Hello?
Hello. Could I speak with the person who is responsible for the bills please?
The person responsible for the bills? Whoโs calling please?
Itโs XYZ Energy, and weโd like to compare our prices with those to the current energy supplier. Are you the person responsible for the bills?
No. You need to speak to ABC Electric. Theyโre the ones responsible for my bills. I just pay them when they come in.
***
Hello?
Hello. Could I speak to the homeowner please?
The homeowner? Whoโs calling please?
Itโs Alpine Fresh Conservatories. We have a fabulous range of ready made conservatories, available now at a price that must not be missed.
Iโm the homeowner. Tell me more.
Aha! Yes, the conservatories are a steal at ยฃ3,500, plus VAT and labour, and they come with a five year guarantee, which can be extended for a further five years for a small sum should you so wish. Is this something youโre interested in?
Tell me more! Do you fit the conservatories yourselves?
Indeed we do, sir. Our expertly trained, and extremely courteous staff will visit, measure and build the conservatories to perfection.
Do they have height restrictions?
Height restrictions? No, not really. They can go as high as youโd like, I suppose.
Really? Are you one of those expertly trained members of staff?
Indeed I am, sir, although I donโt do the building myself. Why do you ask?
Iโm just wondering how youโd manage to fit a conservatory to a fourth floor flat, thatโs all.
***
Hello?
Hello. Could I speak to the blog cretaor please?
The blog cretaor? Whoโs calling please?
Itโs Spam Is We. Weโve perceived that you didnโt been receiving any spam in a short happenstance, and weโre just wondering if everything is alreight.
Everythingโs fine, thank you for asking. I no longer need your services. I did let one of your operatives know the other day.
I excruciatingly apologetic to hear that, blog cretaor. Could I gleam as to why?
Yes. I no longer need your services.
Could I not if it pleases you forthwith to subject you with an offering of some boots?
No thank you. I need no boots, no sunglasses, no โmedicineโ, I already know how good I am, so you donโt need to constantly tell me that any more, and Iโm well aware that my sentences, no matter how long they may be, make considerable more sense than the offerings you come out with. So, your services are no longer needed.
A thousand thank yous. I shall bookmark this fine webpage to be returning in a short day.
***
These phone calls are works of fiction, but based on fact. No cold callers were offended during the typing up of these calls, as they didnโt actually exist. Iโm taking a short break from blogging for a day or two, but will soon be back. Just recharging the old batteries and all that! See you soonโฆ
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