Category: Super Heroes

The Superhero Diaries 1.4: All good plans?

From the diary of the Elite Force of Britain:

Those pesky supervillains are up to something again. Not only have they joined forces themselves – when working on their own they are bad enough – they have managed to get themselves a brand new, state of the art headquarters, with all kinds of equipment to help them in their quest to, well, rule the world.

One of these new-fangled pieces of equipment is an Amce Blueprint Maker. Amce is a major international company set up by ‘colleagues’ of the sinister Overthrower. Amce present themselves as a light-hearted, almost comical company, but their despicable connections are known to superheroes all around the world.

This isn’t the only company to be involved in this kind of ‘work’, but recently they have been seen as being the one that is most involved.

The Amce Blueprint Maker is unique in the fact that it can send colour faxes and emails of the blueprints it creates at the touch of a button. Unfortunately, the blueprints do not contain the plans of what the supervillains are planning.

This fax came through to the Elite Force of Britain’s fax machine with no covering note, no reply telephone number, and no indication as to what the supervillains are planning.

Two stars are featured on the plan, numbered one and two. The plan is of the fourth floor of the Sunbottle Labelling Company’s offices, which in itself is strange as there are only three floors in this building. The plan also features the board room, quite prominently, and a lift shaft is also highlighted.

Using the powers of deduction, one would assume that the supervillains are planning something that will lead them to the corner of the board room, to a safe perhaps? But when you consider there are only three floors in the building, their plans are flawed already.

Of course, they may be setting a trap, which is what supervillains very often like to do for superheroes. Not that they are predictable or anything, it is just a known fact. Why else would they fax a secret plan over to the EFB if it wasn’t a plan to get the heroes to go en masse to the Sunbottle building?

The fax came through when Muriel Magnificent was manning the phone lines, who, coincidentally (?) is the Overthrower’s biggest rival. Muriel instantly took off in response to the fax, and she has yet to call in with her regular update when on a mission.

She is now four hours overdue.

We are upgrading ourselves to an amber priority. An emergency signal has been sent out to all members of the EFB to report to headquarters as soon as possible.

We have a plan ourselves to come up with.

The Superhero Diaries 1.3: Invisible Patchwork

Invisible Charlie has the ability to ‘blend into the background’ if he needs to. He has control over some materials around him, but not every one.

Recently, he noticed a small hole in his trouser leg, and visited various tailors to see if they could help with the repair. He received only one reply by letter.

Charles T. Hemingway and Sons
Quality Tailors; Quality Cleaners

Dear Mr Invisible Charlie,

Thank you for your recent, rather unusual enquiry.

I am sorry to inform you that we have been unable to find an exact match to the material used in your trousers.

We have obtained something quite similar in colour, but unfortunately without the invisible blending ability of your garment.

We will, of course be able to repair the damage to the trousers invisibly, but when you use your abilities the patch will remain visible.

We sincerely apologise for being unable to fulfil your request at this time.

Please accept, as a token of goodwill, our offer of free dry-cleaning for any one garment when you bring three others for our Premium Dry-Cleaning Service (available Monday – Friday 8am until 12noon, ready in 48 hours.)

We appreciate your custom, and hope to be of better service for you again in the future.

Yours Sincerely,

C.T.Hemingway and Sons

The Superhero Diaries 1.2: The Psychic Recorder

Psychic Sue is the superhero for taking accurate notes. She is thorough, and also extremely useful when interviewing to fill vacancies in the superhero team. She records not only what is said, but also the thoughts of the person being interviewed, only to see if they will fit in with the team environment of course. The Elite Force of Britain have recently acquired a remarkable piece of computer equipment, which records the thoughts of the user when they are attached to the computer by a lead connected to a small helmet. This is a print-out of what was recorded when Psychic Sue used the computer for the first time.

