Category: Super Heroes

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The Superhero Diaries 5.4: Off Note and the Undertones

Long time no see,
Dear EFB
I had hoped to hide somewhat longer
My power’s depleted
My cohorts defeated
And trapped in a realm between realms
They linger amidst the ether
Snigger, and almost teeter
On the point of crossing over, yet fail
They wail
And hum, Greensleeves
Though it could be neater
They will be back one day

But until they are
I have something else to share
A new band have become my backing crew

The Undertones they are called
They rumble and are rugged – all
And are prepared for a battle royale

And thanks to Psychic Sue
My secondary crew
Know how to access your lair
They use undercurrents galore
Within a psychic flair
And can be anywhere
In an instant or two

So prepare, Psychic Sue
And you,
Muriel Magnificent
We are coming for you.

Until the Flatnotes return, The Off Note and The Undertones will be topping the bill.

More (hopefully!) next week.


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The Superhero Diaries 5.3: Psychic Recordings

This is Psychic Sue undertaking a test of the Wireless Psychic Recorder on the Sixth floor of the EFB Headquarters. The battery strength is at 98 per cent, and the signal strength to the base unit is fluctuating between 87 and 98. One hundred is the best signal strength that can be obtained, so around the ninety mark isn’t too bad. And I’m inside a lift with the main Psychic Recorder being on the ground floor, so this isn’t too bad at all.

The lift has shuddered as I’ve reached the Sixth floor, which is unusual. But thinking about it, it hasn’t used this part of the programming for a few years as nobody has been to the Sixth floor since the Haunting, so it may be a little rusty.

The lift door opened quite quickly, all things considered and I’m now facing a dark corridor. The corridor runs across the centre of this floor, with twelve rooms to the right hand side and three rooms to the left, with the much larger room being open plan at the end of the corridor.

It is this open plan area that I’m investigating today, just to see if anything remains from the Haunting several years ago.

The whole floor is in darkness, but there’s a light switch around here some –OWW! A static shock from the light switch. The lights are on now. Oops. Now they’re off again. I think I’ll switch them off and use my tor –OWW! Again!!!

The battery strength has now dropped suddenly to 72 per cent. The static charge must be affecting it somehow. The signal strength is still good. I can hear a knocking coming from room four on this floor, but I think a window may be open in there. I’ll be checking the rooms out later, but for now my mission is to concentrate on the open plan area.

OK. I’m here. The temperature is definitely much cooler. In fact I think I can see my breath, but in the darkness, even with the torch I can’t see it being that cold. I must be imagining it.

But there is some eerie music coming from around here. The recorder isn’t picking it up, which is odd, but I am. It’s like a constant humming, although quite out of tune and rather flat. It’s stronger here in the centre of the room.

I’ll sit on this sofa and call out to see if anyone is there.

That’s odd. The recorder didn’t pick up my voice as I spoke, yet I can see it registering my thoughts.


Static again. I’m not near anything electrical here. This sofa is covered in red velvet – I suppose it could have been charged by the record –OWW!

I’m not staying here. That one hurt.

I’ll go over to the corner and see if there’s anything over there.

The humming is stronger here. Still as flat as a pancake and I can’t make out the tune – Greensleeves? It is! It’s Greensleeves. A flat version but I can get it – lala lala lalala la la… it’s stopped.

Do you not like my singing? Carry on, please. I was enjoying it.


Hello. I can hear you. Don’t worry about being flat. Please… just sing.


No, please. Sing again – hum again.


You aren’t referring to your singing, are you? Try to say it again. Slowly.


Yes. Keep on. Flat…

Flat N…

Flat ‘N’? Please try one more time.


Thank you. Are you trying to say ‘Flat Notes’? Are you… Gasp! I know who you are.

The battery strength is now down to eighteen per cent. I’d best leave this floor straight away and call an emergency meeting. The Flatnotes are the other-wordly henchmen of one of our greatest foes who hasn’t been around for a while… the diabolical Off Note.

I’d best run if they are trying to get through, they can grab through dimensions and hold us firm. I felt an icy hand on my shoulder then – that’s why it’s so cold. I should have realised this sooner. Picked up on it! I was convinced we had ghosts… Battery strength is now two per *

Feel GOOD!LegendsSuper HeroesWell, I Never!

The Superhero Diaries 5.2: Sia Klath

Hi… Lycralad here again from the Elite Force of Britain. Do you remember, last week, when I told you about one of our documents being unceremoniously leaked? You do? Good, I have another to share this week… although, this one is more of a news report that appeared in one of our local newspapers here. I think we found it wrapped around a portion of chips. Still, nothing too revealing appeared at face value:

The Mid Festival and Parade was thrown into disarray yesterday, Friday, when some space debris crashed into the top floor of the disused Midtown Building. Worried festival goers fled swiftly for cover, but with Mid being home to the Elite Force of Britain they didn’t need to worry for long.

