It’s been somewhat of a slow start to 2016, blogging-wise, although that wasn’t exactly unexpected. And then I had the horrific glitch to contend with, which I hope is now a thing of the past.

Luckily, I had a burst (actually, more of a splat) of inspiration for a post earlier.

In the beginning, things always start off slowly… sluggishly.

Take, for example, the Lunatic I mean Learner driver I was behind at a set of traffic lights earlier this evening. I make emphasis of the word EVENING. Winter’s evening, as in DARK evening. I’ll lessen the emphasis now.

Well, the Loon erm Learner was fourth in line from the junction, making me fifth.

They were sitting there, at the traffic LIGHTS without their vehicle lights on, in the dark. I think they were in the dark as well, as they were still sitting there when the three cars in front of them had moved on through when the green light allowed them to.

They stumbled, jerked, stopped, and then crawled up to the lights at a snail’s pace. By the time they reached them, the lights had changed to red again.

Did this register? Of course not. They crawled through the RED light holding up the traffic that had since been allowed through from the other direction.

I was now first in line at the red traffic light, but that’s fine. That’s where I usually am anyway!

Again the lights changed, and it wasn’t long before I found myself at the tail end of an extremely long line of slow moving vehicles. I bet you can guess who was at the front.

Eventually, we all reached another set of traffic lights at a filter junction. The Learner vehicle was in one lane, I in another. The lights changed, and the Learner set off at a rate of knots and cut directly into the lane I was in, well, half of it anyway. They couldn’t actually get into the lane as the car in front of me was preventing them.

The driver of the car in front of me realised that the learner was an absolute buffoon, so stayed back and allowed them to fully cut in – without even a flicker of an indicator light. The learner vehicle then sped off again at another rate of knots until it reached the corner and slowed to a snail’s pace once again. Along the way it must have dawned on them that they hadn’t had their lights on, as they were on at this time.

I watched as the Learner drove their vehicle along the centre of the road, half on the correct side and half on the side of oncoming traffic… although, lucky for them, there wasn’t anything coming the other way.

I lost interest in them at that point. The learner driver was obviously being taught by someone who must have lost the driving plot years ago. Or they were asleep in the passenger seat (the instructor or possibly the driver) or at the wheel (the driver or possibly the instructor). Or they were aliens.

I usually have respect for learner drivers. I was one once. Although I was a good one, even if I do say so myself.

I don’t think that driver was actually a learner though. They were so bad, they must have been an experienced driver using an L plate (learner plate) to disguise just how bad they were.

Well, if they were a learner, they had all the makings of a modern driver anyway.

*Please note: A Dillop is my word for a discourteous road user, but the meaning is now growing arms and legs!

18 thoughts

  1. Tom are you sure you do not live near me.. 🙂 as we too were behind a learner the other day.. No Lights either although it was going dusk.. No indication between lanes and cut a driver up in front of us.. Sure it wasn’t YOU 🙂 and then proceeded to turn left at the traffic lights ignoring the red light filter.. We were the ones Hanging BACK LOL.. This learner had stick on L plates..

    Some crazy learners and some even crazier who have passed their tests.. 🙂 Greatly descriptive post Tom

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          1. LOL. well they definitely didn’t know where they were going that is for sure.. lol as they weaved from lane to lane.. 🙂 haha… How funny :-)… May be its a time warp thing Tom and there is a new threat in town.. THE L Driver Cuts Into Town 🙂

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  3. Yikes! Maybe it was a Learner driver, but it sounds as though s/he was already a professional dillop. My guess is that the driving instructor had died of a heart attack in the passenger’s seat shortly after setting out on the journey and the Learner was just winging it.

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    1. Come to think of it, both in the front had a sort of catatonic look about them, Diane… you could be onto something.
      The sad thing is, it’s oh so easy to become a professional dillop. Not (cough cough) that I EVER would…

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  4. Car drivers seem suddenly quite reasonable beings Tom! I’m the last week I have seen one cyclist of the hairy cycling legs in shorts variety go hurtling straight through a red light AND accompanying pelican crossing at full pelt to vanish into the sunrise…car drivers all stopped but hands were thrown up in disgust, eyes rolled and heads shaken…unrepeatable on here words were spoken by yours truly. …This morning,same place similar time but no red light…It was very green and it was a very busy rush hour, school run road…mad cyclist races up on pavement arrives at crossing and slams on brakes before flinging self and bike onto crossing and oncoming traffic – see above scenario for driver reactions. ..and after near pile up miss hurtled off up road on other side still on pavement…drivers are harmless by comparison! !

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    1. They’re dillops, Icewolf. Plain and simple.
      I saw one this morning riding at great speed on a footpath without lights. The fact that it was 7am and dark didn’t seem to faze him. Mind you, I still have drivers of the dillop-kind to contend with as well – it’s a double-whammy around here at the moment.

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  5. Pingback: Almost a Full Moon – Beyond the Sphere

  6. I like learning new words. I will now put ‘dillop’ in my memory bank for future use.
    It’s sad but there are so many bad drivers. I thought ‘Leaner Drivers’ could only drive during the day.
    Mmmm …. maybe, it’s different where you are. Let’s hope they don’t cause any danger to another …
    or …. drink and drive. EEeekkk …!!!! 😜

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  7. Pingback: Did YOU see the light? – Beyond the Sphere

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