The Superhero Diaries 5.1: Safe Haven

Hi. It’s Lycralad here, from the Elite Force of Britain. We’re a band of superheroes who joined together many years ago (or so it seems) to do battle with all kinds of unscrupulous individuals. And ourselves at times – but we are mostly like one big happy family. On the whole.

We have a bit of an issue, though, where our innermost secrets seem to be leaked. Of course, some of those secrets have been deliberately leaked by us to help with our ‘top secret’ missions, yet others have caught us by surprise. Luckily, none of our more personal secrets, such as our friends’ and family’s details or our secret identities have been revealed. But that is just another risk we take as superheroes.

What follows here are the minutes to one of our recent meetings, that Supervillains United managed to get hold of. There isn’t much in it, but we do tend to keep most of what is going on between the lines…

In Attendance: The Stealth Gentleman (SG); The Green Gladiator (GG); Bettystretch246 (BS); The Crimson Songbird (CS); Psychic Sue (PS); Cloud (CL); Muriel Magnificent (MM); The Firetop (FT); Invisible Charlie (IC); Lycralad (LY); The Diver (DI); The Puddleton Protector (PP)

Guest Attendees: Angel Change (AC); ParrotGirl (PG); Simba Katiya (SK); Felyne (FE); El Pizzazz (EP); Topaz (TO); Windboy (WB); IceWind (ICw); Hera (HE); Mistress De Leur (MDL); Patricia Power (PPo); Raydarr (RA); Sable Sapphire (SS); Simon Starr (SSt); Sia Klath (SK); Solar (SO);

Not In Attendance: All in attendance

Chair and Minutes: Viridian (VI)

Subject of Discussion: Secret Headquarters

Reason for Meeting: To discuss whether to reveal the location of the Secret Headquarters to the world.

Other Notes: The meeting took place in the kitchen as there were too many people in attendance to fit in the meeting room. Even in the kitchen it was a tight squeeze, so the location of a more suitable meeting room was also put on the agenda.

MM spoke in length about the fact that the Secret Headquarters being inside the tallest building in Mid Town Centre makes it stand out anyway. FT commented that many a supervillain have called by and rang the doorbell, so the fact that they know where it is speaks volumes. GG reminded us all that the milk delivery invoices has ‘the superhero HQ’ written on the top when it is pushed through the door.

CL felt that the location should remain secret, as even though almost everybody knew where it was, they had no proof. IC reminded CL (who wasn’t in attendance at the time) that the location was made publicly available when SK’s spacecraft crashed into the top floor last Summer, and all superheroes in attendance went flying out through the fifth floor window to investigate, on the day of the Mid Parade.

PG advised that her (secret identity) hairdresser knew the location of the headquarters, and not only that, had a plan of the building’s layout on the wall of her salon, as a piece of abstract art.

LY said he thought the location was public knowledge all along.

MDL, FE and EP (in attendance due to being zapped to today from one of their battles back in 1924) advised caution against revealing the location, even though many knew where it was.

WB and PPo suggested moving to a new location, a cave, or a satellite headquarters in space.

DI then suggested an underwater HQ would be more secure, although FT advised he can’t swim and doesn’t like water. SK advised that she is barred from outer space, which was why her spacecraft crashed last year. CS said being in a cave was totally unsuitable.

PP suggested moving the location out of Mid entirely, and setting up a new one in Puddleton.

PPo agreed with PP and said she knew of the ideal location there, as her secret identity estate agent had such a place for sale. PS also thought moving to Puddleton would be a good idea, as it was in a more central location.

RA mentioned that Mid should remain home to the headquarters, as people expected the superheroes to be there.

BS thought they should put it to a vote as to whether to remain in Mid or leave to Puddleton. This motion was carried, and the vote scheduled to take place after this meeting.

HE asked if those in attendance as guests should be allowed to vote, and it was agreed that all present that day would be allowed. VI would make up the ballot papers before the vote.

TO requested a photo be taken of the entire group, as this meeting was such a monumental one not likely to be seen again. This motion too was carried, and the photo session was arranged for just after the vote.

SS had to be excused from the meeting to do her hair.

SG suggested converting the gym on the fifth floor to become the new meeting room, as the superheroes spend much of their time there anyway. The old meeting room could then become the gym.

BS then pointed out that the Sixth floor has remained empty since the haunting and maybe that could be used to house the new meeting room. PS advised she would check out the Sixth floor with the Psychic Recorder to see whether any entities remained.

IC thought moving the gym to the current meeting room wouldn’t be such a good idea as it would get too warm. The open air flow on the fifth floor made it ideal to keep the gym where it was.

It was decided to put the room move on hold for now, pending Psychic Sue’s investigations.

SS returned to the meeting in time for the conclusion.

In Conclusion:
So, in conclusion, most in attendance had a say on the discussion, and a chance to vote in the location move after the meeting. The room move was probably best to be put on hold just in case the vote was to move the Secret Headquarters. If the move took place, the meeting room location would be discussed there, and if the move didn’t take place it would be discussed here afterwards.