Testing. Testing. Is this working?
Oh, it’s working.
This is cool, actually.
Mary had a little lamb its. Oh, what if I think something wrong?
Potatoes.
I need potatoes.
Why am I thinking that? Look it’s on the screen now.
This screen could do with a dust.
Oh.
Backspace. Backspace. Well, that doesn’t work.
So, whatever I think is recorded on here and can’t be deleted?
That’s not good. I’d really better be careful then.
It’s raining now. I didn’t want to record that but it’s too late.
Dum de dum.
Hehehe.
There must be a way to stop my thoughts appearing.
Where’s the manual?
Ah, got it. Index. Index. Index.
Power on… keyboard shortcuts… visual errors…
None of them.
Here it is. Useful commands.
To start recording thoughts, press the triangle button marked start. Yes, done that. Worked that out myself actually. Oh, look at the screen.
To stop recording thoughts, press the square button marked stop. You don’t say! Fancy putting that into a manual. Ooh. Ah. Just a Little Bit. No! Stop it!
Here we go.
Emphasis. To stress something really important, the user must blink twice.
Blink twice? What does blinking twice do?
AH, THAT LIGHT’S COME ON. OH, AND LOOK AT THE SCREEN. IT’S ALL IN CAPITALS.
HOW DO I TURN THAT OFF?
HERE WE GO. BLINK BLINK PAUSE BLINK BLINK.
Done. That’s better. I like that.
I wonder what blinking three times would do?
0010000101000101011000001111010111111111110000010101111111010101111110000101010101111010101111111111101010111111111110000000000000001010111111010111010000000001
Phew. Got it back.
What if I swear? XXXX
Now that’s clever.
XXXX XXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXX
Hehehe. HA HA! LOOK AT THAT!
Oops.
To print out the report the user simply looks at the printer icon on screen.
The printer icon? Where’s the printer icon? Ah. There it is.
Well, that’s rubbish. I’ll have to put a piece of paper over that. What a waste of paper!
Actually though, I’ll still be looking at the same part of the screen if a piece of paper was over it or not. I wonder.
Stay there, piece of paper.
It’s printing again. This is freaky.
OH MY GOODNESS, THE XXXXXXX PHONE HAS SCARED THE LIVING XXXX OUT OF ME.
OOPS.
This is going to give me eyestrain.
One of the others has got the phone. I can’t break away from this anyway.
Index. To place recorder into standby mode. Page eight. This may be it.
To place recorder into standby mode, the user must think the word swipe.
.
.
.
.
.
Restarts the recording.
Swipe.
.
.
.
.
.
I like that.
Hehehe. It’s like putting a phone on mute. How does it know where to put the apostrophes?
I’m going to like using this. So much quicker than writing the notes.
This helmet’s a bit clunky though. And heavy.
You’d think a psychic reader wouldn’t need to be connected to a helmet, but I suppose it must be needed to connect the user to the machine.
I’ll look a right darling at the interview tomorrow with this on.
On.
On.
ON.
HEHEHE.
They may not notice though. They may think I wear this all the time at interviews.
I wonder who’s on the list. I hope they aren’t like the last one, the stuck up little oh swipe.
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The Superhero Diaries 1.1: Reds and Greens

This is from the minutes of a meeting of a certain Elite Force of Britain, a team of heroes who banded themselves together to protect a city from a group of underhanded businessmen who wanted to own the city for themselves. The businessmen dealt with, the superheroes decided to stick together, and call upon each other in times of need, to look after more national interests.

In Attendance: The Stealth Gentleman (SG); The Green Gladiator (GG); Bettystretch246 (BS); The Crimson Songbird (CS)

Not In Attendance: Aquatom1968 (AQ); Psychic Sue (PS); Cloud (CL); Muriel Magnificent (MM); The Firetop (FT); Invisible Charlie (IC); Lycralad (LY); The Diver (DI); The Puddleton Protector (PP)

Chair and Minutes: Viridian (VI)

Subject of Discussion: Jackets

Reason for Meeting: GG, BS, MM(in absence), IC (in absence), LY (in absence) and VI have all voted against the wearing of the bright red jackets supplied by the Sunbottle Labelling Company. Although this is below half of the group it isn’t an overall majority, but as it is around 43% of the membership a discussion has been called.

Other Notes: The Stealth Gentleman remained quiet in his seat throughout the meeting

Discussion:
The main concern was actually with the colour, rather than the design.
Nobody objected to the large sun logo on the back, which looked remarkably like the Sunbottle logo.
Everyone was aware that The Stealth Gentleman wasn’t too keen on wearing the less-than stealth-like jacket, although he didn’t say so in as many words, and if he had, this meeting wouldn’t have been called, and the jackets would have been rejected. SG still remained quiet.

