Sinister hand-made hand-delivered letters have been arriving at the secret headquarters of the Elite Force of Britain in Cheshire, causing some of the EFB to be baffled as to who the letters can be from. Viridian recorded the letters into the EFB tape recorder, and Bettystretch246 typed up the recordings for the EFB’s EFB Paper Files, together with Viridian’s comments.

Dear Muriel Magnificent,
Our recent battle in the warehouse is far from over. Throw this letter around your colleagues if you dare, and next time the battle will come to you. I have already shattered your ear rings and destroyed your cardigan, the next time you interfere in one of our plans, we will something something, something something.

(The cut out pieces of newspaper here had become so sodden with the glue the letter author had used, they had become un-readable). We have an idea this may be from Muriel Magnificent’s arch-enemy the Overthrower, but sometimes these supervillains try to throw us off guard by sending red herrings. The Firetop noticed that one of his enemies, the demon-like Ganthenex, has also been mentioned in this letter. We’ll keep this one open on file.

Dear The Cloud,
Raindrop here. You have never met me, but I have met you. Everywhere. And I will meet you again, very soon.

This sounds more like a weather forecast than a warning letter, but it may go some way to explain the odd weather conditions lately. We’ll keep this one open on file.

Dear Lycralad,
I’ve seen you in those sewers in Blackpool with that odd looking woman. I’ve also seen you talking to that funny looking Chicken Girl. And why you have to go shopping with the one who looks like she’s reading everyone’s mind is beyond me. Tell her to read my mind – .

There’s nothing else in this letter. Even though it’s addressed to Lycralad, I think it’s actually intended for Psychic Sue. As she’s on holiday for two weeks, we’ll keep this one open on file.

Dear Viridian,
We’ll leave this one open on file.

Dear The Crimson Songbird,
I don’t think we’ve ever met. I don’t know anything about you. But as you are part of this band of buffoon’s I will make sure that we do meet. Until that day come’s my Scarlet Beauty, keep singing.

The only current supervillain who has never met the Crimson Songbird as part of the EFB is the Dropped Apostrophe. And this letter has his name written all over it. We’ll keep this one open on file.

Dear Invisible Charlie,
Your new trousers are ready at Hemingway’s.

Ah. We’ll place this in Invisible Charlie’s in tray for when we next see him.

Dear The Elite Farce of Britain,
We know where your secret headquarter’s is. We know who some of your secret identitie’s are. Weave been watching you all for some time now. We’re the ones behind the big behind heist. We’re the ones who own the Amce Company. We’re the ones who have been reading your social media secrets. And we’re the ones who have been delivering all of these letters. And we’re now ready for you. Always be prepared. You’ll be seeing us soon.

We’ll keep this one open on file. And Bettystretch, send out a general emergency alert on all frequencies. We’re going to be busy.

***More from the Superhero Diaries will be revealed next year.***

7 thoughts

  1. I like the fact that all these “love letters” start with a “Dear” polite we tend to get even when we mean to be rude! Oh…wait..I meant..ahem…so polite those super-villains are ..ahem..
    Ooo and nice spelling mistake there..Weave instead of we’ve..much like the your becoming you’re, their becoming there..for some reason those irk me sooooooooooooooo much!!


    1. Yes, they are very polite supervillains, Shree.
      Not so polite when they are running away with their hordes of jewels and other things that supervillains like to go after, or throwing themselves through walls, but they are polite in their letters!
      The Dropped Apostrophe has made his mark on you it seems, Shree! 😉


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