I’ve been introduced to this Blogging Challenge in Sue Dreamwalker’s latest post.
Linda (Litebeing) asks… Write about your spiritual mission here on Gaia. Are you a lightworker, Starseed, forerunner, Indigo, or none of the above? What have you incarnated to do or to be? Describe your mission and your journey to achieve it. Are you delighted to be here? There is no correct answer, by the way. Make it your own.
So (or ‘well’) here goes… and please bear with me. The waffle is on!
The honest answer to the question, the short answer, for me, is that I just don’t know. I’m definitely on a path to somewhere, that is clear. I’ve been travelling this path for many years, and since the early 2000s I’ve noticed a considerable change within myself of how I view the world and how I connect beyond it. I’m somewhat of a contradiction, allowing myself to be pulled this way and that, more though by my own thoughts rather than the outside world.
I’m awkward. Socially inept is probably a better way to describe it, and I love spending time by myself. Writing. Reading. Creating. Anything that takes me both within and out of myself at the same time is ideal. I live (some of the time) in a fantasy world which helps me to Feel Good… although there are a lot of aspects in my real world that allow me to feel that way too.
In 1999 my quiet personality was pushed beyond its limits when I applied for, and got, a job as part of a training team for a large call centre in Birmingham. Speaking in front of individual strangers was challenging enough, but here I was to speak in front of groups of strangers. To me, I was nervously awkward throughout the months I worked there, but my confidence did grow, and I enjoyed what I did. I was sad when it ended, and was told at the end that the training provided by myself and my colleagues that for most of the new employees it had been the best training they had received. Ever.
That was quite a compliment, but I thought they were just saying it to be nice.
I remember in my first training session, there were fifteen fresh faces looking at me in sheer dread. Drained of colour, some dribbling as they tried desperately not to scream, I realised that they were just about to go over the edge. It was the third day of training, and the first technical day. Very technical. I could see that with some of the newbies it was information overload. I looked at them all, individually, and I felt for each and everyone of them. They had all started a brand new job, looking for a fabulous new experience, and they had me as their trainer. I had to do something to make them feel, at least, a little better.
My co-trainer and I gathered everyone into a circle in the middle of the room, and we asked them in turn how they were feeling. They told us. Some were fine, others not as much, all were confused. All I could say to them was that yes, it was technical. It was difficult, and confusing. But in one split second they will ‘get it’. We’ve all been in their situation. We’ve all had to learn the same thing. And everything new takes a while to fit into place. I tried as best as I could to reassure them that from then on, the training would be easier. Eventually, the day’s session came to an end, and our mini group session / huddle / bonding activity seemed to have worked. Everyone returned to work the following day, and it was a lot easier for all of us.
It was in that training room that I realised just how important the right kind of help can be to someone. We abandoned the training because the group needed the huddle. I needed the huddle for reassurance that I hadn’t lost the group, and I was determined from that moment on that this group were going to succeed, come what may. And they did. Not all with flying colours, but when they were live they were brilliant in their work.
Future groups had their own challenges, but we managed to get through them. And, we noticed, that other trainers had also adopted the ‘huddles’.
So, I learned that I wanted to help people. I still do today, although I don’t seem to get much practice at it of late.
Since those training days, something has shifted. Something has changed, and I’m starting to feel separate from other people… disconnected. I sense they look at me with distrust or unease. I feel they want to get away from me as quickly as possible or don’t want to know me. I see them treating me in a different way to how they do others. It’s an odd feeling, and these descriptions are the closest way to explain it. I get the feeling from current work colleagues and strangers alike. So, as the saying goes, obviously, it’s not them, it’s me.
So, I shut myself away whenever I can and write and draw and create… and occasionally paint. I write about the Sphere Beyond, sharing the light, Feeling Good, and keeping things light-hearted. I write, hopefully, in a way that will bring a smile, and I write as a way of keeping a connection with people. It’s a good job I like doing it… and it’s a good job I like my own company.
Before writing this post, I did a quick internet search for the definition of a ‘Lightworker’. I found references to folk who are intuitive, becoming more self aware, easily connect with people, spiritual but not religious, a powerful manifestor, somewhat of a loner and someone naturally drawn to ancient ways and/or nature.
I don’t know about being intuitive (maybe I am…!) and I certainly do not connect easily with people in the physical sense – but then one can’t be a loner (I prefer the term ‘a private person’!) and easily connect with people at the same time, so I’m guessing that each of these attributes are part of being a Lightworker rather than all of the definitions combined.
That made me think that each and everyone of us is a Lightworker. Some very aware of the fact, others completely clueless and others, like me, wandering aimlessly somewhere in the middle.
I share a lot of those attributes. I manifest. I have ties to 1642 and beyond. I love being in nature and interacting with any creature that wants to interact with me. I use crystals. I practice magic. I dream of Angels and flying… and Places of Peace and Tranquility.
And I write about dark forces in a light-hearted way. I write about love in a dark way. Like I said back in the third century AD at the beginning of this post, I’m somewhat of a contradiction.
Maybe I’m a Lightworker-in-training, hence the urge to write about the training session earlier, and I’m currently going through that technical third day. Only the third day that I’m going through is maybe a decade long. Thinking that way, the decade is almost over, and maybe my social awkwardness may reverse and I will become more sociable once again. I know that only I can do that, but I have to make sure that I am in the right place for me before I do.
Not that I’m in the wrong place now. I know that for a fact. I love it just how it is right now. Just enough awkwardness balanced out by my own fabulous ‘own time’.
One day soon, I know that I’ll ‘get it’, just as I told the training group. I’ll know exactly why I am here, and what my Divine Mission-Possible is. Until that day, all I can do, just as every other being upon this fabulous world of ours, is continue to learn.
And share a little light, in my own individual way.
Above, and very above (in the image that starts this post!) is the link to Linda’s post and blog challenge. Linda has asked that anyone who participates in this challenge to nominate somebody within their circle to also take part. As usual, I can’t pick one person to nominate, so I’m throwing the gauntlet down to any of my followers to post about their Divine Mission-Possible. If you feel inspired, and would like to share, then please do so!