Why Here? Why Now?

I’d like to share something.

I find myself oddly at odds with myself. I know that sentence seems strange, almost paradoxical, but I put that down to being Piscean. Two fishes swimming in opposite directions.

I ask myself why am I here, or, what am I here for? My mind responds with a flurry of images, none of which seem to answer anything.

I see a butterfly, which I know is one of my Spirit Animals. I see overlapping golden rings forming a ‘V’ shape, with something above them that I can’t make out. I see outspread wings of an eagle or perhaps a phoenix. I see swirling colours. Then I see my butterfly again. Then, a wolf appears.

I see one of my earliest memories as a baby. I’m looking out of a window on a boat, watching water splash down the outside.

I see myself in the school corridor as a teenager, looking into the eyes of someone walking the other way, everything else removed from existence as we are locked within this timeless void.

I see myself now, alone, yet not alone. The sun’s rays beaming out from a fluffy white cloud against a crystal clear blue sky.

I feel calm in my space, with chaos around. The chaos tries to consume, and I manage to resist. I hear a raven in the distance.

I notice my breathing.

I feel my heartbeats.

Intrigued, I ponder my questions.

I wonder.

Perhaps I’m not here for any reason. Perhaps I’m here simply to experience whatever happens.

But that doesn’t add up. It doesn’t feel right.

I’m missing something.

And it is that which brings me back to my question, why am I here, what am I here for?