Beyond the Sphere

Introduction to the Piscean Effect ©

Some of the things that have happened to me are really embarrassing, but they have happened, which is why I’m talking about them. An old friend of mine, who I’ve not seen for ages, said that I am always putting myself down, and seeing myself in a bad light, and maybe at the time I was. Because of the perceptions I have brought with me from what I think has happened to me at school, putting myself down would have stopped other people doing it for me, and if they did, well, I was already down there anyway, and it didn’t matter. I think I was thinking they would take pity on me and not even bother.

I got to a stage whereby if I went out at night, for a drink, I would go to a bar hoping that nobody would be in there, and if they were there, they would leave me alone. I was always friendly to those who spoke to me (well, to those I wanted to be friendly to) but over time, that what I was wanting became my reality. I would be on my own. On the very busy nights, people would leave me on my own, unless they were in the same area as me, and had to be friendly. Yes, some of the regulars would come and go, we’d have a talk and a laugh, but I always liked being in my own space.

I wouldn’t say I deliberately pushed people away, but I did put a barrier around me to make it quite difficult for them to get in. That barrier is still around me today.

I have met some really nice people over the years, and came across others who are nowhere near as pleasant. What I have noticed, is the really nice people are open, chatty, and don’t have any barriers around them that I can see, and the ‘not so nice’ people bring an ‘aura’ of distance around them, kind of ‘don’t mess with me’ kind of thing. I could spot this a mile off, probably because of my own barrier, and probably because I could ‘see’ what they may be capable of. I tended – and tend – to leave this type of person alone. Maybe, they are just like me, and want to be on their own too, but I don’t get involved in criminal activity or threatening behaviour to have my own space. Now, that’s me being judgmental.

So, in the same paragraph I have made myself similar, and also distanced myself from the ‘not very nice’ people. That is because I do not class myself as one of those people, I actually think I’m a nice person. I do have one problem though – letting my barrier down. I must come across as aloof or not very nice to others because of my barrier. See, there I go again, putting myself down. I do let people through my barrier, once we have ‘connected’, but it is getting connected where the problem is.

I want to be by myself, but be friendly and allow people in, but only when I want to let them. I welcome people who I know, and look forward to getting to know new people, but if these new people don’t connect then they are not through the barrier. So I end up being by myself. This is OK, because I wanted it. When a new person does connect, and they are through my barrier, then this is great too. They now become a friend, someone I know. Some people connect instantly, some people connect over time, and others connect, but in some kind of ‘off centre’ way. These people I find I am usually at cross purposes with, so if ever we are talking, we will inevitably find that we are having one conversation about two completely separate things, and not realise it until late into the conversation. Or we’ll interpret something the wrong way. One of my friends, and she was a friend, was in this category. We are both Piscean, so we put this down to what we called the ‘Piscean Effect ©’, two fishes swimming in opposite directions. Because we both understood this effect, we had some laughs at the conversations we had! It is not the same with other Pisceans, though, and I don’t know the astrological sign of everyone I’ve been at cross-purposes with, but it is funny when it happens.

Maybe the Piscean Effect is why so many arguments break out? People not realising they aren’t actually correctly in the flow with the conversation. I’ll have to look into this further, and will publish my findings somewhere!

I’m also going to practise letting my barrier down. Only in ‘safe’ situations to start off with, and gradually increase the time as time goes on. I can have the life of my choosing, and proof of that is contained in this post. I make my own reality, and as much as I like it at present, I can make it even better.

Hang on World… I’m waking up! 🙂

The Waiting Game

Just a quickie today – and a list! Following on from yesterday’s post about waiting at red traffic lights, I have found myself thinking about other situations in which we need to wait. So, here follows my list of situations to think about feeling good, or to concentrate on the breath as it fills (and leaves) our bodies, or to while away the time doing something more useful, other than just idly waiting:

In no particular order:

