My Kingdom

So, like, there I was, lying in bed, waiting for the alarm to go off. I was thinking to myself it will be going off soon, I’ll have to get up and go and get myself ready for another day.

And then, in the next instant, all I could hear was trumpets blazing.

Trumpets!

Blazing.

There were six or eight of them. As if you can count them when they are being blazed all at once! Is that how you say it… being blazed? Anyway, never mind. I could hear what I thought was six or eight trumpets blazing. I couldn’t actually hear much else, as all the blazing caused my ears to start ringing, but I gradually adjusted.

And then followed the fanfare.

I opened my eyes to find myself surrounded by red velvet.

The Mansion had done it to me again.

I realised I was in what looked like a palatial bedroom. Surrounded by red velvet. Red velvet curtains hung around the bed, which was the size of a football pitch. OK, I exaggerate slightly. I could stretch out and not reach any of the other edges. And the heavy red velvet blanket forced me to lie flat on the bed.

The trumpets sounded again, and into the bedroom briskly walked four well-dressed people, all wearing red velvet, however a slightly different shade to the red of the bedroom. They also wore white frilly shirts.

“Morning my liege” said the tallest man, bowing his head. “Time to get ready. Your country awaits.”

Within seconds, the red blanket was whipped off me, and I was lifted from my lying position on the bed by the two other men, one short and slim, and the other short and podgy. The fourth person was a mere slip of a girl, and she thrust slippers onto my feet once I was sat on the edge.

“No no, girl!” the tallest man snapped, “You’ve put them on the wrong feet!”

She hadn’t. She’d brought two slippers, but both for my left foot.

“Sorry, M’lord.” She curtsied.

“It doesn’t matter…” I said.

The four gasped, and then looked at me open mouthed. I thought what have I done? When the tall man spoke again.

“Ah, my liege. You tease us with your comments.” He then started to laugh, quite uncomfortably, and I could see him egging the others to join in with him. They did, but they laughed the same way… making the noises, but glancing around each other with what looked like fear in their eyes. I joined in the ‘laughter’ with them, and they suddenly stopped, once again looking at me with the look of surprise on their faces.

“OK, then” I said aloud but I meant to say it to myself.

The short podgy man made a kind of whimpering noise, but a stern glance from the tall man caused him to stop.

“We’ll have you bathed and ready in no time, my liege.” He smiled and bowed his head again as I looked at him.

I didn’t have chance to say any more, for the two short men then lifted me off the bed and the girl wrapped a dressing gown around me. A red velvet dressing gown. I was bored of the red velvet already.

I’m sure they wanted to carry me to the bathroom, but I shooed them away. Nervous, open-mouthed glances or not, I wasn’t going to have anybody do my bathroom things for me, with me or to me. I shuffled into the bathroom, as you do with two left feet.

The bathroom was spacious. The bath was spacious, for that matter. I felt like I was going for a swim, but remembered I was meant to be getting ready for the day.

More fanfare sounded, and the tall man then burst into the bathroom, even though I’d locked the door from the inside.

“Time to get dressed, my liege!” He said, holding a white towel for me.

“Just put it on the floor, please,” I said, “I’ll see to myself, thank you!”

He backed out of the bathroom, bowing with every step he took.

Eventually, I got dried, and dressed in the clothes that were on a chaise longue in the bathroom. The chaise longue looked very familiar, in an odd way.

I walked out of the bathroom, and the fearsome foursome were stood outside the door, seemingly bowing and scraping.

The short thin man now spoke.

“My lord,” his voice trembled. I noticed the girl nodding, and mouthing what he should have been saying. She was nodding, egging him on. “As t-today is T-tuesday, it is the d-day that you n-need to declare y-your n-new l-laws…” his voice trailed off as he swallowed, and then he spoke again, firmer. “Your new laws to your kingdom.”

He handed me a scroll, and a quill. A quill!

I looked at the four people in front of me, and wondered what exactly were they seeing. It was an odd thought. I held my hands up, palms facing them, as I didn’t want any of them to faint or anything when I spoke. I nodded to make sure they were alright with me speaking before I began, and they all nodded in return. Either that, or they were bowing very quickly. Regardless, I spoke.

“I’m going to think about these new laws today,” I looked and everyone seemed fine, “so I’m going to go back into the bedroom, and think for a moment. I’ll call you if I need you.”

“No, my liege,” the tall man thrust a small hand bell into my hand, “call us with this.” He bowed.

I turned around, and walked back into the bedroom, closing the door behind me. The day hadn’t even begun, and I already wanted to lie down in a darkened room. Instead, I had to settle for a darkish red one. I climbed back onto the enormous bed, lay down, and drifted off to sleep.

When I opened my eyes a short time later, I was back in my regular bedroom, surrounded by the normal darkness. A few minutes later, my alarm went off. Luckily, nobody dashed in to get me up.