The Superhero Diaries 1.2: The Psychic Recorder

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Psychic Sue is the superhero for taking accurate notes. She is thorough, and also extremely useful when interviewing to fill vacancies in the superhero team. She records not only what is said, but also the thoughts of the person being interviewed, only to see if they will fit in with the team environment of course. The Elite Force of Britain have recently acquired a remarkable piece of computer equipment, which records the thoughts of the user when they are attached to the computer by a lead connected to a small helmet. This is a print-out of what was recorded when Psychic Sue used the computer for the first time.

Testing. Testing. Is this working?
Oh, it’s working.
This is cool, actually.
Mary had a little lamb its. Oh, what if I think something wrong?
Potatoes.
I need potatoes.
Why am I thinking that? Look it’s on the screen now.
This screen could do with a dust.
Oh.
Backspace. Backspace. Well, that doesn’t work.
So, whatever I think is recorded on here and can’t be deleted?
That’s not good. I’d really better be careful then.
It’s raining now. I didn’t want to record that but it’s too late.
Dum de dum.
Hehehe.
There must be a way to stop my thoughts appearing.
Where’s the manual?
Ah, got it. Index. Index. Index.
Power on… keyboard shortcuts… visual errors…
None of them.
Here it is. Useful commands.
To start recording thoughts, press the triangle button marked start. Yes, done that. Worked that out myself actually. Oh, look at the screen.
To stop recording thoughts, press the square button marked stop. You don’t say! Fancy putting that into a manual. Ooh. Ah. Just a Little Bit. No! Stop it!
Here we go.
Emphasis. To stress something really important, the user must blink twice.
Blink twice? What does blinking twice do?
AH, THAT LIGHT’S COME ON. OH, AND LOOK AT THE SCREEN. IT’S ALL IN CAPITALS.
HOW DO I TURN THAT OFF?
HERE WE GO. BLINK BLINK PAUSE BLINK BLINK.
Done. That’s better. I like that.
I wonder what blinking three times would do?
0010000101000101011000001111010111111111110000010101111111010101111110000101010101111010101111111111101010111111111110000000000000001010111111010111010000000001
Phew. Got it back.
What if I swear? XXXX
Now that’s clever.
XXXX XXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXX
Hehehe. HA HA! LOOK AT THAT!
Oops.
To print out the report the user simply looks at the printer icon on screen.
The printer icon? Where’s the printer icon? Ah. There it is.
Well, that’s rubbish. I’ll have to put a piece of paper over that. What a waste of paper!
Actually though, I’ll still be looking at the same part of the screen if a piece of paper was over it or not. I wonder.
Stay there, piece of paper.
It’s printing again. This is freaky.
OH MY GOODNESS, THE XXXXXXX PHONE HAS SCARED THE LIVING XXXX OUT OF ME.
OOPS.
This is going to give me eyestrain.
One of the others has got the phone. I can’t break away from this anyway.
Index. To place recorder into standby mode. Page eight. This may be it.
To place recorder into standby mode, the user must think the word swipe.
.
.
.
.
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Restarts the recording.
Swipe.
.
.
.
.
.
I like that.
Hehehe. It’s like putting a phone on mute. How does it know where to put the apostrophes?
I’m going to like using this. So much quicker than writing the notes.
This helmet’s a bit clunky though. And heavy.
You’d think a psychic reader wouldn’t need to be connected to a helmet, but I suppose it must be needed to connect the user to the machine.
I’ll look a right darling at the interview tomorrow with this on.
On.
On.
ON.
HEHEHE.
They may not notice though. They may think I wear this all the time at interviews.
I wonder who’s on the list. I hope they aren’t like the last one, the stuck up little oh swipe.
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20 comments on “The Superhero Diaries 1.2: The Psychic Recorder”

  1. wouldnt have started thinking mary had a little lamb i know a rude one to that but havent got wired up to the aqua pc so im safe lol with technology it may even be possible lol but my thoughts are my own or else i might get locked up xxjen

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  2. I did something similar to this decades ago while writing to my brother Keith when he was in the Armed Forces – what a laugh!!! 🙂

    He never quite understood that it was a joke though… 🙂

    God Bless my friend – and write more!!! 🙂

    Prenin.

    Like

  3. That was hilarious Tom! You’re such a talented writer. It’s been ages since I’ve around, I think I’ll go poke about and do some more catching up with your posts.
    Hope you had a great summer! Big hug, Nikki x

    Like

    1. Thanks, Shree!
      I was thinking a machine that records our thoughts would be a horrid thing… and then it struck me… a blog serves almost the same purpose (only not EVERY thought is shared…!)

      Like

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