Hello. Could I speak with the person who is responsible for the bills please?
The person responsible for the bills? Who’s calling please?
It’s XYZ Energy, and we’d like to compare our prices with those to the current energy supplier. Are you the person responsible for the bills?
No. You need to speak to ABC Electric. They’re the ones responsible for my bills. I just pay them when they come in.
Hello. Could I speak to the homeowner please?
The homeowner? Who’s calling please?
It’s Alpine Fresh Conservatories. We have a fabulous range of ready made conservatories, available now at a price that must not be missed.
I’m the homeowner. Tell me more.
Aha! Yes, the conservatories are a steal at £3,500, plus VAT and labour, and they come with a five year guarantee, which can be extended for a further five years for a small sum should you so wish. Is this something you’re interested in?
Tell me more! Do you fit the conservatories yourselves?
Indeed we do, sir. Our expertly trained, and extremely courteous staff will visit, measure and build the conservatories to perfection.
Do they have height restrictions?
Height restrictions? No, not really. They can go as high as you’d like, I suppose.
Really? Are you one of those expertly trained members of staff?
Indeed I am, sir, although I don’t do the building myself. Why do you ask?
I’m just wondering how you’d manage to fit a conservatory to a fourth floor flat, that’s all.
Hello. Could I speak to the blog cretaor please?
The blog cretaor? Who’s calling please?
It’s Spam Is We. We’ve perceived that you didn’t been receiving any spam in a short happenstance, and we’re just wondering if everything is alreight.
Everything’s fine, thank you for asking. I no longer need your services. I did let one of your operatives know the other day.
I excruciatingly apologetic to hear that, blog cretaor. Could I gleam as to why?
Yes. I no longer need your services.
Could I not if it pleases you forthwith to subject you with an offering of some boots?
No thank you. I need no boots, no sunglasses, no ‘medicine’, I already know how good I am, so you don’t need to constantly tell me that any more, and I’m well aware that my sentences, no matter how long they may be, make considerable more sense than the offerings you come out with. So, your services are no longer needed.
A thousand thank yous. I shall bookmark this fine webpage to be returning in a short day.
These phone calls are works of fiction, but based on fact. No cold callers were offended during the typing up of these calls, as they didn’t actually exist. I’m taking a short break from blogging for a day or two, but will soon be back. Just recharging the old batteries and all that! See you soon…