With sincere apologies, I’ve raided my Bumper Book of Christmas Cracker Jokes from 1957. I have to do at least one of these posts for the Festive Season. So, without further ado, strap yourself down, hold on to your belly and prepare to laugh. Or groan. Either works!

 Father Christmas is lying on a couch in a psychiatrist’s consulting room.

Psychiatrist: Now then, what appears to be the problem?

Father Christmas: I just don’t believe in myself.

What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
Reindeer: This will sleigh you.

What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?
She gave him the cold shoulder.

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

elf

How do snowmen get around?
On their icicles.

What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues.

What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? Cross Mouse Cards!

What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

Adam: It’s Christmas, Eve!

What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps.

What did the sea Say to Santa? Nothing! It just waved!

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!

You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.

Why does Santa have three garden plots up at the North Pole?

That way he can hoe, hoe, hoe!

What’s the difference between Santa’s reindeer and a knight? One slays the dragon, and the other’s draggin’ the sleigh.

That’s it. I can’t bear any more.

Posted by Tom Merriman

A future writer living in the present day

15 Comments

  1. Ho Ho Ho, good jokes Tom. Thanks for the laughs. Cheers!

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    1. Hehe! My pleasure Hélène! 😀

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    1. Thanks, Susan! ‘Tis the season after all! 😀

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  2. Ho, ho, ho !! You beat me to it Tom. I was looking at doing the very same thing – so no, No, NO. Once is enough. I’ll have to come up with something else 🙂

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    1. No – go for it, Raili! 😀 You could use the 1958 Bumper Book! 😀 😉

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      1. Talked me into it, Tom !

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  3. Oh heck! I’m going to have to go the extra mile next week with my Friday ‘Things I’ve Learned’ selection of jokes and funnies! eeek!
    Great post Tom. Well done. Now go and lie down in a darkened room. We’ll bring you a drink in a little while. Tea? Coffee? Something a little alcoholic in a glass?
    Warm Winter Squidges ~ Cobs. x

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    1. I couldn’t face a thing at present, Cobs, the forced laughter from those jokes has left me with a funny belly, but thanks for the offer! 😀

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  4. Thanks for the smiles… and the groaners! Good fun! 🙂

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    1. Good fun indeed, Diane, but once a year is enough! 😀

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  5. Merry Christmas Tom
    Lovely to see your space all decked out in Christmas graphics
    wow! looks really good in hear
    Happy new year for 2017
    Hugs Noelle xxx

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    1. Merry Christmas, Noelle! Good to see you again.

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