Meeting Adjourned

The Superhero Diaries 4.6: Corporate Support

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problem after problem. Recently, the team appear to have disappeared from the face of the planet – from the Universe, in fact! The despicable supervillain organisation Supervillains United have noticed this and have taken matters into their own hands with one goal in mind: world domination. People everywhere are now starting to demand the superheroes’ return following an open letter sent to the EFB by a child named Emily last week. Here are some of the letters from companies willing to share their concerns:

Dear Emily,
We too anxiously await the return of the superheroes.
We have found that superheroes aren’t necessarily people who possess remarkable abilities, but rather people who use whatever abilities they have, great or small, for the good of all.
Normal, everyday people can be, and are, superheroes. Although with the onslaught of the current super-powered supervillains we ordinary people are somewhat powerless to stop them, we do have one thing which will, in the end, defeat them.
That one thing is HOPE.
We join you in the hope that our superheroes return very soon.
Kind Regards,
Scott Urban (aged 45) and the rest of the UrbanArtiz team.

Dear Superheroes,
As a company that has been on the receiving end of despicable and frustrating antics from a variety of supervillains and the dastardly Supervillains United supergroup, we add our voice to the growing number of frustrated citizens waiting for the urgent return of our missing superheroes.
We wait to see you in our skies, on our roads, in our waters, and on our televisions (properly) once again.
The Sunbottle Labelling Company (A part of AMCE Industries)

Dear Emily and Tiddle’s,
We were moved by your open letter that had been so callously discarded last week, we had to write.
Like you, we need our superheroes to return, and like you we want them back as soon as possible.
We at Spark’s Electrical Goods have had a long association with the Elite Force of Britain, and are waiting to hear of their return.
Thank you,
Mr Sparks

My Dear EFB,
We at Hemingway’s Quality Tailors and Cleaners are proud to have been serving you, our most excellent superheroes since you formed as a team all those years ago. We hope you are well, and upon your return will be delighted to share with you our latest special offers on repairs and costume amendments, should you require them – as always, discretion is assured.
Please return soon (we are currently working a three day week and have had to lay off two staff, so your absence is definitely being felt here).
See you VERY soon,
Charles T. Hemingway and Sons

Dear Elite Force of Britain,
We at the Pyramid have been rescued many times by your members, either individually, or in a group, and really appreciate all of the help you have given us.
Our door security will be the first to admit that they are no match for some of the supervillain clientele who call in here every now and then, so we look forward to your return.
When you do, please call in and we will extend Happy Hour to Happy Saturday in your honour.
Please return soon.
The Management and Staff at The Pyramid


The Superhero Diaries 4.5: Emily

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to eradicate problem after problem. Recently, the team have been somewhat otherwise engaged. Some are now speculating missing in action. Rumours had it that some superheroes were off-world on a secret mission – a fact now seemingly discounted by N.A.S.A. (the North Atlantic Spaceways Agency; they always get confused with the other NASA) and other folk say the superheroes are busy dealing with more home-grown issues. Supervillains United are having a field day with their arch nemesises being ‘elsewhere’… and ‘ordinary’ folk are now getting slightly worried… Here are two letters from concerned citizens, both coincidentally named Emily (the second letter was found discarded in a tip outside the EFB Secret Headquarters) (the authenticity of both letters has yet to be determined):

Dear Superheroes,

Where are you?

Why have you deserted us?

Mrs Jones, my teacher, says you have gone to teach us all a lesson. To tell us not to rely on others but to trust in ourselves and do our own thing.

I don’t believe it.

My friend, Curtis Ooma, was rescued by you once. He couldn’t help himself. He was seven. He was trapped when the dam exploded. Without you. He’d have gone.

Mrs Jones says the dam exploded because of you, but I don’t believe that. She says it is all in the natural balance of things, and with you not being here the balance will be restored. I haven’t said anything to her, but how can you not being here cause balance? And how can all those evil baddies create balance?

I don’t trust what I’m being told. What I see doesn’t match what should be. If I can see that, at eight years old, why can’t grown ups? I’ve always known that trust is the biggest virtue, but what is trust when there is nothing to back it up?

Where are you?

Please come back and let me trust again.

Let me believe again.

I’m lost without you.

And I’m not the only one.

Love, Emily.

Dear Superheroes,

Where are you?

My name is Emily and I’m nine years old and last week my pet Tiddles got stuck up a tree and Daddy had to climb up and rescue her because it was wet and because it was wet he slipped and fell out and broken his arm.

Tiddles jumped down just afterwards but daddys arm is now very sore and you could have helped if you’d have been here like you did with Monster last year.

Please write back to me and let me know you are OK.

My favourite superhero is Crimson Songbird as red is my favourite colour.

Thank you


Aged 9

And Tiddles

Aged 1¼

The Superhero Diaries 4.3: Regretfully Yours

The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to solve one problem and decided to stick together to solve many. Lately, however, the team have been elsewhere. Some superheroes are on an important mission on a planet far, far away, and others are dealing with more home-grown issues. Due to this lack in superheroes, the despicable Supervillains United have taken the opportunity to strike.
Speculation is running high that the superheroes’ return is imminent, so the SVU are swiftly undertaking a recruitment campaign to swell their number.

The even more despicable Dropped Apostrophe is in charge of recruitment. And he is ‘roofless’ as he occasionally describes himself. A rejection letter has been delivered to a wannabe new member, it appears the applicant’s name had been deliberately left off the letter.


Thank you for your recent request to join Supervillain’s United (you’re only true supervillain group).

Regretfully at this time, we are unable to offer you a permanent place within our membership.

Our background cheques have revealed that you were once saved by a member of the Elite Farce of Britain, and as such we deem you to be more loyal to their cause than hours.

If, however, you choose to persew further your request to join are ranks, please fill out another form and get it back to us, wear we can cheque you agane.

Regretfully Your’s,

The Dropped Apostrophe UPR CSE cmma FLSTP

Designated Commander Recruitment Division