The Elite Force of Britain: a group of superheroes who joined together to solve one town’s problems, and decided to stick together for the greater good. One of the disadvantages of being in a superhero group is that one team member’s arch nemesis becomes everyone else on the team’s arch nemesis also. That is simply a cross to bear, unfortunately. One thing that isn’t as common knowledge is that not all supervillains choose superheroes for their arch nemeses. One such supervillain was highlighted in the Internal UK Bank International’s monthly staff newsletter.

And now onto other news.

Our branch in Mid in January had a rude start to the working week when not one but two robberies took place, in front of all staff and a queue of customers. The customers’ queue actually snaked out through the door, in what was probably our busiest day of the period so far. We were so busy in fact; security had to jump on the overflow counters and process transactions, which is probably why both incidents happened. Here’s a breakdown of the morning’s events:

09:55 Cashier Number Four’s counter had to be closed due to the glass security panel suddenly melting. Luckily, the customer’s transaction had been processed, and the customer had left without noticing this incident.

10:01 Cashier Number Two’s counter closed due to the same reason.

10:09 Cashier Number Eight followed suit.

10:12 Cashier Number Six was handed a note from ‘Even Steven’ demanding £25,000.00 in used twenties.

10:15 Cashier Number Six calmly passed over a withdrawal slip to the robber so as not to alarm the nearby queuing customers. She also activated the silent alarm, which triggered the automatic door locking mechanism.

10:20 Cashier Number Six had supervisor authorisation to carry out the transaction, using the specially marked notes kept on site for such an instance.

10:22 Cashiers One, Three, Five, Seven, Nine and Ten discreetly evacuated, and security infiltrated the queuing customers as other customers, as is standard protocol.

10:25 Funds handed over to Even Steven, who stuffed them into a cloth sack in a black back pack.

10:30 Even Steven calmly walked away from the counter and came face to face with two members of security.

10:35 Security found themselves trapped in the floor as Even Steven had used his ‘evening powers’ to alter the molecular structure of the floor so they sank into it, and then altered the structure back again, trapping them.

10:40 Customers starting to become unsettled; hostess staff offered drinks to diffuse the mood.

10:40 Even Steven flung across the transaction concourse, smashing through ATM 5, which dispensed all of its five pound notes. The audit afterwards revealed this to be £8,000.00.

10:45 A woman gathers all of the fivers and stuffs them into the back pack CCTV revealed her take from Even Steven before sending him across the room.

10:45 Security secure Even Steven, now unconscious, but fail to stop the woman

10:50 Security notice the glass in the automatic doors has also been melted.

10:59 External CCTV shows the woman making her getaway in a white boxer van. A close up later revealed the woman to be Simba Katiya, International Bank Thief.

We haven’t established exactly who Simba was working for, or why she should choose to steal from our Mid branch on exactly the same day that another bank thief was in attendance. Apparently, these investigations are continuing with the EFB. At least one robber was captured, and no staff or customers were harmed. We were able to get the floor off our security members within two hours, although we lost £33,000.00 due to the marked money being stored in a different safety box that day. But, all procedures were followed, so excellent work on the whole to our Mid team.

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