January 4th 2018.
New Yearโs Day.
Yes. Iโm starting again.
Yesterday, I found myself slipping back into my old ways, the ways I want rid ofโฆ the ways I want improvement in. Iโve written off yesterday. It didnโt happen. Monday and Tuesday were fine, so they can stay, but my New Year begins again today.
I channelled my Inner Mrs Blotts yesterday and gave myself a Stern telling off. Not just a stern oneโฆ no โ a Stern one. I was very stern.
(Mrs Blotts, by the way, was my Technical Drawing โteacherโ at school. She was one of the teachers who bullied me back then and left a lasting impression on meโฆ only not the type a teacher should really leave. To put it mildly, she was hideous.)
(Mrs Blotts may have warmed to me by the time Iโd left school, my Inner Conciliatory Adviser is whispering to me, but I could also just be imagining that to smooth things over. Mrs Blotts made me create the same design two times over after Iโd been allocated to her class for a second time, although she marked me with an A+ the first time I did it. A waste of time the second round of โlessonsโ were. I knew it. And so did Mrs Blotts. When I questioned why Iโd been allocated the same course again, she merely snarled โGet.On.With.Itโ. So I did. Without listening. There are only so many ways you can draw a V over a W.)
After I let myself down yesterday, I took myself to one side, and in my finest Mrs Blottsโ voice I said, โYou.Idiot.Start.Again.โ Whilst pointedly pointing an imaginary finger at myself in an over exaggerated fashion. I was livid. Three days into the new year, and I was living as I had before. This is a new paradigm. A new way of thinking. Time for change and all that โ but with me it was business as usual with the same old same olโ.
โNo.Internet.For.You.โ I/she(it) scolded. โThat.Means.No.Blogging.โ
(I know how to punish myself, I do.)
โOKโ I thought, โIโll just blog about it the next day. It doesnโt matter.โ
Forgive and forget, they say.
Iโve forgiven myself for yesterday now, and everything is rosy and back to normal. New starts do that. Blank canvases do that also. I havenโt forgiven Mrs Blotts, however. No way. Bullies have no place in society and need reminding every now and then just how their actions can have a lasting affect on those who they targeted. Even if the bully โturns over a new leafโ. Even if the bully befriends their victim, and they eventually become the best of friends, they were cruel in their actions at the time and that needs to remain on their consciences. I donโt care how they feel about that. They did it. Live.With.It.
Ah.
New Years.
Blank Canvases.
Hehehe.
That brings me to my point of this rather pointless whiney post. I have a blank canvas.
Wellโฆ itโs blank for now. That can only mean one thing โ yes! Iโm feeling that ol’ paintinโ pull. I shall be focussing all of those negative memories from yesteryear and painting them out once and for all. Iโm going to create some abstract pieces. Negativity morphed into powerful and positive images that probably wonโt make much sense (pretty much like the majority of my blog posts, thinking about it!) but a way to release those bottled up feelings and move on.
Itโs time to leave some of the past behindโฆ although that might mean I may have to channel a few more of those bozos through my blog posts to get things started.
Ah well. Iโll keep things positive. Itโs the best way to be.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Letโs Feel Good during 2018.
This is my blank canvasโฆ itโs only small but EXTREMELY powerfulโฆ
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