Life, Energy and Work

Many years ago, I had an idea that I would become extremely wealthy. I didn’t know how this would happen, but I wanted it to. I told all of my work colleagues about my plan, and things were going great. My bank account was increasing nicely, I was doing well heading towards my dream (OK, I had a very long way to go, as when I said extremely wealthy, I meant in the millions) but everything was going fine.

I was very happy with everything.

I had a few close friends outside of work, several close friends in work, and got on extremely well with the majority of the others that I worked with. My job role changed, and I had the opportunity to branch out into something completely different, and something totally alien to me: training. Teaching others to do their jobs well.

I have never been one of a public speaker. I used to enjoy performing in the plays and assemblies when I was at school, but those characters weren’t me. I could hide behind them, and as I did this, I was chosen for more roles.

Since leaving school, we didn’t have plays or assemblies in work, so this added confidence I built up dissipated. I was OK with people. I could communicate fine, and had no problem speaking up in meetings or training sessions when the need arose.

Being told I had been selected for the training position I was overjoyed, and filled with fear at the same time. Overjoyed because, due to my lack of confidence, I was never chosen for new job roles. Filled with fear, because being a trainer meant I had to speak in front of a group of people. I had to control a group of people. Entertain them, welcome them, guide them into their new job roles, and make sure I was doing a good job at the same time.

I reached a pivotal point in my first training group. I had gotten over my initial nervousness at speaking in decipherable English sounding tones, and took a step back from how I was feeling to look at how the group were doing. They were all really lovely people. They wanted to do well in their job, and were keen to learn. I could see from their faces that they were all confused.

The job was quite fragmented and technical, with lots of little bits that needed to be learned, and then, by the end of the session everything would just ‘click’ into place. This ‘clicking into place’ phrase is one that has followed me around for years, but not once have I heard it in my current job.

So, I had sixteen confused faces looking at me. I thought to myself ‘Just look at this lot… they have joined this major international company, expecting to receive world-class training for them to kick-start their careers, and they get me to train them.’ And that was my pivotal moment. I thought to myself that I had applied to become the trainer, and I had been given the job. Regardless of the fact that I was nervous, hadn’t had that much experience at training, and my public speaking skills were less than lousy, it wasn’t their fault that they had got me as a trainer. I decided in that moment, that I was going to be their trainer, not the company’s. I gathered everyone into a circle, and we had a discussion about why they were confused, what they expected, what they expected from me, and from each other. In this discussion, we all bonded as a group. We all helped each other, and over the next days, the confusion lifted. Everyone was helping everyone else, and by the end of the training I received feedback from some of the group saying things such as, ‘I have never had training at such a high level from any company I have worked with before, and I have worked for some very large companies over the years.’; ‘The training was delivered at a pace that really suited the whole group, but no-one was left out. Everyone had time to learn, their own time with the trainer, and there was plenty of time for fun and laughter too’’ and ‘A thoroughly enjoyable training course, expertly delivered.’

Wow. My first training session had been a success.

I delivered quite a few more training sessions before things changed again, and I moved onto another job role. Once again, the confidence I had built up started to diminish.

Then, I was made redundant. Yes, I had money in the bank. My personal friends outside of work moved on, or perhaps I moved on from them… we went our separate ways. I didn’t see my work colleagues as I didn’t work with them any more. So there was me. I loved the freedom I had. But, this freedom had come with another cost.

Not only losing my friends, but losing my confidence. Not speaking to anyone, when you are naturally introverted, tends to enhance that introversion. So, when I restarted work in my current job, I started with false confidence. And rubbish training.

I have been there for about five years now. I still don’t know entirely what it is I’m doing a lot of the time. If it goes wrong, it is my fault, but that is the nature of my current job. I have to teach myself things I don’t understand. I have no support. And I have no people in work who I can call friends because of the way how the company is structured.

I need the me from the training period to re-emerge. I need to gather myself together, and give myself a little rallying pep talk. I need to tell myself that I’ll get through this and everything will be fine in the end. It always is anyway. I need to reignite that confidence, that is still within me, and use it to push myself forward. I can do wonders for the company when I am full of confidence. I can’t do anything of any value when I am like how I am right now.

Writing this has put me in mind of the TV documentary I saw the other night about the life of waves. The energy that flows through things. Looking back over the jobs I have done, I can see a wave pattern emerging. The highs being the confidence, the friends, the enjoyment, the satisfaction, and the good feedback. The lows being the lack of knowledge, the fear, the feelings of loneliness.

All I need to do is raise my energy levels higher. Raise my awareness as to what it is that I want, and then go out and get it. I know that I can do it. I know that I can do it well.

Many years ago, I had an idea that I would become extremely wealthy. Wealth is not only about money, but abundance. Abundance of friends, experience, knowledge… and cash as well. All wealth is achievable. We just have to make sure that we are using our energies correctly to get it. I need to raise my energy levels once more. Once you are at the bottom, the only way is up anyway! I’m starting to think that this is another of my pivotal moments.

What we think about we bring about. The Law of Attraction works on our feelings. Feeling good helps with our Cosmic Orders. With all of this energy from the Universe being available, just waiting to help, and me knowing exactly what it is that I want., I think I’m in a great place to recharge those higher energies. Hello World… the real me is coming back!