Walpole’s Wormhole

Continuing the epic tale started in the last post.

“Well… we’re waiting!” Commissioner Prime had grown impatient.

“Just a minute, kind sir” Walpole E. Epstein was unruffled. “I have to start at the beginning, and explain every single character I have ever come across, for my tale to make any sense.”

Before we go on, I must add that I’m not very good at writing in accents, so you have to imagine that I am. Commissioner Prime has a deep booming voice, totally and extremely ‘proper’ English, although he doesn’t use yahs and nahs any more. Walpole on the other hand, has a very broad American accent… you must think of the broadest American accent you have ever come across, and then imagine it ten times broader. Anyway, back to Walpole’s tale…

“I have mastered a wormhole, that allows me to travel anywhere in time and space. I’ve been everywhere.” Walpole was being over-dramatic by pointing in all directions as he spoke.

“I have met many fascinating characters along the way. Phyllis at the back for one… and the Bird Man for another. I’ve met many an Innkeeper, the odd Genius – well, obviously I would do that! – dozens of pairs of twins, three groups of three witches, the convict who was an escapist, the headless man and his floating skull, and the boy and the tart. Many times over.

“I’ve been to places you would never dream of, with kings and queens and priests and hermits and devils and wands and coins and…”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Commissioner Prime interrupted. The commissioner to his right had fallen asleep. “Get on with it.”

“And none of them have met the one I am speaking of now.” Walpole carried on regardless. “The one who is with the character every step of the way, but never interferes. Never judges – well, OK usually judges but has little or no influence, but always returns for more.

“The person who is part of the epic that is unfolding, at every twist and turn.

“The reader.”

Commissioner Prime opened his mouth but was speechless. For a second.

“The reader!?!” Bellowed Commissioner Prime. “Are you telling me that you have met the reader… each and every one?”

“I am, my friend. And what’s more, without the reader, there would never and could never be an epic.

“Their close friends the listener, the observer and the storyteller, are also epic characters in themselves, but the reader more so, as they lose themselves inside a collection of letters, words and paragraphs, and are transported to faraway lands, different times and distant planets. They meet the people I mentioned earlier, giving them more life and filling in the blanks around the words they read to create the world they are temporarily in.

“The reader has a far greater wormhole than the one I have as they experience the adventure without taking a single step. I have to fly through holes in walls to meet my characters, and the reader simply needs to sit back and relax.

“So, I nominate the reader to be included within the characters for an epic tale. And that includes you, by the way. You, there – yeah, you reading this blog post now! If you’ve read this far, you’ve been part of my epic journey so far. Thanks for coming along!”

Walpole didn’t wait for Commissioner Prime to say another word. He’d made his point, activated his wormhole and travelled to a dimension similar to this one, to take the next step in his own epic journey.

Will he be back?

Who knows. I don’t. I’m only the writer!

Walpole last appeared in a tale called The Road to Meringue, a random tale about some rather odd goings on. The complete tale can be found in my Storylines menu, in the Past storylines sub-section, if you have a sudden urge to read it. The urge has probably been caused due to you meeting Walpole. He’s on a mission to meet every single reader everywhere… and then make them forget all about it – Walpole can do a lot of things. Just like his wormhole.

Many thanks to Sideview, whose Weekend Theme really inspired me this week.