Top Ten Tips for a wannabe superhero: 3: Presence

One of the important things about being a superhero, is maintaining the correct type of presence, in everything that you do. Sometimes, things try to get in the way of that presence, and if they do, the consequences can be devastating.

1. Attitude.
Always maintain the correct attitude for whatever job needs to be done. Sometimes, the attitude may need to be adapted slightly for the situation. For example, if you are required to help a little old lady to cross the road, you will need to adopt a more gentler attitude, and not use the same one that you would if you needed to burst through the steel reinforced walls of a bank to catch a would-be super-robber.

2. Don’t show fear.
Superheroes feel fear. Fear is natural, and is necessary to help us in situations when we need to act on impulse. Fear triggers the ‘fight or flight’ response, but being a superhero we shouldn’t use either response. We’d be no good running away from whatever we walked into, and starting a fight with whoever’s there is no good either. So, simply put: don’t show fear!

3. Don’t show embarrassment.
Things are bound to happen when you are a superhero. Especially if you are of the spandex wearing kind, but even if you wear the more normal clothing, or a cloak, or a cowl, things of an embarrassing nature can occur. Clothing can get snagged, and torn, but it is imperative that you continue with your mission until it is time that you can either repair your clothing, or change. So what if you are showing a little more thigh than you really wanted to? That super villain will use any means necessary to escape, and if he sees you are embarrassed he’ll laugh at you all the more. Also, remember point 2 when a super villain laughs at you. And point 1 for that matter.

4. Always be polite.
Never be impolite to anyone. Even the super villain who is laughing at you. Being a superhero means that you are in the public eye, even if you are one of those who skulk in the shadows at night time… you never know who is watching you. Being caught being impolite by a hidden microphone or by an undercover news crew can be devastating for the career of a superhero.

5. Avoid endorsements.
Some superheroes like to be sponsored by major international corporations, possibly to be able to afford ther secret headquarters or lavish playboy lifestyles. This in itself isn’t a bad thing, but on occasions, said major international corporations may request that the superhero’s uniform is adapted slightly, possibly to include the company’s logo or corporate colours. The wrong look can be curtains for a superhero’s career, and embarrassing as well.

6. Ego.
Keep your ego in check. You may be able to run faster than a speeding train, or lift a combine harvester over your head, look utterly fantastic in your superhero uniform (with or without corporate endorsements) and always have fantastic hair, but don’t let any of this go to your head. You’re here for other people, not to feed your own ego, and people will soon go off you when they realise you are in it just for yourself. When your ego takes over, the very people you are trying to help will really try to test your character, and your ego will become your inner super villain.

7. Mind your language.
Superheroes must never, ever swear. Not even words like “flipperty” must be uttered in the course of your duties. Superheroes are like icons, and everyone, including super villains look up to them. Can you imagine a world where everyone from the age of two to one-hundred-and-two use the word “flipperty” before everything they say? Flipping shocking is how it would be.

8. Keep trim.
A good presence needs a good physique. Always look after your body. If you find that you have gained an extra pound here or an extra inch there, either tone up or wear clothing that accentuates the better parts of your body. Keeping a trim body may stop the wardrobe malfunctions that may cause unnecessary embarrassment and needless swearing.

9. Keep control.
Keep control of yourself and of your sidekick (if you have one; if not keep control of your gadgets or pets instead). There is nothing worse than you losing it in the middle of a crowded shopping centre, possibly because a super villain has managed to escape your clutches by causing an almighty great ladder to run the length of your right leg… or your sidekick is being extremely embarrassing to the superhero cause by flirting with a passing member of the public… or your super pet is doing animal things that animals do in the middle of the carpet… or your master blaster has decided to fizzle when it should really go blast. Things can and do happen. Keep Calm and Carry On, as the old saying goes. Never has a more truer phrase been said.

10. Be prepared to drop everything.
There are times when your services will be needed when you least expect them to. Such is the job of a superhero.

With these, and other tips, you may find that your life as a superhero may become a lot easier. Maybe not to start off with, as it takes many years of practice to become really good at superheroing, especially if you don’t get your look just right to start off with, but in time your superhero name will be up there in lights along with the likes of… what’s that? An emergency? Must dash… duty calls!