I like writing on here. I like the anonymity of it all. I can write about whatever I think and feel, likes and dislikes, waffle on about any old rubbish or try to write about sensible stuff. I can go from making no sense at all to making some sense about something. I can lose myself in my ideas, and put pen to paper (well, fingertips to keyboard!). I can go with the flow and see what happens, or I can think long and hard about something important I want share. I can write about my innermost secrets, share my innermost thoughts, reveal my innermost fears and describe my past endeavors. I can record my dreams. I can describe who I am without saying who I am.
Aquatom1968 is my public identity on this blog. My real identity is my secret identity. I think I have the two separate enough so if someone who knows the real me were to read my posts in this blog they wouldn’t recognise me, even though I have described some events in the past where they were present. Luckily I don’t want fame. I wouldn’t mind the fortune, but hiding behind my on-line character is as close to fame as I currently feel comfortable with. Not that Aquatom1968 is that famous either!
I did a Google search for Aquatom recently thinking I wouldn’t find anything – I was surprised. There’s loads of results… I thought I was being unique with my choice of name. That just goes to show how important it is to do research first. Luckily, again, I didn’t see any Aquatom1968s, so in that respect I’m unique! Phew!
Within my posts, I’ve dotted here and there a few clues about the real me, but the whole point of the blog was to be able to get my feelings down somewhere to learn more about me, so writing this blog has given me the opportunity to see me through another person’s eyes – or rather another persona’s eyes…
Sometimes I write as though I’m observing… sometimes I write as though I’m participating… sometimes I write as though I’m in an entirely different dimension… and sometimes I write from my imagination. All different ways to explore the real me, but written under my cunning disguise of Aquatom1968.
I write more about what I feel is important to me, so at times may repeat myself. At times I may contradict myself. At times I may look like a complete buffoon. And at times I may write something that might help someone else.
I don’t want to tell anyone what to do with their lives as I don’t really know what I want to do with mine. I write about feeling good all of the time as I feel it is important to feel good. By writing about feeling good, and the things that make me feel good, it comes full circle back to me, and it helps me to feel good again. A kind of recycled feel good feeling. Well, you can never feel too much good, can you? I write about certain aspects of my personality because I feel more comfortable about them. I’m sure in time, I’ll feel more comfortable about other aspects of my personality and be able to write about them too. There’s plenty of time for that though. There’s no point rushing anything.
Whenever I write a post in my blog, I take a copy of it and add it to a Word document I have created, so I can look for something if needed at a later date. I looked at this document last night, after adding yesterday’s post, and was surprised by the word count at the bottom. I have written more that 99,995 words (that was the figure yesterday – it will be more today!) and the document is now 100 pages long. One hundred pages! All about me. Blimey. I didn’t know I had that much in me! At school I remember thinking a one thousand word essay was a long one. Today that looks like nothing.
So, back to my secret identity. Who knows if anyone will work out my secret in the near future? How will I handle it if or when they find out? Should I have another back up identity ready just in case, or should I say “Well done, you’ve found the real me!”? I wonder if I’ll find the real me? Will I reveal snippets about any other secrets I may have?
I don’t know how Super Heroes cope with their secret identities. They are in the public eye with only the flimsiest of disguises to help to protect their secret. I have the words, the screen, and cyberspace to protect me when I’m online, and my mild mannered bumbling personality to protect me in my ‘real’ world. I somehow don’t see these two worlds colliding.
So, citizens of the world…
Stay good to yourself, and stay safe! Aquatom1968
Well, I quote other people from time to time, so why not? 😉