The Superhero Diaries 3.7: Many Happy Returns

The Elite Force of Britain, a team of heroes who banded themselves together to protect a city from a group of underhanded businessmen who wanted to own the city for their own despicable deeds. The businessmen dealt with, the superheroes decided to stick together, and call upon each other in times of need to look after more national interests. Recently, some of the team have been catapulted into tomorrow and have tirelessly worked to get back home. Here is how our heroes’ triumphant return was reported in a local newspaper:

Irreplaceable Clock Tower Destroyed By Bungling Super-Buffoons

Puddleton Village Green is as quaint an English village green as any other. The centre-piece of which has stood for almost two-hundred years. ‘Old Bess’, the largest of four bells, has chimed every hour on the hour since 1901, apart from a few years during and after World War Two. The Clock Tower was restored in the early 1950s, and was powered by electricity in 1975. It served as grand timekeeper for Puddleton, serving residents accurately on a daily basis, not only by its clock face, but also by its unique sundial effect, where its shadow falls upon daytime hours marked around the Green’s perimeter.

Yesterday at 3.15pm all that history, all that accurate time-keeping, and all those memories of times gone by came to a crashing and sickening end.

The afternoon wasn’t particularly bright. In fact, it was overcast. No shadows were visible from the Clock Tower. Local residents were expecting a thunderstorm, and were bracing themselves. At 3.15pm thunder rumbled directly overhead.

Only, it wasn’t thunder. Eyewitnesses report that the sky seemed to buckle in on itself, and open up in a flash of electric blue lightning. Then, out of this blue – or from beyond it – fell a large metallic sphere. Margaret Mayhire, 53, who works in the fishmongers overlooking the green described it as a large bowling ball from the skies, and its target to strike was the Clock Tower. The ground literally shook as it got its strike, she described. The clashing of metal upon metal as the ball careered into Old Bess was deafening. One of the number 4s from the clock face smashed through the golf shop window, next door to the fishmongers, with a number two landing firmly in one of the rose beds.

Another eyewitness, Glen McGlynn, 45, a visitor to Puddleton couldn’t believe what he had seen. “Not only were there numbers flying everywhere,” he explained, “but when the dust finally settled four people clambered out of the ball. They were very disorientated, stumbling, and rambling about being stuck in tomorrow. They were dressed as superheroes. I thought at first it was some kind of publicity stunt that had gone wrong, but it turns out I was wrong. And they were superheroes.”

What brought McGlynn to this conclusion was the appearance of Puddleton’s very own superhero, the Puddleton Protector. The Protector told the gathered crowd that this was a matter for the Elite Force of Britain, and that their Excessive Damage Insurance policy would pay for the repair or rebuilding of the demolished clock tower. He then helped the four, thought to be Lycralad, 24, Bettystretch246, 39, The Firetop, 27 and Invisible Charlie, 35, to a nearby ambulance.

We contacted the mayor’s office later yesterday and he confirmed that the four ‘heroes’ had been lost in time, and had finally managed to get themselves home. He was aware that local residents were dismayed by the damage caused by the EFB members, but was also aware that they were grateful that our superheroes are back home, albeit slightly injured. He stated that they were recovering well.

Editor’s Comment

Which is all well and good for them, but not for the history and secrets that were contained within the walls of this once great clock tower. Welcome home ‘heroes’. You certainly know how to make an impact.