Whoops! I’ve cracked the sky

I’ve really gone and done it this time.

I noticed a crack on one of the tiles in the Bathroom yesterday, so decided to fill it before it got any worse – or worse still a spider decided to move in. Now, don’t get me wrong – I like spiders, I just don’t fancy one living in the Bathroom, that’s all.

At first, I thought I could fill it with paste, just to cover it over until I could get some grout from the DIY shop to do a proper job. Ha! Have I mentioned I’m not really one for DIY? Anyway, I digress. I looked around trying to see what paste I could use to temporarily fill the crack.

In the fridge, I had some salmon paste. I was tempted to use it, as a temporary measure don’t forget, when one of my Inner Voices spoke up – in rather a loud voice I must add – that spiders like salmon paste. Where my Inner Voice got that from I have no idea, but they say intuition is there for a reason.

So instead of using salmon paste, my next idea was toothpaste. The brand of toothpaste I use is green when it comes out of the tube, but as I brush my teeth, the foam that’s created is white, so I thought I’d fill the crack in the white tile with this, temporarily. I set to work and covered the crack with the green toothpaste. It covered things nicely, only remained green. So now I had a green crack.

Pondering what to do, and not really wanting to nip out to the DIY shop, I decided to create my own paste in the Laboratory. I moved the Laboratory down to the Cellar many Moons ago, and couldn’t be bothered going all the way down there either, but as I’ve used the Bathroom as the Laboratory in the past I decided I would use it again. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

I gathered together the ingredients I could find to create my paste… I’ll not list them here, as all my concoctions use a couple of top secret ingredients that I can’t share (and they’re very hard to find anyway – so hard, in fact, I have to create them in the Laboratory as well!)

Paste created, perfectly I must add. I set to work on filling the crack with it.

Only I forgot to clear away the toothpaste before I started.

Now, I’ve mentioned that the Bathroom has some kind of link to other places before, haven’t I? It has a kind of wormhole in it – not a worm hole, as in a spider’s hole, but a wormhole as in outer space wormhole, a kind of black hole if you like. It’s been quiet for a while, and, being honest, I’d forgotten all about it anyhow. I suddenly remembered it when the whole Bathroom started to shake, as if I was experiencing a magnitude nine earthquake. The only thing that I think that could have triggered it was the combination of my paste formula and the toothpaste… perhaps there was something in one of my secret ingredients that didn’t blend well with an ingredient in the toothpaste, but I’m only guessing.

The next thing was the shocker. An immense force from the crack in the tile flung me backwards across the Bathroom, and as I crashed into the wall, a blinding – and extremely hot – burst of – I don’t know… lava? energy? whatever erupted from out of the crack, and up through the ceiling. It shot out with such force, it passed through the ceiling, not making one tiny bit of damage. Luckily. I didn’t fancy having to fix that as well.

The quaking stopped, the heat quickly cooled, and I noticed that the crack in the tile had gone. Completely sealed, as if there hadn’t been a crack there in the first place.

Pleased with myself, I dusted off my hands, and walked out of the Bathroom, across the Landing, and down the Stairs to go to the Kitchen. I looked out of the window, and noticed another crack. On the glass this time. But the closer I looked, it wasn’t on the glass, it was on the sky. It then dawned on me that somehow, I’d cracked the sky!

I dashed outside, and took a photo. I then dashed back inside to search the internet – why I thought the internet would help me with ‘ways to fix cracks in the sky’ I have no idea – but it appears the crack is visible everywhere in the world. I say everywhere, I found the photos below (I have no idea where any of them are) and have included my photo of the crack above the Grinds.

Something tells me I may be a little busy getting this little predicament sorted… if you happen to look up, and see the crack where you are, please don’t panic. I have everything under control.