Professor Y… Oh why oh why?

Secretly, I’ve always fancied myself as a TV star.

Very secretly, as I’m such a private person I don’t think I could cope with the attention that comes with being a TV star, but there’s one side of me that wonders, on occasion, what if?

And another side of me adds to the confusion by saying what if I had a character within me that became a TV star? Not an Inner Being, I hasten to add, but a whole new character.

Then, I was whisked into a parallel universe where such a character exists. Now, what are the chances of that happening?

The character’s name is Merriman. Tom Merriman for short, Tomliam Merriman for long. My doppelgänger in this parallel universe is either very hard working, which is not so unlike myself (at times) or is constantly on repeat.

As I was in this alternate reality, waiting to get back here, I had nothing to do but flick through the TV channels to see what was on.

On one channel, a strange programme about an alien visitor to Earth who travels with a shoebox was starting. Professor Y it was called. Tom Merriman was Professor Y. I watched about five minutes of it, and couldn’t make head nor tail of it, so I switched channels.

The next channel burst forth with the unforgettable Dallas theme tune. The latest episode was just starting, and look who was in it:

 

It must have been from years ago as my alternative-reality-ego looked so much younger than I do today. He does today. We do. Erm. Moving on.

Anyway, I didn’t feel like watching myself in Dallas, so I changed channels yet again.

This time, I was in luck as an episode of Smallville was starting, which was one of my favourite shows from a few years ago. Until I saw who was in it.

I decided to work through the cringing, and watch the episode. Luckily, my character’s double’s character didn’t appear for the first ten minutes of the episode, due to the plotline being set up by a treacherous scientist by the name of KS Elming, tapping into his evil alternative self, known as Mister E, threatening to release the Moon from Earth’s orbit.

I watched from behind the sofa as the character played by the alternative me made his first appearance in the show. I couldn’t bear it. I had to get out.

I ran out of the room, and across the road to the supermarket. When in dire need, get lemonade, I thought.

Worst mistake ever.

Being on every TV channel at the same time has its drawbacks.

The shoppers recognised me. They thought I was him.

Why did I come to the supermarket? I thought, as they tugged, photographed and requested autographs.

Somehow, I managed to escape their clutches and ran out of the shop without my lemonade. Outside the shop, I suddenly realised that I’d been transported back to my correct dimension, and I was out in the Grinds.

Back to normality.

Back to obscurity, more importantly.

Although I now have a very strong urge to watch Space:1999… hopefully without ‘me’ in it.