I’m feeling stressed, and my skin is showing it.

I’m feeling tired, and my eyes are showing it.

I’m feeling achy, and my movements are showing it.

I’m feeling rushed, and everything I do is showing it.

And because everything is showing how I’m feeling, I’m feeling ratty. Grrr. I mean squeeeeeeeak.

So…

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s something I could really see myself doing.

What would bears be without bees? Ears.

What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.

Who invented the Round Table? Sir Cumferance.

What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.

An invisible man marries a invisible woman. Their kids are nothing to look at either.

What’s black and white and noisy? A zebra with a drum kit.

What’s the most stupid animal in the jungle? The polar bear.

What was a more important invention after the telephone? The second one.

Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize.

What is brown and sticky? A stick.

Knock knock. Who’s there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked that’s why I’m knocking.

I’m knocking it off there. I trawled the internet looking for some really dreadful jokes, only to find myself being thwarted by annoying pop ups asking me to check something else out before I leave. I didn’t. I just left. I don’t need pop ups cluttering the place when I’m trying to de-stress. And breathe…

I did an image search for ‘groan’ and was presented with the image at the top of the post.

‘Gripe’ brought back:

‘Grumble’ gave me:

And ‘Harrumph’? ‘Harrumph’ gave me:

The internet’s gone mad. Mad I tell you. MAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!

Harrumph.

I’m feeling better now. It all helps!

Posted by Tom Merriman

A future writer living in the present day

17 Comments

  1. I loathe and detest those pesky pop ups!! The expression on your animals’ faces says it all, Tom. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. They are funny, aren’t they?
      And those pop ups, Sylvia, urgh!!!

      POP. Before you go would you… Nah – I wouldn’t do that! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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  2. LOLOL …. I am rolling over and holding my stomach.
    The one-liners are all funny.
    1. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
    2. Who invented the Round Table? Sir Cumferance.
    3. Knock knock. Who’s there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked that’s why I’m knocking. LOLOLOL
    The 3rd had me laughing becuse my family used to call me Doris. When I asked them why? They said because. HAH … So, much for having a say in your life. 😥 GGGRrrrr !!!! The name reminds me of an old, old aunt with warts. LOLOL
    Seriously, out of frustration you’ve created humor … humor releases stress. Thanks for the FUN post.
    Isadora 😎

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Pleased you enjoyed it, Isadora. As they say, laughter is the best medicine. I couldn’t resist writing this post when the idea struck! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Laughter is #2 on my everyday lists.
        #1 being to be at peace. I enjoyed your humorous quips very much. 😎

        Liked by 1 person

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  3. Nice word play! Great fun! This reminds me of an alphabet book we read together…me and my grand daughter…
    Each time we turn the page, it takes away the alphabet to make a new word and we go into peels of laughter when we reach ‘L’ …When we take away the ‘L’ plants wear pants… 🙂 and the illustrations are equally funny!

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    1. I like word games like this, Balroop, where we are to add a letter to the preceding word to make a new one. They pass the time nicely!

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  4. If this is a big old ratty harrumph and a grrrr how come I am still giggling? 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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    1. Hehehe. I was groaning even more at some of those jokes, Susan!

      Liked by 1 person

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  5. OK Tom! 🙂

    This has to be your funniest blog yet!!! 🙂

    Thanks for cheering me up!!! 🙂

    God Bless!

    Prenin.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. A pleasure, Prenin. This post did the same for me! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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  6. Great chuckles to begin my working week today!

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. Always good to start with a laugh, Beth! 😀

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  7. LOL! I loove Harrumph’s face 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. I know, Raili… he looks as though he’s been spotted doing something, and he’s now pretending it wasn’t him! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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