In almost an instant, seven members of the super-powered group appeared on the scene. Monika Grave, aged 42, said they seemed to appear out of thin air.

Firetop and the Stealth Gentleman were carried by Lycralad to the rooftop, the Crimson Songbird flew herself and Psychic Sue to the top, and Muriel Magnificent carried the Diver. Invisible Charlie was also there, but nobody saw him, making the actual number of superheroes on the scene eight.

They made sure the debris was safe, with Firetop welding it securely into place into the side of the building.

Albert Bloo, 22, complained that it was now an eye-sore, but with Mid being an eye-sore in itself it didn’t matter. Mr Bloo quickly departed as the local residents began to boo.

They didn’t boo for long, however, as the nine superheroes (another one appeared on the rooftop, who Muriel Magnificent, 504, named as Sia Klath, one of the EFB’s friends and twentieth member of the group).

With the crowd cheering once again and the scene secure once more, the Mid Festival and Parade continued without further incident. Photos of the day will appear in next week’s Wednesday edition, unless the threatened industrial action closes the printing presses, in which case they will appear in the next edition of the Reporter, whenever that may be.

Shawn Rogers-Hammerstein, aged 50, took a few photos of the scene as it developed.

News was emerging last night that the debris that crashed into the building was actually a spaceship, with Sia Klath being the craft’s pilot. Nobody seems to know anything about this mysterious person, she hasn’t appeared anywhere else in the country, and doesn’t have a social media account.

We will be following this story in the aim of finding out a little more about this mysterious Sia Klath.

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The Superhero Diaries 5.1: Safe Haven

Hi. It’s Lycralad here, from the Elite Force of Britain. We’re a band of superheroes who joined together many years ago (or so it seems) to do battle with all kinds of unscrupulous individuals. And ourselves at times – but we are mostly like one big happy family. On the whole.

We have a bit of an issue, though, where our innermost secrets seem to be leaked. Of course, some of those secrets have been deliberately leaked by us to help with our ‘top secret’ missions, yet others have caught us by surprise. Luckily, none of our more personal secrets, such as our friends’ and family’s details or our secret identities have been revealed. But that is just another risk we take as superheroes.

What follows here are the minutes to one of our recent meetings, that Supervillains United managed to get hold of. There isn’t much in it, but we do tend to keep most of what is going on between the lines…

In Attendance: The Stealth Gentleman (SG); The Green Gladiator (GG); Bettystretch246 (BS); The Crimson Songbird (CS); Psychic Sue (PS); Cloud (CL); Muriel Magnificent (MM); The Firetop (FT); Invisible Charlie (IC); Lycralad (LY); The Diver (DI); The Puddleton Protector (PP)

Guest Attendees: Angel Change (AC); ParrotGirl (PG); Simba Katiya (SK); Felyne (FE); El Pizzazz (EP); Topaz (TO); Windboy (WB); IceWind (ICw); Hera (HE); Mistress De Leur (MDL); Patricia Power (PPo); Raydarr (RA); Sable Sapphire (SS); Simon Starr (SSt); Sia Klath (SK); Solar (SO);

Not In Attendance: All in attendance

Chair and Minutes: Viridian (VI)

Subject of Discussion: Secret Headquarters

Reason for Meeting: To discuss whether to reveal the location of the Secret Headquarters to the world.

Other Notes: The meeting took place in the kitchen as there were too many people in attendance to fit in the meeting room. Even in the kitchen it was a tight squeeze, so the location of a more suitable meeting room was also put on the agenda.

MM spoke in length about the fact that the Secret Headquarters being inside the tallest building in Mid Town Centre makes it stand out anyway. FT commented that many a supervillain have called by and rang the doorbell, so the fact that they know where it is speaks volumes. GG reminded us all that the milk delivery invoices has ‘the superhero HQ’ written on the top when it is pushed through the door.

CL felt that the location should remain secret, as even though almost everybody knew where it was, they had no proof. IC reminded CL (who wasn’t in attendance at the time) that the location was made publicly available when SK’s spacecraft crashed into the top floor last Summer, and all superheroes in attendance went flying out through the fifth floor window to investigate, on the day of the Mid Parade.

PG advised that her (secret identity) hairdresser knew the location of the headquarters, and not only that, had a plan of the building’s layout on the wall of her salon, as a piece of abstract art.

LY said he thought the location was public knowledge all along.

MDL, FE and EP (in attendance due to being zapped to today from one of their battles back in 1924) advised caution against revealing the location, even though many knew where it was.

WB and PPo suggested moving to a new location, a cave, or a satellite headquarters in space.

DI then suggested an underwater HQ would be more secure, although FT advised he can’t swim and doesn’t like water. SK advised that she is barred from outer space, which was why her spacecraft crashed last year. CS said being in a cave was totally unsuitable.

