Category: Waffle

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Lost Post

Today’s posted post
Is a post at a cost
As today’s intended post
Was a post that I lost
So today’s posted post
Has its wires crossed
As I try to make the most
Of the memory I’d forgot

Today’s posted post
Resembles does it not
A feather-brained host
Who in his journal didn’t jot
The idea for the post
That came all bright and hot
From a dream that he can boast
Although remembers not a lot

The story of the post
The old one that I sought
Now looks like a ghost
And not as clear as I thought
The new post that I host
Is terrible and fraught
With discombobulated prose
And odd length lines that support

So today’s posted post
Is a post but not the post
That should have been the post
For today’s posted post
Most of the post
Isn’t even in this post
As the post that was the post
Is, like the plot, well and truly loast

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Fake News

Reports are coming in of a breaking news story that is fake. Numerous un-named sources from various high-ranking departments / companies / sectors and other non-descript bodies have all concurred to these current events. Concurrently, on the other side of the world, there are other unsubstantiated and extremely patchy bulletins being released that may or may not have links to the breaking news story here.

Tony (not his real name), a passer-by in the street, was asked for his opinion on this very relevant and concerning news story. He was in a hurry and could only mutter “I don’t have time for this nonsense”, as he walked on by, face distorted with a mixture of confusion and worry.

Dark clouds are gathering overhead as if in ominous agreement with the dark undertones that are being emitted with this as-it-is-happening event, details of which are still sketchy, and we are hoping for further details as and when they filter through. Proof that the story is breaking has been confirmed by two or three scientists working in the Southern Hemisphere. So, confirmation has been obtained in this major news-worthy event. Sorry, that should be UN-confirmed.

Analysts say they are concerned by this development, and are watching matters closely, although they are also saying that we should err on the side of caution until we are absolutely sure that this news story is breaking.

Further news will follow as and when it happens.

The authenticity of this story is currently unclear. Believe it or not.

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Things. Just things.

Or Trying to Make Sense of it all.

At Least Some of It.

Things I’ve observed

Two little sparrows hopping and flying and playing with each other over lawns and fences and rooftops. I’m sure they had cheery smiles on their beaks!

Two magpies walking on another lawn, one with its black feathers rather unkempt. They reminded me of the rhyme ‘One for sorrow, two for joy’. JOY! I then looked up and spotted a topiary heart that someone had decorated their front door with.

The traffic in the other lane almost always seemed to move faster, but not lately. Most odd. Most welcome! I’m now in the faster lane.

Two cats lying perfectly content at opposite ends on a very thin fence, facing each other. Both look very comfortable… but how?

Just noticed these are all in twos… two cats, two lanes, two magpies and two sparrows. And it’s the 2nd of May. Coincidence? I don’t think so – only one heart.

Things I’ve noticed

Australia is back! The WordPress app on the mobile phone appears to have updated its flags of the world, and Australia has finally reappeared. The flag had been replaced by a strange world-like symbol, and it was the only country for this to happen to. I first mentioned this in a post at the beginning of the year. SORTED!

Speaking of WordPress, the Gravatar images on my PC have been doing something funky over the past few days, but they seem to have been fixed now as well. WONDERFUL! Everyone is back to normal.

It must have gone bloomin’ cold in the night, for my car didn’t like it this morning. It was OK after a while though, but for about fifteen minutes I was driving as though I had square wheels! WARMED UP!

Apple and blackcurrant go really well together. Just saying!

Things I’ve dreamt

One of my recurring dreams recurred last night. I was at a beach resort (normally Blackpool but this time I was in Spain), it was night-time, and I walked out of the complex I was staying in onto the beach front. It was snowing, and the snow was being blown inland from the sea. The complex were broadcasting a message onto the snow in an array of colours, but I couldn’t make it out. I could see that a message was trying to come through, but it wasn’t clear enough. Louis Walsh from ITV’s X-Factor was also there for some reason, commenting on how remarkable it was. Most strange.

