▲○±Ð⌂ ƒØ § ∟µ ® II

It’s taken over six months, but the biggest and the best ▲○±Ð⌂ ƒØ § ∟µ ® franchise of all time is now open for business.

Visitors from Earth are queuing to leave the planet to experience the best, most relaxing, and most scenic wait in a fast food queue ever. Not that ▲○±Ð⌂ ƒØ § ∟µ ® serves fast food. None of that junk here; just pure quality.

And that pure quality is now available on 2002VE68.

2002VE68 is the name given to the quasi-satellite currently sharing and cohabiting with Venus, by Earth’s scientists. The satellite is expected to leave its Venusian ‘orbit’ sometime within the next five hundred years, and as such was an ideal location for this latest restaurant-come-sublime-experience to be built.

▲○±Ð⌂ ƒØ § ∟µ ®’s owners, who are a rather secretive consortium of intergalactic restaurateurs, defended their reasoning for constructing the expansive eatery on this asteroid rather than on Venus herself.

Their spokesperson, Malmath Splopp (possibly not their real name) said “We pride ourselves on finding locations with just that little edge of danger. The uncertainty of not knowing whether you have onions on your burger is vastly diminished compared with the uncertainty that the asteroid one is purchasing a burger on may be hurtled into outer space without a moment’s notice”.

Splopp continues, “Just like our sister restaurant on Phobos (one of Mars’ moons) may disintegrate and become a magnificent ring around the Red Planet, that ‘will it or won’t it’ pull seems to be quite popular with patrons, regardless of the lengthy waiting times. The effect of Mildred’s expulsion (Mildred is the name the consortium have given to the quasi-satellite – they wanted to keep things in line with the majority of places on Venus being named after females) is proving to have the same effect”.

The company is also proud of its magnificent re-designing of the logo for the restaurant to tie in with the Venusian theme. They are using the same red and green triangles, but rather than them being side by side, as they usually are, the red one is now ‘on top’ of the green one – and the they are pointing downwards, to represent the letter V. Malmath Splopp described the design as genius before its years, which just about shows their excitement and enthusiasm for their latest venture.

The food is of the usual inter-planetary standards. Curly fries and burgers, with or without lettuce and onions; only for Venus their fries come with a twist. They’re called Twisty F®ies. A secret Malmath Splopp didn’t want to share, but in his (her?) excitement had to reveal.      

The usual hair dressing and pampering services are available for those customers who do not want to wait in line, but they are charged a premium at this site, due to the new and experimental floatation tanks that have been installed. These floatation tanks are free to be used by patrons who use the hair dressing and pampering services, but a strict first come first served policy is in place.

Malmath Splopp and the consortium look forward to welcoming Earthlings to the ‘take away from the nearest star’ – now open!