It’s August the First, in the year Two Thousand and Twelve.
I’ve had a horrible, nagging feeling with me all day. It became stronger this afternoon, but has been there all day long, lurking in the back of my mind – but far away from all of the shadows and cobwebs that also lurk in there.
The day started with a person bellowing ‘Good Morning!’ to me across the office. Friendly, you may think. And usually, it is… but not when it’s an arch enemy, an office manager to boot, whose soul purpose in life is to belittle those around her to make her seem better. Snarl.
I gave her the benefit of the doubt this morning. I bellowed ‘Morning’ back at her, and walked into my office pretending that she was a leopard and had changed her spots. I glanced over to her before I entered my office and saw a huge grin across her face, which is better than the last time she bellowed good morning as she was facing the other way that time.
I settled down to work, and worked very hard, as usual. I don’t exactly know what it is that I do, but I ensure that I work hard at it anyway. My manager tells me that he couldn’t do my job as he thinks it’s boring, but adds that I’m very good at it. I’m hoping that he is looking at the end product, and not the boring or not knowing aspects of it. I can pretend that, anyway!
Anyway, this afternoon, I had to approach the Leopard to ask if she was happy with something. She made me wait whilst she was finishing a conversation, without acknowledging the fact that I had walked up to her desk. She then looked at me without saying a word. So, I uncomfortably explained to her why I had the audacity to get within clawing distance of her.
She’d raised a problem report months ago that needed looking at, and, as some time had passed from when the report was raised, the problem had seemingly cleared itself. I was asking if she had noticed any further instances of the problem lately, and if she was happy if the problem report could be closed.
“I don’t do that”. She said, stony faced, and then looked at me in stony silence. One of her team eventually helped me from out of my squirming by offering some kind of response. Eventually, we established that the problem report could be closed.
The Leopard is one of many people who I have to work with like that. I don’t know why I actually continue working there, but with the current climate any job is better than none, right, even if it means putting up with some of the more awful people in the world. I mean I actually started working in this place because I wanted to help people, but lately I’m starting to think the people I work with are actually beyond help. Lately, as in this afternoon.
It then struck me.
It’s August 1st 2012.
The month of the Blue Moon.
A Full Moon at the beginning of the month, and another one at the end.
We say that rare occurrences happen once in a Blue Moon, because of the fact that it’s rare to have two Full Moons in a month. But what about the other meaning of ‘Blue’. The feeling blue… the feeling down?
I was feeling down today. I was feeling buried under what I had to do, who I had to work with, how I perceived how ‘they’ were treating me.
I don’t treat anyone with disrespect, so in that regard, I’m already better than the Leopard and others like her at work. I may do a ‘boring’ job, but I do it well, so that, already, lifts me up.
I need to build up my protective barrier against the negative aspects of the Leopard (and others) who try to take what they can of me because I’m feeling down. Glares, silences and threatening ‘Good Mornings’ are uncomfortable, but they aren’t going to hurt me. I may just start laughing them off, lightening my mood if not darkening their’s at the same time. They may work in a position of power, but that is all the power they have.
The Moon most definitely affects our moods and feelings. I’m normally in a high, good feeling mood, and I know that I’ll be there again very soon… I just have to tell myself that it’s OK to feel down every now and then… every once in a Blue Moon… but remember to use the lower feeling to enhance the benefits of the higher good feeling of feeling good.
Which I do most of the time.
There’s nowt as queer as folk… and I know some real peculiar ones! Caricatures really. Only not as funny…
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