Sometimes, days are just plain sailing. Up early(ish), breakfasted, dressed, and out and on with the rest of the day, and in what seems like a flash the day is coming to an end once again.
Most days, it could be said, are generally like that.
Some days, however, are so far removed from the truth, they are, well, unbelievable.
The other day started like almost every other. I was about to set out for the day, and, as I was about to open the door, a rapping came from the other side of it.
A strong, vibrant rap⦠not a simple tap or genteel knock, but a hefty rapping of the knuckles.
As I had to open the door to go out, I had a look to see who was on the other side.
To my surprise, it was a complete stranger. A tall man, possibly aged between thirty and sixty (Iβm not very good with ages). And he was wearing a huge hat. Huge!
Before I could utter a word, he spoke.
βHowdy! Iβm Walpole E. Epstein. E with a period. Iβm from Ayfumuss. Hereβs my card.β And he thrust a business card into my hand β I almost dropped my door key receiving the card from him.
On the card were the initials A.I.F.M.S, Walpoleβs name (with the period) and a number that was clearly an American telephone number.
βHiβ Walpole smiled, and I cautiously smiled back. βIβm here because I need your help.β
Walpole had a very βstrongβ American accent. Iβm not sure where it was actually from, but I remembered thinking that if anyone had the same accent as him, they too would think he had a strong accentβ¦ it was very pronounced.
(Iβm not very good at writing in accents, so youβll have to take my word for it).
βActually,β Walpole continued, βI can help you as well, Tom.β
I nearly fell through the floor. A complete stranger knowing me wasnβt something I was expecting first thing in the morning.
βI know you wanna know moreβ¦β Walpole looked as though he knew something but was hiding it, βBut all in good time. First, a bit about liβl olβ me.β I looked at my wrist and realised that I didnβt own a watch. I sighed inwardly. βIβm not actually hereβ he said, subdued.
I thought about closing the door and going back into the Mansion and ignoring him, but I would have had to walk passed him eventually as I had the feeling that he wasnβt going anywhere, so I looked interested instead.
βYouβre not here?β I asked, pointedly looking at him β and the business card in my hand.
βOh, Iβm here now alright,β Walpole laughed boisterously, βOnly not in body.β He put his hand through one of the stones in the wall around the door.
I was taken aback (and slightly puzzled as to how he rapped on the door so loudly if he could go through things). However, he knew what I was thinking. Typical.
βYour housemate, Dot, was speaking to me the other day and told me the best time to catch you, which is why Iβm here now.β
Dot is my friendly ghost who appears every now and then to play with my electrical equipment. She hasnβt appeared to me for a while, so why would she speak to a random stranger?
βDot hasnβt told me all about youβ¦β Walpole laughed again. βNo, Iβve gotten the information I need from your blog, and the blogs you visit.β
Obviously, he had done his homework very well, but unfortunately, not well enough. I had to correct him after almost every blog he quoted incorrectly.
βTo prove I know all about you, I know that you visit the Incidental Catchie Mamaβ¦β
βAccidental Cootchie Mamaβ, I corrected.
βKate Wednesdayβ
βShrewsdayβ
βLone Adventuresβ
βLameβ
βExcuse me? Ah, never mind. Susan Shuden Nudenβ
βSusan Sheldon Nolenβ
βSue Sleepwalkerβ
βDreamwalkerβ
I was starting to get a little tired of correcting him, but still he went on. (And I must apologise to my fellow bloggers who have been so incorrectly named here. Links to all of their blogs are available throughout this site)
βThe Hot European Wolfβ
βEuropa. And Ice Wolfβ
βThe Laughing Dormouseβ
βHousewife!β
βAnd all of the other pirates, artists, poets, astrologers, writers, thinkers, dreamers, cooks and storytellers. I could go onβ¦ fascinating, the lot of themβ¦β
βYes, I knowβ I said, βbut what does that have to do with me?β
βWell, nothing really.β Walpole was starting to open a briefcase that I had just realised he was holding. I sighed.
βNothing,β he went on, βapart from the fact that your mansion may help me to get from this strange zone that Iβm trapped in, and back home. Iβve been stuck here for six months now, and desperately need to get back.β
So, he needed help from the Mansion. I know this Mansion is a magical place, but Iβm not sure about dragging someone from another dimension.
Walpole had retrieved a handheld computer and was holding it in his left hand. In his right hand was a microphone, and as soon as he switched the computer on it started to squeak and squawk like nobodyβs business. In the next instant, he barged passed me and ran up the stairway to the landing. He was heading for the bathroom.
The computer was screeching wildly by the time Iβd caught up with him.
βThis roomβ Walpole was very excited, βIs the hub. The central gateway between the many realms. It is my way to freedom.β
A wind suddenly blew by, into the bathroom, and in the centre something appeared. A swirling black and purple mass or something. I knew instantly that it was a black hole.
Walpole E. Epstein had opened a black hole in my bathroom. And it started to draw things into it.
Well, I can now see that these events are going to exceed what should fit into a blog post, especially on this blog, so I think this would be a good place for those immortal words βTo Be Continuedβ¦β to appear…
I really do wonder what could happen nextβ¦
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