  • Waiting to cross the road – remember to keep your attention on the road – safety first!
  • Waiting for your favourite TV programme to start
  • Waiting for your favourite TV programme to return from the commercial break
  • Waiting to go on to the toilet (no further comments necessary)
  • Waiting for an egg to boil
  • Waiting for a home-delivery meal to arrive
  • Waiting for the home-delivery meal to cool a bit so you can devour it!
  • Waiting for the rain to stop
  • Waiting for the bath to fill with water
  • Waiting to see the dentist / doctor etc
  • Waiting to drift off to sleep
  • Waiting for the postman to pop the mail through the door
  • Waiting for the person you are calling to answer the telephone
  • Waiting for the person you are visiting to open the door
  • Waiting for the current track to finish so you can hear your favourite track
  • Waiting for your download to complete
  • Waiting for your print-out to stop printing
  • Waiting in the queue at the check-out
  • Waiting for your computer to switch on
  • Waiting for your computer to switch off
  • Waiting to hear the thunder after the lightning
  • Waiting to be called to departures for your holiday
  • Waiting for the ducklings to cross the road so you can drive forward
  • Waiting for an idea to pop into your head
  • Waiting for the next lottery number to be drawn
  • Waiting in your car to pick someone up
  • Waiting for a break in the conversation so you can add your bit
  • Waiting to pass the slow person in front of you
  • Waiting for the next news story
  • Waiting for the movie to begin at the cinema
  • Waiting for your turn to be served by the ice cream man on a hot summer’s day

I make that thirty one times, and I’m sure there are many other instances, when we have to wait for something.

Imagine, putting all of these ‘spare moments’ to good use (concentrating on how good I feel, noticing how healthy I am, thinking of how I can have, be or do anything I really want, knowing I am remarkable, being grateful for everything I have etc.) Imagine, just by using this time to our advantage, just how great we can really be.

Waiting’s not too bad put that way, is it?

Traffic Lights

I spend so much time waiting at red traffic lights, I thought I’d make a blog about them! No, it isn’t a moan about how often the lights are on red as I reach them and wait (for what seems like twenty minutes) for them to change. Nor is it a complaint as to the number of times that the lights are green on my approach to them, but they change to red just as I get to them (and then stay red for what seems like twenty minutes). I don’t even have any bad words to say about the traffic lights that are out of order on major crossroads that really need them, and cause traffic chaos because nobody seems to know what to do when the traffic lights are out of order (and seem to be out of order for what seems like twenty weeks).  And I won’t mention part time traffic lights, that seem to only be in operation when the traffic is quiet. When the roads are busy, the part time traffic lights are not in use. Well, not in use until you expect them not to be in use, when you find that they really are, and have just added to the fact that the sheer volume of traffic wasn’t the reason you have been queuing for twenty minutes – the part time lights have joined their full time colleagues and keep everyone waiting for that length of time.

No, this isn’t to moan… I wouldn’t dream of moaning. You bring about what you think about, remember? I must always be thinking of red traffic lights…

Actually though, red traffic lights are not such a bad thing. For one, they cause us to slow down. Well, to stop, actually, to pause. To rest. When they go green, then we are off again until the next red light.

I keep wondering if there is anything that I can be doing while I am waiting – and not just at traffic lights – that will benefit me in the long term, and keep me calm.

There is one thing that I do all of the time and not notice I’m doing it. That’s breathing. Just concentrating on my breathing, and taking in deep breaths helps me to feel alive. Breathing also helps to centre me, so if my mind is racing away over something I saw, or something I have to do, my breathing brings me back to myself. Going back to being in the car again, I can’t do anything while I am at those lights apart from wait, so my breathing will stop me from stressing myself out! I don’t mean to gloat, but I enjoy it when I am calmly waiting at the red light, while the person in the car next me is revving their engine and moving backwards and forwards in anticipation that the lights will change to green that second. Which, as we all know isn’t the case – they take twenty minutes to change.

So, if you see someone calmly waiting at a red traffic light, breathing deeply, it’s probably me. I’ll also be giving thanks for those special seconds of me time that I’m getting there. I may look like I’m going to go from nought to sixty as soon as the lights go to green, when you’re waiting in the car next to me, but I’m testing you to see how wound up you are. As soon as the lights change, if you’re not off like a coiled spring I will know that you too (whether you know it or not) are also grateful for your twenty minutes of ‘me time’ a day.

They say patience is a virtue. Be patient at a red traffic light.

Spells work!

A few years ago, I was fed up in my third job. I’d been there for a few years, and, due to the nature of the business, the company went through a radical change. Well, it wasn’t really that radical as they had a major change round every six months or so, but this change really affected the department I worked in. The department was no longer needed within the new structure of the company. ‘Professional’ positions were being introduced, and these positions were there to replace the job we were doing. Naturally, we had to apply for these positions, and go to an assessment.

