Today’s review is about the newly opened intergalactic drive through just beyond Mars. Actually, the drive-thru itself is on Phobos, one of Mars’ two moons, and the decision to have the drive-thru there has caused a little resentment, especially with the supporters of Mars’ other moon, Deimos, and the Cytherean Movement (those Venusian traditionalists!), who wanted the chance for a more exotic way to promote the tropical shores of Venus itself. How a ‘fast food joint’ can be anywhere near exotic is a question asked by many, but the company that owns the rights to the chain are always looking for different ways to ensure that the restaurants blend into their surroundings.
Named ▲○±Ð⌂ ƒØ § ∟µ ®, the new Martian drive-thru is the third in the chain to be opened in our Solar System. It still uses the striking luminous green and red triangles as its eye-catching logo, which tend to look yellow when viewed in a certain way, and this time the triangles have been arranged to represent the letter M. For Mars.
As well as selling the usual curly fries and burgers, they also sell lettuce and onions, and all food is freshly cooked (apart from the lettuce).
The company pride themselves on the quality of their food, and they are keen to shun the image of being a ‘fast food joint’ by guaranteeing that all orders will be completely cooked in two hours. They have invested millions in introducing state of the art salons so customers can get their hair cut / done whilst waiting for their food. Customers needing to use this facility should be aware that they will have to park in order to do so, thus losing their ‘drive thru’ status, and discount. Other customers should be aware that, due to those who do not wish to take full advantage of the hair service, queues are likely to be long at the drive thru, and recommend phoning their order in at special telephone points along the approach to the drive thru.
The good thing about the queues, the brochure advises, are the spectacular views of Mars, as Phobos hurtles around the planet at great speed. Being at just under 6000 miles from the surface of Mars, the sunsets and sunrises that can be viewed are simply breath-taking. Customers do not even notice that the moon is orbiting Mars quicker than Mars is actually spinning on it’s axis, however some may experience some speed related nausea. Luckily, the food is well worth waiting for, and all will be forgotten after the first bite.
The company points out that as the orbit of Phobos is actually decreasing, there will come a time when the moon will either smash into the surface of the planet, or, due to gravity issues, the moon will disintegrate completely and become a ring around the planet (similar to the rings around Saturn). They are working closely with Health and Safety teams to ensure that all orders are safely completed before this catastrophic, yet completely natural event occurs, but stress that this is a long way off in the future.
For those who have never been to Phobos before, this graphic indicates how to find the moon in relation to Mars. 
If you arrive at a moon that is this shape, you have travelled too far and arrived at Deimos.
You must turn back immediately, and look for the moon that is this shape
The company has recently introduced a new slogan based entirely on their waiting times. “Hope to see you soon” has been classed as a ‘chalk’ and ‘cheese’ slogan, with some hoping that something better will come along soon.
- Trivia:
Phobos and Deimos are considered by some to be asteroids that have got themselves caught up in the gravitational pull of Mars.
Phobos and Deimos are characters from Greek Mythology, and both are sons of Ares, who was the God of War.
Phobos’ name means fear, and Deimos’ means dread. Ares, to the Romans, was known as Mars.
The Mansionic Perspective 
Would you like to leave a comment?