Look, it wasn’t my fault.
I’d gone into the Bathroom to perform a little spell to try to get rid of all of the Seasonal Spirits I’d somehow managed to unleash in an earlier post. I’d gathered all of the required items, elements and other whatnots and set about casting the spell.
For those who are unaware, the Bathroom has a rather mystical quality, shall we say. A convergence of Ley Lines, a trans-dimensional portal, a strong magnetic field and an ethereal feel add to its mysticism. It’s an ideal room for casting spells and carrying out scientific experiments, many of which I have carried out in the past without too much of an incident. Ahem.
Why would I think this should be any different?
I placed the required twelve red candles in a circle, and stood at the most northerly point I could. I read the incantation scroll word for word, and then left the Bathroom to allow the elements to do their thing. The scroll said twenty minutes and then I had to switch off the candles.
Yes, I know that sounds odd, but at the time, to me, it didn’t.
After being out of the Bathroom for about five minutes, I heard a peculiar ‘sucking’ sound coming from there, and then a dull backwards-sounding thump. Actually, it was more like a thhhhhhhhupppp.
I returned to the Bathroom, opened the door, and this is what I saw:
The whole Bathroom had gone, replaced by the entire Universe.
“That shouldn’t have happened” I thought to myself, and opened the scroll to see if it mentioned any odd side effects.
Now, let me explain that the writing on the scroll is very elaborate and fancy, with all sorts of swirls, squiggles and lines coming off each and every letter. It was easy to misread RED for LED. I only noticed this after the event, but obviously by then it was too late. I read the terms and conditions that were on a second scroll in the spell kit, and they advised that some of the elements used in the spell become very volatile when subjected to a naked flame, hence the reason for artificial LED candles needing to be used. Oops.
The terms and conditions went on to say that other elements were included to prevent any adverse reactions, although at certain times of the year these other elements become considerably inactive. It listed October around the time of the Full Moon as one of these times. Oops again. Maybe I should have read the terms and conditions before starting.
It also stated that if an implosion occurs, which I would presume has happened in the Bathroom, instead of eradication, the effect would be multiplication… so I seem to have managed to increase the number of free Seasonal Spirits. The scroll says the increase in number is based on the time of day, multiplied by ten. I cast the spell at 10pm, so 10X10=100, so I’ve multiplied the Seasonal Spirits by a hundred. I’m hoping that’s the case, and the spell doesn’t use the 24 hour clock, in which case the multiplication of the Seasonal Spirits would have been by 220.
I’m trying to get through to the spell helpline, but all lines are engaged at the moment. I shall keep trying. There is a way to reverse the spell, so worry you not… it’s just that I left that part of the scroll in the Bathroom and it’s now floating around the Universe somewhere.