Gross Post. Gross.

*Warning. The following post is unsuitable for those of a delicate disposition*

I’ve picked up a bug from somewhere, that’s for sure.

It feels like a cold; it’s probably a sinus infection from the dust of Mars or the Rings of Saturn as I was dragged through them at a rate of knots the other day as the Mansion was making a high-speed dash around the Galaxy for some reason. I was hanging on to the back door during that jaunt, I can tell you!

Well.

This morning, I woke to the most putrid of smells. The putridest. There’s been a strange smell at the back of my nose for the past few days, sometimes gross and thick and other times just a mild burning sulphur smell that merely brought water to my eyes.

But this morning… Gah! Bleugh!!! Cough. It was intensely diabolical.

I managed to haul my aching carcass out of bed, and usually when I move, the smell dissipates. This morning every millimetre of movement exacerbated the stench by what I thought to be a thousand-fold.

Through my stinging watery eyes, I could see what appeared to be small flakes scattered but in a straightish higgledy-piggledy line between the bed and the door. The flakes were an off-green colour and somewhat dusty, so I knew that I hadn’t sleepwalked last night and dragged a handful or so cornflakes from the Kitchen and back into bed with me.

I decided to investigate further.

The flakes were dry and crispy and crumbled to dust as soon as I touched them. By the door, they were also larger.

Outside the door, my suspicions began to become clearer. The flakes on the Landing were definitely larger. In fact, a couple of the flakes were fingernail sized.

They were fingernails, truth be told.

At the top of the Stairway, there was an actual fingertip.

At the bottom of the Stairs, the flakes were no longer flake-sized and were definite objects in their own right. A clump of green hair draped restfully over the third step up, and beside it, what looked like an ear with a gloopy congealed jelly substance smeared over it.

And over by the Vestibule there was a foot.

An actual FOOT. I couldn’t say whether it was a left or right one, however.

Behind me, and from the Kitchen, I heard a noise. A dish had been dropped and smashed on contact with the stone floor. And then followed a demonic devilish grunt.

I dashed into the Kitchen, and there were shards of dish all over the place, with one large piece still attached to the hand that had dropped it.

And over by the window stood the remains of my Inner Zombie.

My Inner Zombie, outside of me. He was pointing to his throat with his remaining attached hand, so I can only presume he probably has the same sore throat that I’ve had. I certainly could see from his nose the… well, I’ll just not go there and you’ll have to take my word for the fact that it wasn’t a pleasant sight.

I made him a Lemsip (other cold and flu remedies are available!) and left him in the Kitchen to his own devices.

I took my own decongestant and went back to bed for an hour.

I haven’t seen, heard or smelt my Inner Zombie since then. He’s either come back inside me somehow (well, I never felt him get out so it’s possible!), disintegrated completely, or is wandering lost somewhere around the Mansion… I’m sure I’ll find out in due course.

These Inner Beings of mine crop up from time to time. Three have come along this week already, for example. If they’re starting to cross over into my outer environment – that may be a problem –  however, I’ll deal with them as and when.

Now though, to get this nose of mine sorted once and for all… I’m still Feeling Good generally though, so that’s a bonus!