I’m not the best in interviews. They bring out the shyness in me, and I feel I come across as a blundering idiot. I’m sure I don’t, but I could perform better than I do. Eventually, the assessment came and went, and I was told afterwards that I couldn’t do the job. Needless to say I wasn’t happy, and went out after work to ‘celebrate’.

A few weeks later, the changes had been brought in, and I was having to read up on the procedures for the job that I had to move back into (that I had done for several years before eventually working in the department that had just been closed down. It’s a very long story, and the details will probably be filled in, in future blogs.) I was due to be re-trained.

Around the same time of this upheaval at work, but several weeks earlier, I’d attended the Mind, Body and Spirit exhibition at the G-Mex complex in Manchester. While I was there, I’d stumbled upon a stall that sold spells in boxes. One of the spells was a new job spell which I’d bought. I was advised that this particular spell was extremely potent, but would work even better if I also bought the successful interview spell as well. Thinking about interviews made me shudder, so I decided that I would just buy the one spell. And after mooching around the exhibition or a few more hours, I went home and put my spell to one side.

Now, back to the time of me being fed up at work. (I do sound as though I’m moaning quite a lot, don’t I? It’s just to emphasise things, I’ll admit it!) On the Thursday night, I’d decided enough was enough. I got home, opened the box and read the instructions for the spell. Inside the box were four bees wax candles, a bottle of patchouli oil, and a scroll with an incantation written on it. I had to anoint the candles with the oil, then light the candles in a particular order, and then recite the incantation out loud. Then I had to watch the candles burn down. Once the candles had gone out, I went to bed. (I specifically remember casting the spell on a Thursday night, but not the date. I also know the Moon has an effect on spells, but again I do not know if the Moon was a full one or a new one, or any phase in between. This may be an important factor…)

Not long after that, I don’t remember if it was the following day, but it was very soon afterwards, me and two other colleagues from the closed-down department were taken to one side and asked if we would be prepared to be co-ordinators for the ‘professional’ teams, as they had missed something of vital importance and cost the company a multi-million pound contract. I instantly said ‘yes!’ and then stayed in that role for a few more years until being made redundant in another major restructure.

To some, this may just be coincidence. To me, I know it was much more than that. The power of threefold return came to light in the fact that three of us were offered the job (the other two accepted as well) and I didn’t have to have an interview or assessment for this position as I was hand-picked. I was over the moon at getting this job, and, if I must be honest, was also quietly pleased at the company losing the contract that altered the direction somewhat. Well, the radical changes affect a lot of people’s lives and if a lesson can be learned from a situation such as that, then so be it!

I mentioned that I was made redundant a few years later, but by then I was ready to go. The team of administrators, as we’d become, were constantly being kept out of the loop of things, restricted when we needed help, and blamed when things weren’t dealt with as quickly as they could have been. Besides all that, the time was right, and it meant that I had a fabulous 13 month break from working. Like I have said previously, I am very happy when I’m not at work! There’s a little twist to this tale, which I will save for a future blog.

I quite like this jumping between different times in my life, I feel like I’m in my own little time machine!

Until next time…!

Spelbound Win!

Wow! What a final! Gymnasts Spelbound have been selected as the winners of this year’s Britain’s Got Talent.

The show was, in my opinion, really good, and every act performed fantastically.

I did feel sorry for Janey Culter, who was out of time slightly at the beginning of her performance, but by the end she was back on form with her great voice. Runners up, Twist and Pulse danced well. I wouldn’t know where to even begin dancing like they do by myself, let alone fit the moves around someone else! Brilliant. Kieran Gaffney the drummer was equally good – I thought this performance was his best that I’ve seen in the shows. Tobias Mead’s Twilight routine was fabulous – back to his backwards style dancing. It just looks so easy and impressive – although, again, I couldn’t do it. Well, if I tried I could – but badly! Chandi the dog danced well again, as I thought she would – she does look as though she enjoys herself. Unfortunately, she didn’t get to the last three – I wonder if we will get to know how the public voted for the acts.

Back to Spelbound. The performance of the night in my opinion.  You can tell that the gymnasts have worked really hard at what they were doing – and they had to perform again after they had been proclaimed the winners, providing a second performance as good as the first. Very worthy winners indeed.

Like I said before, every act was good – I’m a little short on time to write about all of them, but maybe I can add something about those I haven’t mentioned in this post in a future one. I do like to flit back and forth!

A few photos I have gathered from the web of some of the acts from this year’s show. Well done ITV!