OK, I may be being a little over-dramatic here, but, as tomorrow, Saturday, February 22nd, 2014, is the date scheduled for another apocalypse, namely the Norse Ragnarök no less, I’ve taken matters into my own hands, and traversed the many avenues of past and present to find five people who would serve as heroes, to help to protect us should the need arise.
They are waiting, slightly dazed and confused on a pirate ship which is parked outside in the Grinds.
They know that they are here, but have no idea why they’re here, where here is, and why they’ve been chosen.
They also have no access to the internet on the pirate ship, the Fortune, so can’t even find out by reading this post.
I shall only tell them why I’ve plucked them from their own times should the need arise; there’s no point confusing them any more, and if their services are not required, then they can think this is all a dream.
If however, the corners of the Universe come crashing down around us, and mortals and immortals find themselves in a surreal combat, I shall be explaining why they need to protect me. Us. Us.
So, my team of heroes are really anything but, but I’m sure they’ll come into their own when the time is right.
The ship, the Fortune, belongs to the Seventeenth Century pirate Bartholomew Roberts. He’s originally from Wales you know, born somewhere near Haverfordwest in 1682. I picked him up when he was 38, though, after he had travelled the oceans for a few good years. He was considered a legend among other seafarers, with some considering him a hero for the way he managed to keep the crew safe when on… erm… a mission.
I must be careful not to call him by his other name, Black Bart, as he was never called it whilst he lived, and apparently there was another pirate of the same name around his time. Apparently.
Joining Bart in this weird and wonderful crew is a fellow Seventeenth Century hero of sorts, the Highwayman James Hind. James only stole from Parliamentarians, and although any kind of theft should be frowned upon, back then it was deemed to be OK. James only got caught when he bit off more than he could chew and tried to rob Oliver Cromwell, for which, unfortunately, he was hung, drawn and quartered. James, that is, not Oliver.
Obviously, I’ve plucked him from a time before then, because we do need him to be a little more useful.
I dragged myself back into the modern era for my next heroine, but I wanted a bit of fun as well, so, from 1967 I plucked Ellie Wood Walker from a TV studio set where she was filming the pilot show of a new TV series called Wonder Woman. I don’t think the series took off, but Ellie managed to provide a few laughs in a terrible script, and she may be able to do it in real life as well. She’s dressed as Wonder Woman though, Wonder Woman from the 1960s that is.
Next, I went back to the year 1500, and plucked a shy lady by the name of Ursula Southeil. She also goes by the name of Mother Shipton, as she is one of England’s more famous prophetesses. She’s a prophetess extraordinaire, and, as we’re dealing with a prophecy right now, I thought having a soothsayer along should give us the heads up, should we need it.
Completing my Fantastic Five, is Sweyn Forkbeard. Before you ask Sweyn who? I shall tell you. He’s only the first Danish / Viking King of England, that’s all, the one who made Gainsborough in Lincolnshire the capital, and fathered the one and only King Canute. Sweyn only ruled for five weeks, so I had a very narrow timespan to pluck him, but I managed it.
So there we have it.
Five heroes of yesteryear waiting patiently should we need assistance in the latest coming apocalypse.
I think we’ll be OK.
Could you think of any others who I could go back and grab before Saturday? I don’t know what time the apocalypse is meant to start, but I may be able to do another couple of runs and build this group up a tad. Let me know in the comments if you think of anyone!
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