I walked back to the complex, but couldn’t get into my room. I’d gone to a different level (all levels were identical, only the staff were different, and the names of the sections of the levels although I didn’t know this at the time) It took me a while to get back to the correct room.

On my way back to the room, I thought I’d quickly run to a shop to pick up something to eat, but got there and realised I had no money. I went back to the complex, and cut through a living room, as you do in dreams, and sitting there were two presenters of UK TV’s lunchtime chat show ‘Loose Women’. One of them very sternly told me to stick to the protocol. That message was very clear.

Protocol? What protocol???

Things I’ve got to do

Need to make a dental appointment and begin a health kick. At least I’m still human and not something that has been programmed, if I can say that!

Still trying to get around to the blogs I follow… I’m doing far better than I was, but I must improve. If I was a machine, I’d probably be better at this, but I’m not!

In the same breath, I’m still trying to find enough time to even reply to the many comments left here. I WILL DO IT. I will! I’ll just have to set myself a protocol, it seems.

Things I’ve thought

I did say a while back, I was going to write a few silly posts. I’m still waiting for that to start.

I want to paint on stretched canvas. I need to find the time to paint on stretched canvas.

I want to get creative with air-drying clay. I refer myself to the previous paint – er – point.

I may have started with the silly posts.

Ah well. I may never make head nor tale of it. Just like life, I suppose. Just go with the flow and enjoy every moment… and every surprise along the way.

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The Pinocchio Effect

Decades ago when I was just a wee boy, knee high to a grasshopper, and in total awe of everything that was around me, I made a monumental decision. OK, I wasn’t exactly knee high, getting on for eight, nine or possibly ten years old, and the awesomeness of some things had started to shine a little less brightly thanks to a few ‘others’ who really deserve not to be mentioned, but that’s by the by now – water under the bridge.

I was knee high to a grasshopper in my mind when my monumental decision was made.

I used to love evening television in those days. Doctor Who used to terrify me, and I was always pleased when it went off, but I still watched it. Scooby Doo and Goober and the Ghostchasers were my favourite cartoons at the time, Scooby still being up there now, although Goober seems to have faded away somewhat. And Friday night TV used to show Mind Your Language at 7pm followed by Space:1999. Mind Your Language was a sitcom about foreign adult students learning to speak English with hilarious and child-like results, and Space:1999 a sci-fi series about a colony of folk trapped on the Moon after it was forced, following nuclear explosions, out of Earth’s orbit and sent hurtling off into outer space. I think this is where my fondness of the Universe at large stems from – although some of those stories were quite frightening at the time. I always felt sad a little when this programme went off.

It was during Space:1999 that I worked out how old I would have been in 1999. Bearing in mind I was in my mind knee high to a grasshopper at the time, my 1999 age of [AGE REMOVED DUE TO THE PINOCCHIO EFFECT] made me seem ancient. It was years into the future, and there was no way, in my mind, that I could ever be that old. So, in that instant I decided I would never age. Never grow up.

Obviously, time had other ideas. Days came and went, and with them I aged. I wasn’t unique. I didn’t stay knee high to a grasshopper. I became tall, gangly, lanky, spotty, introverted, awkward, spottier, less tall, wider, more awkward, clumsy, less spotty (at last!) and finally more rounded (in more than one sense). And through all of those stages, I aged. Year after year my body did what bodies do everywhere. I reached [AGE REMOVED DUE TO THE PINOCCHIO EFFECT] and I decided enough was enough. I was going to stay at that age no matter what. When asked how old I was, the age [AGE REMOVED DUE TO THE PINOCCHIO EFFECT] would just spill out of my mouth, even though I looked older. Puzzled faces looked back at me, but I couldn’t see why they thought it was so strange I was as old as I said I was. It was my age.

That age has since doubled, and I can no longer use it. I’m still growing. I had lived my life as Pinocchio.

