Good evening. Here is the news.
In an astonishing turn of events, there is no news today. We now go over to Warne Gravel, in our main studio, who has the latest on this breaking story.
Thank you, Seldom. Yes, the auto cue is still, and there is no footage in the VT. I’m not even receiving metallic sounds in my ear; not even static. I will call it from here. There is no news to report. In our Economics Studio, Humphrey Lynx is standing by with details on the impact on the marketplace.
There is no impact, Warne. Nothing. Not even a blip anywhere. There was… no… it was a temporary delay in the latest update, which is still exactly the same: No impact.
I’m Jacqueline D’L’orange on the Sportsdesk, and the story is exactly the same with sport. There is no sports news. Even the government minister for sport, Elvis Lives, was unavailable for comment. Perhaps Daphne Riddle may have a different story with the weather.
Well, the answer to that, Jacqueline, is a resounding no, I’m afraid. There’s no weather to report. No warm fronts. No icy blasts. Just nothing. This may also continue into the middle of next week. What do you make of it all, Seldom?
Thank you, Jacqueline and Daphne. There isn’t really much more I can add. Obviously, we will be covering these events as they happen and will return as soon as we have anything to report.
And thank you, viewer, for tuning in on this unprecedented day. I’m Seldom Gumboyle, and this has been the news.
The Mansionic Perspective 
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