams of a future that is possible, probable, and all other descriptions in between.
And, I write, quite a lot of the time, about the present. The now. The weather. The day I’ve had / am having. The importance of living in the now, feeling good now, enjoying now, and so on.
I’ve always had a problem with time. Not so much of a problem that it bothers me, I have to add, but an odd problem never the less.
In fact, I love time. I love finding out about facts from years ago. I love reading about people, places, discoveries, civilisations, buildings, myths, legends, and technological advancements that wouldn’t have got us to our now, if they hadn’t been as advanced as they were back then.
My problem with time is that I seem to exist in a multitude of different time zones. Each one slightly out of synch to the zone it is adjacent to, or just outside of, the current zone I am currently in.
Now, when I’m in work, I tend to ‘zone out’, but this is a completely different zone entirely. Sometimes, I find myself in a whole different dimension when I zone out at work. I have glimpses of different worlds, different experiences, and different streams of existence when I’m in this zone, but that is a zone in a different place.
I’m writing today about the zones in different times that I exist in – and not back in the Seventeenth Century or far flung future either: the now.
My alarm clock is always two minutes slow, so that means that I actually get up two minutes later than I think I am getting up. Two minutes isn’t such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, especially in the eternal infinity of the Universe, but an extra two minutes when I’m having the most delightful of sleeps makes all the difference to me.
On the landing in Aquatom Mansion, I have a wall clock which is five minutes slow. So, from the bedroom to the landing, I jump forward to being in a time zone seven minutes later than what it actually is. But do I? Remember – my alarm was two minutes slow, the landing clock five minutes slow, so the difference between these two timepieces is three minutes. Where I think I’m hovering some seven minutes out of time, I’m actually only three minutes adrift. See what I mean? I’m already in several time zones at once. Who says time travel isn’t possible?
OK. Slightly later, I’m ready for going to work. When I leave the Mansion, I am on natural time. Nothing to tell me what time is currently being displayed on the dial, face, readout, shadow or whatever else can be used to tell the time, I’m just ‘in the now’.
I get into my car, and this is when time travel really steps up a gear! The clock in my car is set at such a bizarre time I can only describe it as three hours slow and ten minutes fast. It’s a lot easier than working out what the time actually is when I say to myself that it is two hours and fifty minutes slow. In natural time, at 8am, my car will tell me that it is 5.10am. And before you ask why don’t I set the time in my car – I try – I really do – but it has none of it. It always sets to three hours slow and ten minutes fast. It’s a digital clock. Electrical. And who do I know who likes to play with my electrical items? Dot. My ghostly visitor, that’s who. (Not that I blame Dot, you understand, but it is a good a reason as any.)
Usually, whether I’m two minutes, three minutes, five minutes, seven minutes, ten minutes or two or three hours out, I manage to get to where I need to be either early, or on time. Which isn’t that bad, all things considered!
I am honoured to have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger award by Diane. Thank you very much indeed.
I’m not particularly well clued up on awards such as this; I was always the last person to be chosen for whatever sporting event I was being forced into doing at school, and that feeling of uselessness has stuck with me ever since. However, this award is far more complimentary than the times when I was chosen second-to-last, rather than last, and I never expected to be nominated for anything with my far out posts. And yes, I accept the award! With more thanks than is actually needed, and… what do you mean I have to pass it on to someone else? Oh. I see!
The award comes with some rules:
i) Thank the person who shared the award with you by linking back to them in your post.
b) List 7 things about yourself.
3) Pass this award to 15 recently discovered blogs and let them know that you included them in your blog post.
Rule One was completed almost immediately, have a look at the very first paragraph if you missed it.
Rule Two seems a little tricky to me, as the blog itself is about me and seven more things about me may be lost, or have already been mentioned, or may be mentioned again in a future post. Still, them’s the rules and I must obey…
Rule Three will take some time. I visit quite a few blogs, some more frequently than others, and others less so than some, but I like visiting them all. To have to pick fifteen seems unfair to me on the others who don’t get picked, and then there are the blogs that I haven’t come across yet, and may do so in the next few days; or the ones I have recently found but not had chance to read and catch up with their corners of the cyberverse. I’m tweaking this rule slightly, and referring any reader to my ‘blogs I visit’ page first of all. Then I will choose fifteen over time. Even the thought of choosing fifteen has brought back the memory of me waiting patiently to be picked last to join the cross country jogging group, and this award means so much more than that. I’ll come back to Rule Three.
In the meantime, I’ll go back to Rule Two. Seven things about me. Hmmm. Do they have to be true? OK. OK!
- I once raised hundreds of pounds on a sponsored diet after losing so much weight in such a short time (ten weeks). My sponsors were expecting me to fail miserably, so were flippant with their pledges.
- I think I’m developing a sort of psychic ability where I can ‘feel’ if something is going to happen. It’s in the early stages, as I don’t actually know what is going to happen yet, but the potential is there. I only need to learn more about this ability first.
- I was once mistaken for Jason Donovan, although I look nothing like him, can’t sing and can’t act. The event was surreal in itself, as I was in a boxing club at the time.
- I have appeared on television on several occasions, always centre screen and always in the background. My main break in television was pulled due to something that the Royal Family did one Thursday, and I don’t think the show was ever broadcast again. Sigh.
- I have suffered from sunstroke twice in my life. Once at a four day outdoor concert (I presume this was sunstroke…) and the other time when I was up that mountain on Tenerife. It was bizarre being up that mountain, as I had the really strange feeling that I was going to fall off. I know… weird…
- I love animals, and when I was younger wanted to own a tiger. Secretly, I still do.
- For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to visit Iceland, and I am saving the occasion for the ‘right time’, whenever that will be…
So. Seven facts. Some mentioned before, and some to be revisited at a later date. That wasn’t as tricky as I thought it was going to be.
I’ll be mentioning my fifteen chosen blogs over the coming days, and the reasons for me choosing said blogs. For now, though, this post is at an end. Thank you, thank you, thank you…