PP suggested moving the location out of Mid entirely, and setting up a new one in Puddleton.

PPo agreed with PP and said she knew of the ideal location there, as her secret identity estate agent had such a place for sale. PS also thought moving to Puddleton would be a good idea, as it was in a more central location.

RA mentioned that Mid should remain home to the headquarters, as people expected the superheroes to be there.

BS thought they should put it to a vote as to whether to remain in Mid or leave to Puddleton. This motion was carried, and the vote scheduled to take place after this meeting.

HE asked if those in attendance as guests should be allowed to vote, and it was agreed that all present that day would be allowed. VI would make up the ballot papers before the vote.

TO requested a photo be taken of the entire group, as this meeting was such a monumental one not likely to be seen again. This motion too was carried, and the photo session was arranged for just after the vote.

SS had to be excused from the meeting to do her hair.

SG suggested converting the gym on the fifth floor to become the new meeting room, as the superheroes spend much of their time there anyway. The old meeting room could then become the gym.

BS then pointed out that the Sixth floor has remained empty since the haunting and maybe that could be used to house the new meeting room. PS advised she would check out the Sixth floor with the Psychic Recorder to see whether any entities remained.

IC thought moving the gym to the current meeting room wouldn’t be such a good idea as it would get too warm. The open air flow on the fifth floor made it ideal to keep the gym where it was.

It was decided to put the room move on hold for now, pending Psychic Sue’s investigations.

SS returned to the meeting in time for the conclusion.

In Conclusion:
So, in conclusion, most in attendance had a say on the discussion, and a chance to vote in the location move after the meeting. The room move was probably best to be put on hold just in case the vote was to move the Secret Headquarters. If the move took place, the meeting room location would be discussed there, and if the move didn’t take place it would be discussed here afterwards.

Meeting Adjourned

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The Superhero Diaries 4.10: Turn Around

The Elite Force of Britain, a group of superheroes who banded together for the good of all. A group of superheroes missing for a while. A group of superheroes shocked after hearing terrible news regarding one of their friends. A group of superheroes who find the real truth within a social media chat on their internal private streams of the übersite, UMetroNetworkMediaK, or UMNMK for short. Adapted to the team’s needs, the site itself is impenetrable to outside sources, however a slight hick up with the operating system caused part of the conversation to be broadcast worldwide…

The Firetop:
I can’t believe any of you would do such a thing

Hi Firetop. What’s going on?
The Firetop:
You pick the right time to go on holiday, buddy.
You were away too… but why? What have I missed this time?
The Firetop:
Nothing much really – only this bunch of idiots getting Parrot Girl killed
What? NO. When? How? What happened? OMG Surprised smile
The Firetop:
Last week. They sent her after Simba Katiya and she through her under a lorry. She isn’t even part of the team.

auto-correct has automatically corrected the spelling of the word threw to through
Just joining, guys. Is it true? I don’t believe it.
Psychic Sue:
Please, all, remain calm.
Psychic Sue – how can you ask us to remain calm. This isn’t right.
Psychic Sue:
It isn’t, Betty. Please all, remain calm.
Well, you are the current team leader. But you must tell us what has happened. We – and especially Firetop – deserve to know. And I’m so glad thet Viridian managed to fix that ridiculous text limitation thing on this platform. That was so infuriating

auto-correct suggests they; them, that; this; tibet; thermoluminescence
Psychic Sue:
Indeed. He now needs to work on the spell checker.
OK. He’ll do that. But… Parrot Girl? What happened?
Psychic Sue:
As we were travelling around the world (or on holiday, Lycralad Winking smile) both recruiting for our international team and thwarting most of the plans Supervillains United and their international associates were attempting, we needed undercover support here in the UK. So we called upon Parrot Girl and a few others for help. And, they were all willing to assist.
The Firetop:
I don’t think she was willing to be sent to her doom, Sue.
The Crimson Songbird:
None of us are willing for that, Firetop. Sorry, I’ve just joined in the chat. We aren’t willing for it, but as superheroes we have to be prepared for it – for any eventuality, in fact. Like the time we were lost in time. The important thing is getting through and making things count.
Hello, Elite Force of Britain. May I introduce myself?
The Crimson Songbird:
This is a secure channel, ‘Icewind’. How have you gained access to here?
I have full clearance, my friend Crimson Songbird. I have full access rights as do all current EFB mambers. This was granted to me by your team leader. And I am not the only one.

auto-correct suggests mambo number five
The Crimson Songbird:
Psychic Sue? Is thi true? I suppose it must be – but why? And isn’t this something we shovel all be aware of in advance?

