Phew!

That’s another job done.

Some things I can honestly say that I’m a dab hand at. Some things.

Most things, I have to work at. I don’t mind the working at part, it passes the time and when (when!) the job is done, well, it feels like mission accomplished.

One thing I really have to work at is putting a duvet inside a duvet cover. I do it eventually, but the task itself can be likened to destroying a vampire, in my experience. Not that I’ve destroyed many a vampire, I hasten to add, but I’ve heard they all go out in a different way. It’s the same with me and a duvet. Sometimes the cover just glides on, and the job is done. Other times, like tonight, it’s a major battle.

I either have problems finding the corners, the duvet is all bunched up in the middle, the cover ends up inside out, the duvet appears to be inside the cover looking at it from the top, but underneath it clearly isn’t. Oh, and sometimes the buttons that close up the finished duvet cover are in the wrong holes. That’s a regular occurrence around these here parts.

In fact tonight all of those occurred.

I decided to buy myself a new king-sized duvet and cover, as you do, and I should have thought of the potential issues as I bought it. Hindsight’s wonderful at times, but I pushed it to one side. I almost did the same to the duvet and cover, but decided to persevere.

After tying myself in knots a few times, I decided there was only one way this particular plan was going to come together… I had to go in. So, two duvet corners in hand, I opened the gaping mouth of the duvet cover and crawled on all fours inside the endless abyss before me. I didn’t get too far though, as I was actually crawling on the very duvet I was trying to fit. I backed out, got underneath the duvet, found the corners, found the gaping whole to the abyss again, and crawled in for a second time.

About three quarters of an hour later, I found myself at the bottom corners of the duvet cover. I was jigging about a bit to try to get the duvet above me as smooth as possible, as I was also trying to fit corner to corner, and edge to edge. I suddenly realised I no longer knew which way was up.

Here I was, in an uncharted part of space, and every way I turned I ran crawled headlong into the duvet’s edge. I decided after another hour of this – and now feeling VERY warm indeed (don’t forget I was covered in a whole king-sized duvet whilst all this was going on!) – that enough was enough. I found the two corners I initially delved in for, and then backed out again.

Finally I could breathe once again!  The cooler air brought me back to my senses, and the duvet didn’t look too bad inside the cover, all things considered. It was a bit lumpy, but that was nothing that a grand old shake out wouldn’t solve.

Task complete, I’m now wondering if I may be a tad warm when I sleep tonight. However, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. For now I’m patting myself on the back.

Yep! That’s another mission accomplished!

Posted by Tom Merriman

A future writer living in the present day

7 Comments

  1. Hilarious! I am getting a visual. Tips on duvets: turn the cover inside, lay the duvet on top of the cover, tie the corners with string or elastic bands and then turn the duvet cover right side out. This can all be accomplished much easier while the duvet and cover are either on the bed or laying on a floor. I hope that helps. Good luck next time! 🙂

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    1. Thanks, Susan! Next time, I shall try this technique. Hopefully I won’t find myself tied up… 😀

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      1. King size duvets are a challenge even to the most expert of wranglers! 🙂

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        1. Even the lesser-sized ones have had me in knots before now! It’s all fun though, when thinking back!

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  2. Eek, a man-eating duvet! Mine’s only queen-sized, so I can safely wrestle it into submission from the outside.

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    1. No chance of doing that with mine, Diane! Although I’m pretty sure mine wrestled me into submission once or twice!

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