Inner Librarian: You’ve got that wrong.
Me: No, I haven’t. That’s the story of my life so far, without events.
Inner Librarian: Yes, I know, but you’ve still got it wrong. You’re referring to the Pinocchio Effect, which is about lies and untruths. You should be referring to the Peter Pan Effect, which is about the boy who never grew up.
Me: Oh. But I have been lying about my age, and I have grown up, so the Peter Pan Effect doesn’t fit. The Pinocchio Effect doesn’t really fit either, as Pinocchio was a wooden boy, and I’m not wooden.
Inner Librarian: …
Thomasina (Inner Woman): I think he’s referring to your dancing. Have you seen yourself dance?
Me: Oh, so you’re all ganging up on me now, are you? Fine.
Fingers (Inner Typist): Nto lal of su.

Me: Well that’s good. And I’m a fabulous dancer. And I have great hair as well. There. Is that good enough for the Pinocchio Effect???
Inner Librarian: And the Peter Pan one.
Me: Whatever. Sometimes I wish there was a Jack and Jill Effect so I could lead you all out of my head.
Fingers: Lal of su?
Inner Librarian: And you now mean the Pied Piper Effect. The Jack and Jill Effect is about ups and downs.
Me: Yes. And I know what I mean. I think. Anyway, I’m Piscean.
Inner Libran: What has that got to do with things?
Inner Librarian: I was thinking the very same thing.
Me: Seeing opposites. Being dreamy. Being creative.
Inner Libran: Did you know that Albert Einstein was a Piscean?
Me: Was he?
Thomasina: Of course you knew that. You have his hair.
Fingers: OLO!
Me: I. DO. NOT.
Inner Libran: And he was creative.
Inner Librarian: And a good thinker.
Fingers: Oyu tned to oervnithk tnihsg.
Me: Sigh. I can’t win. Anywya, (FINGERS!) all of you Inners – stop spoiling my post! Go. Get out of my head. GO!!!

Right. Sorry about that: back on track now. What I was trying to say, before being so rudely side-lined there, is that lying about your age doesn’t really work. I’ve spent years being [AGE REMOVED DUE TO THE PINOCCHIO / PETER PAN / JACK AND JILL / PIED PIPER / HUMPTY FLIPPIN’ DUMPTY EFFECT] when in reality I was growing and ageing all along. I’m now almost the same time this side of 1999 as I was when I first made my monumental decision. My mind, however, has always stayed young. That, I think, has never properly grown up. Sometimes I’m still knee high to a grasshopper.

Sometimes, I still see everything around me and I’m in awe of it.
Sometimes, I make things up. I live in a make believe world, where everything and everyone is just so. Just so what is difficult to explain, apart from being pleasant. Yes, it’s made up. I’m aware that the world isn’t as pleasant as I imagine it to be, but putting the two worlds together it really isn’t that bad. I suppose it’s like growing up without focussing on the events, or staying put in a time that just Feels Good.

Sometimes I’m still knee high to a grasshopper, but a little wiser. Not as wise as Albert Einstein, or a wisened Doctor, or Captain Koenig in Space:1999, but wiser just the same.

I’m just me. With flaws, likes and dislikes just like the rest of us. I’m at an age where being at my age should really be reflected outwards, but it isn’t. Not all the time.

And my Inner Child is loving it.

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Self Aware

Earlier today, I found myself.

Now, how deep is that? Well, it would be, if it didn’t carry on!

Earlier today, I found myself thinking about how quirky I can be in different situations, not at all the rational example of the human being that I think I should be. Mind you, having a blog like this should strike away the rational part in an instant, but I digress.

It all started as I set out to work this morning. I reached my car, and remembered I’d forgotten something. I’ve actually forgotten now what I’d remembered I’d forgotten then, but that isn’t important, the fact is I always remember I’ve forgotten something when I get to the car. Sometimes, I’ve set off and have to return, and other times, like this morning, I remember just before setting off. You’d think with the regularity of it all, I’d remember before leaving the Mansion, but oh, no. I don’t give it a thought until I’m out through the door and on the far side of the Courtyard.

