Look, it wasn’t my fault.

I’d gone into the Bathroom to perform a little spell to try to get rid of all of the Seasonal Spirits I’d somehow managed to unleash in an earlier post. I’d gathered all of the required items, elements and other whatnots and set about casting the spell.

For those who are unaware, the Bathroom has a rather mystical quality, shall we say. A convergence of Ley Lines, a trans-dimensional portal, a strong magnetic field and an ethereal feel add to its mysticism. It’s an ideal room for casting spells and carrying out scientific experiments, many of which I have carried out in the past without too much of an incident. Ahem.

Why would I think this should be any different?

I placed the required twelve red candles in a circle, and stood at the most northerly point I could. I read the incantation scroll word for word, and then left the Bathroom to allow the elements to do their thing. The scroll said twenty minutes and then I had to switch off the candles.

Yes, I know that sounds odd, but at the time, to me, it didn’t.

After being out of the Bathroom for about five minutes, I heard a peculiar ‘sucking’ sound coming from there, and then a dull backwards-sounding thump. Actually, it was more like a thhhhhhhhupppp.

I returned to the Bathroom, opened the door, and this is what I saw:

The whole Bathroom had gone, replaced by the entire Universe.

“That shouldn’t have happened” I thought to myself, and opened the scroll to see if it mentioned any odd side effects.

Now, let me explain that the writing on the scroll is very elaborate and fancy, with all sorts of swirls, squiggles and lines coming off each and every letter. It was easy to misread RED for LED. I only noticed this after the event, but obviously by then it was too late. I read the terms and conditions that were on a second scroll in the spell kit, and they advised that some of the elements used in the spell become very volatile when subjected to a naked flame, hence the reason for artificial LED candles needing to be used. Oops.

The terms and conditions went on to say that other elements were included to prevent any adverse reactions, although at certain times of the year these other elements become considerably inactive. It listed October around the time of the Full Moon as one of these times. Oops again. Maybe I should have read the terms and conditions before starting.

It also stated that if an implosion occurs, which I would presume has happened in the Bathroom, instead of eradication, the effect would be multiplication… so I seem to have managed to increase the number of free Seasonal Spirits. The scroll says the increase in number is based on the time of day, multiplied by ten. I cast the spell at 10pm, so 10X10=100, so I’ve multiplied the Seasonal Spirits by a hundred. I’m hoping that’s the case, and the spell doesn’t use the 24 hour clock, in which case the multiplication of the Seasonal Spirits would have been by 220.

I’m trying to get through to the spell helpline, but all lines are engaged at the moment. I shall keep trying. There is a way to reverse the spell, so worry you not… it’s just that I left that part of the scroll in the Bathroom and it’s now floating around the Universe somewhere.


  1. Oh dear, men are so hopeless at reading instructions! Did they not tell you in Wizard School 101 that is the very first thing you must do ?! Now we have all these loose Spirits floating around god knows where creating stuff and it’s Halloween… I bet that’s the reason the spell helpline is overloaded….

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve never really been that good with instructions, Raili… I once got into a right pickle with a laminator as I just fed the plastic cover through without placing it inside the folder, as I thought the folder was just the instructions. Should learn, really.
      The spell helpline is STILL busy, by the way… I think you could be right!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ahahahahahaha! The Bathroom!!! I loved this piece!! Made me laugh.
    Now if only IMPORTANT facts are spelled out up front instead of the Terms & Conditions section, many a mishaps would not have happened. That is my firm believe!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh no….Not again….If I see the scroll pass by before dark I’ll grab it and give you a shout. Did we perhaps get in a wee bit over our head TL? The universe outside the bathroom door? Really? I do hope you manage to get everything under control….Good luck and God speed 🙂 Ground control to major Tom…Come in please… VK

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I don’t know about Major Tom, VK, more like Major Disaster! The Universe is inside the Bathroom, by the way – luckily, everything outside of the Bathroom is OK… until you realise that we’re IN the Universe, and therefore both inside and outside of the Bathroom at the same time. My head hurts. Do let me know if you see the scroll – the helpline is still busy… until then, however, carry on as normal! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Better get a lock on that door TL . Best not lose our universe! I hope the helpline calls back and all will be well soon. Have a cup of tea and relax. Just one favor I have if you don’t mind? Can we try to get the universe back where it belongs before our election.? Thanks….VK 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m still trying to get through to the helpline, VK. The Universe is OK in the Bathroom, it isn’t spilling out or anything, so that’s fine. There are the odd spurts of chaos popping up here and there, but according to sources they are no more severe than usual. Yes, the election is early November isn’t it? If I can’t get through to the helpline by then, I’ll walk round to them. Have no fear… I’m on the case! 😉


  4. Tom,
    Once the ‘problem’ has been put right …. go and sit on the naughty step until you know exactly why you’re sitting there. (and keep your hands on your knees where we can all see them please!)

    tsk tsk. Whoever gave him that childrens book of spells for his birthday should be HEXED!
    ~ Cobs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. But but but, Cobs, it was the scroll not being very clear, nothing whatsoever to do with me… that said, I have sat on the naughty step many times trying to get through to the helpline. I’m still trying.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Ohhhh now I get it! You’ve unleashed a whole universe of Seasonal Spirits on us, all freshly showered and sweet smelling after scrubbing up in your bathroom 😉 Everything makes sense now! It’s perfectly fine to accomodate the whole of the universe in your bathroom but it’s going to look a little strange by the time it goes back into the cosmos….all that hair gel stuck all over it in little seasonal globules…and what exactly is my trustyish laptop doing paddling around in that seasonally sinister looking spiral arm of the universe? lol…I think your spells are getting a little out of hand and you need taking in hand young man!Btw…did the universe shut the door behind it when it came in? Those solar winds are really bad for the hair you know! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The Universe just appeared there, Icewolf. All by itself, no warning, and replaced the Bathroom! Can you believe it???
      Goodness knows what those barrels of hair gel have done to the Universe… mind you, they didn’t help my hair so they may have little effect. As for the spells, well, a good workman shouldn’t blame his tools, but this was the cause of the scroll! Fancy lettering. Peh! And as for those winds… well… I can’t say any more…


      1. No I wouldn’t say anymore about the wind….lol…terrrible smell!!!! Disgusting!!!! Yes…it’s quite amazing how the Universe just appeared all by itself 😉 Very naughty of it to replace the bathroom like that! As to your hair gel barrels…less said about that the better! I got a little glimpse of what happened to the Universe as a result…not pretty!!! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

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