auto-correct suggests chi
auto-correct has automatically corrected the word shoul to shovel
I agree that you should have known before I simply joined the chat, but we have to speak to you all now. Answers will be provided, you will see. And yes, auto-correct does need looking at.
Simba Katiya:
I think seeing my presence here will no doubt shock and annoy you. Deception was a necessity in this case, team. I make no apologies for that.
The Firetop:
You certainly have no right to be here, witch. You are a thief and now a murderess. I’ve activated the auto-tracker to locate Simba Katiya. I can’t believe this

auto-correct has automatically corrected the word auto-tracjer to auto-tracker
auto-tracker has been initiated. location detection protocol initiated. analysing…
The Crimson Songbird:
Psychic Sue would never give access to a super criminal, Simba Katiya. We are tracking you. Keep strong, Firetop.
Simba Katiya:
Please do (track me and keep strong). We are at the newly discovered headquarters of Supervillains United. They were holding their recruitment open day, and supervillains from all across the globe have turned up to find out if they had made it onto the team. Needless to say we have rounded them up. Each and every one of them! Open-mouthed smile
Hi guys! It’s me… Parrot Girl! And not my ghost either! I agreed to be bait to lull the supervillains into a false sense of security about Simba – she’s a goodie, really. And a really good goodie to boot!
Simba Katiya:
Just doing what I had to, PG. You took more of a risk than I did.
I just played a part. You put your whole reputation on the line to help the team –and the world! The rest of us thank you for that – and I’m sure once Firetop calms down and allows the bigger picture to sink in, he will see that aswell.

auto-correct suggests aslan
The Firetop:
I’m starting to – but I’m feeling a little let down. It’s a trust thing. We need trust in the team to work properly. We need trust in the relationship. I don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m all over the place. Good to see you, babe, but. Ah. I think we need a chat later.
Simba Katiya:
Being a superhero isn’t always about the good and the glory, Firetop – I’m sure you understand that. Parrot Girl did what was needed to ensure the ultimate success in the mission, and that we all achieved. The more who knew the less chance we had. I know you get that.


The Firetop:
I do. I do. it was just too close this time. Way too close.
We all felt it, Firetop. There’s nothing to say this kind of mission won’t crop up again in the future. We have to be prepared to know that sometimes things are happening that we aren’t meant to be privy to. It seems a lot untrusting, though.
Muriel Magnificent:
Hi team. I disagree, Betty. With the threats we come up against these days, mind readers and body watchers will be able to detect our plans even before we’ve come up with them. Major cases and missions such as this one should be kept top secret – even to the rest of the team. For all we know another top secret mission could be taking place right now, outside of our knowledge. Oh, I do love this new interface, where I can type without all that didiculous stopping and starting

auto-correct suggests diplodocus
I’m pleased to see the new platform working correctly. I’m working on auto-correct to have a lot more functionality than what it currently has. Wait and see, guys. It is good to see you Parrot Girl… and good to see you again, Simba.
The Stealth Gent:
As usual, I’mlate to the chat. Sounds like a good deception to me.

error: auto-correct has no suggestion to make
The Green Gladiator:
I’ve just got here too, Stealth. I think a need to know basis is good, but we should be made aware of any such events taking place in the future – even if it is just a little nod to say somethings going on within the team.
Ah, but this time, Green, it wasn’t the team. Simba Katiya, me, Angel Change, Icewind, Raydarr and Felyne all agreed to join together on Psychic Sue’s request. Sue kept everyone else out of the loop completely in two ways – by sending everyone overseas and by blocking any clues from entering the minds of the team. It was needed to be done, and I would do it again in the future if needed.
I don’t know why you don’t just join the team, Parrots… you work well within a team. Any team.
Muriel Magnificent:
I’ll second that if it’s a nomination, Lycra Lad. In fact, I’ll nomintae you all for EFB membership

auto-correct suggests nominate; nominal
Angel Change:
As a nod, as Green Gladiator requested, some of us already may be…
The Crimson Songbird:
Intruiging. Hello Angel Change. Could I just point out the obvious, however. We now know something was ging on; and an external team have been broght in tocreate a distraction to enable the entire SVU o be catured, but what has actually happened? How did Parrt Girl being hit by a lorry result in the SVU being caught? How did bot simna and Parrot girl know parrots wouldn’t be hurt by the lorry? And who are Raydarr and Felyne?

auto-correct suggests intriguing
auto-correct suggests ginger; going; grinch; gyrating; gesticulating
auto-correct suggests brought
error: auto-correct has no suggestion to make
error: auto-correct has no suggestion to make
auto-correct suggests captured
auto-correct suggests parror
auto-correct has automatically corrected the word lorre to lorry
error; auto-correct suggests simba;;;
auto-correct has crashed due to a cross communication conflict with the location detection protocol; auto-tracker has detected its target but database resources have returned an internal error. An external infringement violation has been detected, automatic shutdown and lockout protocols initiated.
auto-correct suggests manual override needed
auto-correct is now closing down all communication channels

The Superhero Diaries will return some time next year