Some mornings I don’t help myself. For one reason or another, I’m up late and rushing around trying to catch up with time (something I have never managed to do, as my blog visiting proves. I will get there. I will!). Usually, on such mornings, I have to iron extra creases into my shirt for work. I always have to iron when running late. That, or shave (and luckily up to now (touch wood (and I’m actually touching wood typing that) I haven’t mixed up the iron with the razor!) When you rush, you always seem to get more creases, don’t you? I live with them now… although next time, I must remember to leave the ironing and wear the shirt as is… ie less creased.

Now, I do have a terrible memory. I mean I remember things, but just not at the time I need them, which would probably explain the every-morning forgetfulness. I have to knock on a door when I lock it, so that when I can’t remember locking it, I may remember knocking it. I never knock until I’ve locked, and I never walk until I’ve nalked (knocked – can’t remember where I heard that from). So, mornings where I’m rushed can get a bit hairy (especially when I haven’t had time to iron shave). So, some mornings, I rush around a bit, then fly out of the house in a crumpled shirt, lock, knock, run to the car, get in, drive off, drive back, run back into the Mansion, pick up what I’ve forgotten, fly out of the Mansion again, lock, knock, gallop across the Courtyard, get into the car, drive off, and then ask myself if I’d unplugged the iron. Or if I’d locked the door.

Driving to work this morning, at a leisurely pace (I always try not to rush) I started thinking about how odd I am in most situations. I’d even thought of an excellent title for this blog post, but by the time I’d reached work I’d forgotten it. Never mind. At least I remembered what I wanted to write about, so that’s good.

When driving between a tight space I breathe in; I thought this morning as I drove. Most people do that, I’m sure. When driving under a height restriction sign, or through a low tunnel, I duck down. I know I’m in my car, which is higher and wider than me as I’m just sitting there moving it forwards, but I can’t help it. If something hits the windscreen, I blink – a natural reaction. When up in the mountains, on foot this time, not in the car, I have the strangest feeling that I’m about to fall off… even if the decline is so gentle I’m uneasy. Put me by the edge of a canyon, or sharp drop, and I have to get down on all fours. No way can I stand there. Yet when I visited New York City years ago, I had no problems being up on the roof of one of the World Trade Center towers. See… odd.

I remember once being on all fours looking down into a swirling curdling bubbling river, that reminded me of pea soup. This memory is from when I was very little, yet when I mention it to people, nobody knows of where I’m referring to, and they don’t remember taking me there. It’s so vivid I couldn’t have made it up, but I wouldn’t have been there by myself. My theory? It’s a memory of a past life that has stayed with me. Perhaps I fell into this river… or maybe I was pushed…

That’s all well and good, but it makes no sense at all. I can’t remember what I did five to ten minutes ago, yet I can remember with ease a past life (or one part of it anyway!)

Other quirks I’m just remembering…

  • I like watching bugs and flies and spiders going about their business, but freak out if one lands on my arm
  • I cannot buy an item from a shop if there is only one left on the shelf, even if I only want one
  • I have to be served by a human and never use a self service check out
  • I’m known for terrible hair. The other day, it looked really, REALLY good. I felt odd
  • I really must exercise more, but put it off until tomorrow. Then I forget to do it

I quite like being quirky though. It’s frustrating at times, but it’s also quite funny. My quirks are probably shared by millions of people, but I feel they are unique to me. It’s knowing and embracing our quirks, and using them to their best advantage, that begins to make us better people within. We can’t go far if we dislike something about ourselves, that dislike holds us back and prevents us doing things. We grow to resent it, and that resentment is transmitted out to the point where others notice. Yes, I like my quirks. Each and everyone of them. I may not be able to remember them all, but they try to remind me constantly. I’m happy to say.

I began this post by saying that earlier today I found myself. Maybe I wasn’t that far wrong.


And whilst you’re here (if you haven’t already!) would you like to take a candle or two and spread a little light around the world? This link will take you to my post where you will find several candles to choose from. The candles are free to be taken, you don’t need to link back here or anything if you do take one/some/them, I simply created them so we can all share the light.