Inner voices – The monsters who want control

Bernard, my nagging inner voice, or chatterbox, is learning a lesson. Well, at least I think he is.

The reason I say this is because I don’t seem to recall hearing many comments from him today. He still manages to bubble to the surface when I am driving, but today, I managed to shut him up by not doing what he was screaming at me to do. ‘Don’t let them in!’ he would scream as I would spot a car indicating to move out into my lane. ‘Drive really slowly!’ as I notice a driver behind me impatiently trying to push me along the road. ‘Race through these red traffic lights – they’ve only just changed, it’ll be OK!’, just as traffic from the other direction starts moving.

I don’t know why Bernard needs to say these things really. Does it really matter that someone is in the wrong lane? No. Should I be bothered that someone else is being impatient? I can’t make them be patient can I? So, no again. And drive through a red traffic light? They’re red for a reason, Bernard.. shut up!

It’s not only when I’m driving that he appears, but he seems more vocal when I’m behind the wheel. I don’t know whether this is what I think, or what Bernard has ‘persuaded’ me to think, but maybe the reason there are so many ‘road rage’ incidents on the road is because other drivers are listening too much to their versions of Bernard. Not that I can blame them though, those inner voices are very convincing.

Another time he is quite vocal is when I am doing something I am not particularly keen on. In work, he used to be really loud, and would pass comment on just about everything that occurred during the day. ‘Did you see how he looked at you then?’; ‘You can’t do that, you are useless at it!’; ‘Don’t blame me if this project runs over time – it’s all your fault!’; and ‘If you’d have gone through all of those red lights like I said, you wouldn’t be late now!’ are some of the comments I hear… the last one usually when I arrive at work ten minutes early – I don’t think he has a concept of time. One of his favourite statements is ‘You are rubbish! Lousy! A waste of space!’

When I’m doing something I really enjoy, he is quiet. As I was typing this, I heard ‘You are embarrassing yourself… stop it!’ so I typed a few more of his comments in the last paragraph (I really enjoy writing things for this blog!) – the voice soon went away again.

When I’m enjoying things, I’m happy. I’m positive. When I’m not enjoying something, it is as though the door opens and lets Bernard out! He sees a glimpse of negativity and feeds off it! Runs away with it, and if I’m not careful he does take over. In the past, I have actually said something to someone as a result of a Bernard comment which didn’t go down very well with them. What did Bernard do? He said ‘What did you say that for? You are so stupid!’

The negative aspect of the chatterbox doesn’t help with any situation. I am quite a positive person, but when my chatterbox takes hold it takes me quite a while to regain control, and get my positivity back. I do manage it eventually, but sometimes I have to work on it. How I do that, depends on what I am doing at the time.

1) Slow down.

I take a deep breath, and bring my thoughts back to myself. This is quite useful when I’m driving as I intentionally slow down the car. I’m not in a race when all said and done, so take things a little easier and allow the other drivers to do what they want to do. As I’m allowing them to do it, I’m in control of  my current situation.

2) Ask ‘Why?’

As soon as I hear a negative comment from my chatterbox, I either ask why that is being said,  or ask for further details to elaborate on what is being said. Never have I had a response. In fact, this shuts the chatterbox up for quite a nice while!

3) Pretend to enjoy what I am doing

I do this when the chatterbox is saying ‘Boring!’ or ‘Look at the weather outside, it is glorious and you are stuck in here!’. I find this can take a little longer to stop the chatter, but eventually I get into the stride of what I am doing, and rather than pretending to enjoy what I am doing, I actually find that I am enjoying it!

4) Just say  ‘Shut up!’

This works sometimes, but usually I have to do one of the other three techniques above just after saying it.

5) Do something else!

If I can that is! I mean, if I’m driving, I can’t just stop the car where I am and walk, but if I’m in work, I can move onto another project for a short while and then return refreshed to the original project.

I haven’t eradicated Bernard completely, and don’t think that I actually want to, to be honest. I am getting more control over him when he starts to speak, so this does improve how I am feeling in certain areas of my life.

I can’t really complain at that though. With the good feelings I have in the majority of areas of my life, and the better feelings in the areas that need improving, the overall positivity shines through.

So what if someone pulls out in front of me in the car? So what if someone looks at me in an odd way? So what if every traffic light was red when I approached it? None of it really matters unless I make it matter. My feeling good matters more!

And I do feel good… really!!! 🙂