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Back to the Mansion

The Mansion 1

With the days getting shorter and cooler, thank goodness, and bones healing, I think it’s time that I ventured back into the Mansion. That’s the back of the Mansion up there, by the way. I’m going to make some very long overdue replies to comments – by that, I mean long overdue, not long comments… the comment posters may have even forgotten about the comment, so there’s no point waffling on endlessly about something that has most probably been forgotten.

A bit like this post, but that’s what it is.

I’m still here.

And I’m coming back.

(You know what I mean…!)

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‘Throomageddon is Nigh!

Already the subtle signs of chaos are seeping through.

Spellchecker now needs to be told twice when to add a word to the dictionary. Once or twice every now and then is fine, but when you use words like I do, many a word is created and needs adding, and thus many a second can be wasted by clicking ‘add’ twice. Technology, eh?

Mind you, I digress.

I’m signing out of Blogland for a week or so now.

The Bathroom in the Mansion is being dramatically altered from tomorrow, the old Bathroom never to be seen again, and a newer, younger version is replacing it. Long time visitors will know that the Bathroom holds many a mystical quality, which may or may not be hidden forever when the changes take effect.

Things are already upside down here, not that that isn’t the norm, but they are more upside down than normal. They are so upside down, in fact, they are almost back to being downside up when viewed through a smoky mirror whilst riding a bicycle on a cobbled road.

The past few weeks have been not very productive for me, blogwise. I’ve kept this place ticking over, but I haven’t had chance to reply to a single comment for what must be a month now… and I haven’t yet had chance to visit the blogs I follow either. I apologise for that. Upon my return, I shall reply to all comments, and then start my blog visiting afresh. That means, unfortunately, I will have missed many a post written by the marvellous bloggers that I follow.

Please bear with me during these refurbishments.

Oh, perhaps I should have said at the beginning of this post ‘please don’t read this whilst listening to any sinister sounding music in the background’, it may be too late now, but better late than never.

‘Throomageddon is Nigh!

For my last watercolour for #WorldWatercolorMonth (which is twenty-two of twenty-two, and twenty-two out of thirty-one isn’t a bad number!) I present a wet on wet oceanscape,  there’s that double-click again, which I allowed to evolve.

There does appear to be a black hole in the centre of it.

Or maybe that’s just my imagination.

I shall see you upon my return… until then – Feel Good!

(The Superhero Diaries is a scheduled post and will still appear on Thursday, unless the internet frazzles between now and then…)

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Early Warning Notification

Blogland! I warn thee of possible dire consequences yet to come.

The direst, in fact.

Brace yourselves, for this is one of those moments you will be pleased to have received an Early Warning Notification for.

I kid thee not.

Thine very souls know this to be the truth; so beware you may shudder when you read the following words…

Toward the end of July (July 2018 to be specific!) the Bathroom in the Mansion is to be replaced.

Now, compose yourself. Settle down, and take deep and measured breaths. I will allow you to calm before I continue.

Ready?

OK, then.

Yes, everything in the Bathroom is being removed and renewed. As many of you know, the Bathroom is home to an Interdimensional Vortex, which is currently hidden behind a curtain. I hope it behaves itself when the workmen arrive, although disturbing any structure which is built where multiple Ley Lines cross is bound to cause some ripples throughout space and time.

I shall be focussing energies away from the Bathroom when the work begins… but you never know.

Especially where my Bathroom is concerned.

I just thought it was only fair to let you know in advance…

image

Above: The old Bathroom with the Vortex lurking behind the curtain. Apologies for the state of the photo, but cameras don’t work particularly well in the Bathroom… and it’s actually blue.

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The Place of W

Outside the realms of my magical and wondrous Mansion exists another place. The polar opposite, if you like.

A dark and sinisterly treacherous place known only as W. There, clouds swirl in turmoil overhead, and sometimes around. Icy winds blast and cut straight through exposed skin, deep into the warm veins beneath – some dare say they reach deep within the soul. With me, they simply try. I have a coat that keeps such things at bay.