Red and Green should never be seen, quoted Psychic Sue in a letter she submitted to the meeting last week, although she was strangely in favour of the new jacket, strangely as she has started to wear her new red uniform recently. Firetop responded, via video-link and in his typical hot-headed fashion, that she shouldn’t really be giving fashion tips for one, and for two, she should look at the uniform that Parrot Girl wears – her red and greens go well together.

This made the attendees chuckle, partly because Firetop and Parrot Girl had had a blazing row about her uniform the previous week.

The Green Gladiator was also concerned about the clash of colours, stating something about port and starboard sides, although he too thought the red was too bright in comparison to his deep green uniform.

Bettystretch loved the colour red, and the jacket with or without the logo. Her uniform is like a rainbow of colours anyway, due to her stretching ability pulling the fibres out of place, but she objected to the ‘give’ in the jacket. It was unsuitable for her powers, and everyone agreed.

The flexibility of the jacket was also the reason for Invisible Charlie’s no-vote via email.

Everybody groaned about Lycralad’s reason for rejecting with the idea that it wasn’t tight enough. He’d submitted his reason in a text message.

Muriel Magnificent didn’t like change at all, and had worn the same uniform for the last one hundred years. She only changed her ear-rings last year after one was splintered in a battle with the Overthrower, which caused an infection and terrible swelling on the left side of her face. She moaned for months about that, and is now reluctant to change anything else. MM hasn’t actually submitted a rejection, but everyone takes this as a given.

I, Viridian, reject to the jacket solely because it is sponsorship… And the colour red doesn’t go with my green uniform either. But I gave the reason that once, when we were in the EFOB Jet flying high over the Atlantic for some reason, the heroes gathered on that mission were all wearing either red or green uniforms and they looked shocking together, gaudy colours that had a severe and painful affect on anyone who set eyes on us. Even the flight staff wouldn’t serve drinks the clash was that bad.

In favour of the jacket was the Crimson Songbird, as the red shade matched her designer uniform exquisitely.

Cloud, The Diver, Firetop and the Puddleton Protector weren’t bothered either way if we wore the jackets on missions or not. And Aquatom does his own thing anyway.

In Conclusion:
So, in conclusion, with those voicing an opinion present in this meeting, we have decided to reject the wearing of the kindly supplied (at no cost) jackets.

Meeting Adjourned

This has been an entry from The Superhero Diaries, and ties in with Sideview’s Weekend Theme, so I thought I’d mention that.

Look out for more entries from The Superhero Diaries… coming soon.

The Superhero Diaries 1: Be prepared

I’ve decided to abandon my occasional series ‘Top Ten Tips for a wannabe superhero’, thinking instead of referring to pages from the secret files (that all self-respecting superheroes should keep for, say, the time they decide to start a blog and need something to write about). Besides, I have written four posts of top ten tips in the not so distant past, so in actual fact there are forty tips for superheroing here already!

At least by referring to my secret files, and the secret files of my fellow superheroes, and the secret files of the supervillains we have come into contact with, and the computer secret files of both the secret and not so secret headquarters of the secret groups of superheroes, plus the secret diaries kept in the secret lairs of the supervillains, there are a few pages worth of information to quote from there.

Secrets will no longer be secret in the world of superheroing, although all names, and secret identities will be protected, as will locations of secret headquarters, sources of information, details of certain superpowers, salaries and advertising revenue details, sponsorship deals and TV appearances of superfolk in their civilian disguises. Secrets will be referred to in a roundabout way, however, but I will personally not be to blame nor held responsible should the actual secret be revealed to the world. This may not even be me typing, so who would know if it was moi who said it or not?

If any secret plans are revealed, or secret maps for locations of treasure (for example), these will not be genuine, and will appear for illustration purposes only.

I will, however, reveal the secret behind Ravish changing her name to the Slinky Siren. Be prepared… it isn’t what you will be expecting to read. Or maybe it will, if you provided me with that particular piece of information… (thanks, FG, by the way!)

Look out for more entries from The Superhero Diaries… coming soon.