Oops, I did it again

I’ve really gone and done it this time.

It’s a good job I have two arms though… and legs long enough to reach onto the other side of the bathr laboratory.

I’ll start at the beginning. Please ignore any typos you may cme across, the reasons for which should soon become clear.

I’ve been trying to create some ultra-stylish hair gel, as, yes, you’ve guessed it, my hair has now reached epic lengths once again and it has started to take on a life of its own.

I (eventually) got up this morning, bright as a button (on the third alarm, and hardly bright) and looked in the mirror. My hair looked like a Weeping Willow energised by the static of an electrical storm. It was all over the place, and would not be tamed. My usual hair wax held some in place, but not all. So, I decided to get my blending head on and create some heavy duty gunk.

I called upon my Inner Scientist, and together I walked into the blaboratory. I filled the large mixing bowl (= bathtub) with the core ingredients, water and Brussels sprouts. I always find that the Brussels sprouts have a kind of bonding effect on the other ingredients and elements, that usually brings about the desired results.

I added a few other elemsnts, which can’t be named here for Top Secret reasons, and got stuck in to stirring.

I may have overdone it with one or two bonding elements, as everything in the bathtub started to warp. The water became solid (but not ice) and then gas and then water again, over and over again. The wooden spoon I was using to stir disintegrated, but my trusty stainless steel one stayed in tact. Apart from the fact it’s no longer stainless, that is.

Even through all the transformations, I still, somehow, managed to stir… until I noticed that the water level was dwindling. My logical mind was telling me that it was due to the fact that some of it was evaporating each time it changed… but my eyes noticed that the plug had dissolved and the water was simply pouring down the drain.

Luckily, I have a spare plug (here’s a tip – always keep a spare plug – you never know when you’ll need to use it), so I grabbed it and tried to fill the plughole with it. Unfortunately, at that precise time (have you noticed how timing is always of the essence?) the part of the bathtub around the hole warped, and became jelly like, sinking down, and causing the water to surge down the drain… dragging my right arm with it. And, in typical fashion, as soon as my elbow reached the point where the the original plughole had been, the bathtub warped again, and it’s now back to its enamel (is it enamel?) state. With me stuck in it.

Luckily, I’m stopping the water from escaping, but, just in case, I still have hold of the plug. I hope it’s the plug anyway – there could be anything down that plughole.

Anyway, I had my wheelie chair in the bathroom – over on the other side, of course – and on it was my mobile phone. I had to stretch to within an inch of my life to reach the chair, but I managed to, and dragged it across the bathroom, and therefore reached my phone.

It’s taken me the best part of the afternnon to write this post, one handed (and one fingered!), and in all that time the vathtub only warped once. Only at the time, I was so wraped up in trying to correct a typo I’d forgotten to free myself, and the bathtub had set again by the time I realised.

I’m getting used to the cramp now, so that’s a giid thing, and the bathtub should be due to warp at anytime soon, so I’ll make sure to get myself free then.

I’ll allow the water to drain away, and nip to Sainsbury’s (other supermarkets are available!) tomorrow to buy some ready-made hunk.

Anywyas, gotta hurry now, my left legs gone numb and I need to somehow shit my weight onto my right leg. I’ll be upside down at this rate.

Hopefully, I’ll be back posting soon. And if not, I’ll use the phone to call for help, if the battery las