The earth churns and groans, as if trying to rid itself of the hefty mass that tries to spread across its surface. Shadows fall down cracks at sunset, with dead trees appearing to take their place, but they are all merely an illusion. An echoing thud thud thud from the distant railway line is sometimes carried in by the wind – more so on misty evenings – but since the railway line was closed down over twenty years ago the actual source remains a mystery.

Old-fashioned telephones can be heard ringing through the broken glass in windows of offices long disused. Sometimes, ghostly voices can be heard in conversation – but with whom? Are they another illusion or a figment of many an imagination. Perhaps they are a recording, trapped amidst the turmoil of the churning and groaning soil of this darkened place.

Other buildings stand ominously. Birds fly around the rooftops like bats and ravens in a horror movie. The buildings themselves seem to come alive on the night of the Full Moon, but some, I’m told, have seen a change at the time of the Summer Solstice. I haven’t seen this personally. I tend not to stick around.

I have to go to this and through this Land of W daily for work.

It makes coming home to the Mansion all the more inviting and all the more pleasurable.

There has to be balance. Things wouldn’t be the same without it.

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Magical Mishap

Look, it wasn’t my fault.

I’d gone into the Bathroom to perform a little spell to try to get rid of all of the Seasonal Spirits I’d somehow managed to unleash in an earlier post. I’d gathered all of the required items, elements and other whatnots and set about casting the spell.

For those who are unaware, the Bathroom has a rather mystical quality, shall we say. A convergence of Ley Lines, a trans-dimensional portal, a strong magnetic field and an ethereal feel add to its mysticism. It’s an ideal room for casting spells and carrying out scientific experiments, many of which I have carried out in the past without too much of an incident. Ahem.

Why would I think this should be any different?

I placed the required twelve red candles in a circle, and stood at the most northerly point I could. I read the incantation scroll word for word, and then left the Bathroom to allow the elements to do their thing. The scroll said twenty minutes and then I had to switch off the candles.

Yes, I know that sounds odd, but at the time, to me, it didn’t.

After being out of the Bathroom for about five minutes, I heard a peculiar ‘sucking’ sound coming from there, and then a dull backwards-sounding thump. Actually, it was more like a thhhhhhhhupppp.

I returned to the Bathroom, opened the door, and this is what I saw:

The whole Bathroom had gone, replaced by the entire Universe.

“That shouldn’t have happened” I thought to myself, and opened the scroll to see if it mentioned any odd side effects.

Now, let me explain that the writing on the scroll is very elaborate and fancy, with all sorts of swirls, squiggles and lines coming off each and every letter. It was easy to misread RED for LED. I only noticed this after the event, but obviously by then it was too late. I read the terms and conditions that were on a second scroll in the spell kit, and they advised that some of the elements used in the spell become very volatile when subjected to a naked flame, hence the reason for artificial LED candles needing to be used. Oops.

The terms and conditions went on to say that other elements were included to prevent any adverse reactions, although at certain times of the year these other elements become considerably inactive. It listed October around the time of the Full Moon as one of these times. Oops again. Maybe I should have read the terms and conditions before starting.

It also stated that if an implosion occurs, which I would presume has happened in the Bathroom, instead of eradication, the effect would be multiplication… so I seem to have managed to increase the number of free Seasonal Spirits. The scroll says the increase in number is based on the time of day, multiplied by ten. I cast the spell at 10pm, so 10X10=100, so I’ve multiplied the Seasonal Spirits by a hundred. I’m hoping that’s the case, and the spell doesn’t use the 24 hour clock, in which case the multiplication of the Seasonal Spirits would have been by 220.

I’m trying to get through to the spell helpline, but all lines are engaged at the moment. I shall keep trying. There is a way to reverse the spell, so worry you not… it’s just that I left that part of the scroll in the Bathroom and it’s now floating around the Universe somewhere.