A message I needed to hear…

I witnessed an event in a parallel universe today. One so shocking, and so vivid, I couldn’t believe that I was actually seeing it unfold in front of my eyes. I was in a meeting in work, when suddenly, the building across the car park exploded in a huge fireball. The building opposite that one, to the right of where I was looking, then exploded a couple of seconds later. And then smaller explosions occurred on the car parks themselves. And then, the windows of the meeting room I was in shook, then cracked, and then splintered, and then I saw the building around me start to explode as well.

I’m not saying that the meeting was boring or anything (OK, yes, I am saying that…), but I could not remember one word of what any of the attendees had said. I was concerned as to what was going on outside, but nobody else in the meeting room was bothered; obviously because they couldn’t see what I could.

I had to bring myself back into this universe, and into this meeting. The quarterly planning meeting to decide what projects needed to be carried forward into the next quarter, and what essentials needed to be brought forward into this one. I’m only invited to these meetings for information only, so that I know what is going on, and so that I am ready for when they pass all of the work over to me to try to break. I think I’m expected to contribute something, but I’m the only non-manager level person in the meeting, and the others are paid to thrash things out. I’m only paid to do what they tell me to do, so do my best at doing that.

This vision I saw un-nerved me. I felt the explosion around me. I heard the glass breaking. I saw the flames and the brightness, yet strangely felt very calm. I couldn’t move, but also didn’t want to move.

Did I see one of my doppelgängers in a parallel universe at the moment that life ended? I don’t know. Possibly. But I couldn’t help thinking that, out of every possible way to leave this life, being caught up in an almighty explosion in the middle of one of the most tedious meetings in the history of mankind would not have been the first thought to come to mind. I also felt quite sad after the experience, but couldn’t dwell on it as I had to pick up the threads of the meeting.

My mind does have a tendency to wander, especially in work. I usually imagine myself on a beach with waves gently lapping up to the shore, the rustle of the trees nearby, the seagulls cawing overhead, and the warm sun shining down upon me. Or, I’m in my Place of Peace and Tranquility, and really enjoying the freshness. Occasionally, I’m imagining fantastic places to explore that are just beyond the trees on the horizon, or hidden roads that lead to magical lands behind the factory that occupies the land next to the office. I’m very often miles away from where I am, and I’m very often very happy there. All of these places feel good. They are very comfortable and leave me with a very warm feeling inside when I come back into myself.

The vision today was something new. Frightening. Frighteningly real. And frighteningly surreal how everyone around me were not the slightest bit bothered. They were just doing what they had to do, and everything around them was exploding apart. I’d like to hope that, in the extremely unlikely event of this ever happening in this universe, they would be bothered. I’d also like to hope that I would be able to move myself.

Have I received a Message from the Universe? Have I been told that these people around me are only interested in themselves? I hope not. I hope that the people I work with are not like that. I don’t really know the people I work with very well, and although I have a very cool reaction (and that is cool as in unfriendly, not cool as in hip!) from the majority of them whenever I am around them, I’m hoping this is only due to the fact that we don’t know each other very well. Although when I have seen some of the people outside of work they have deliberately walked the other way to avoid me, or completely ignored me when I have been stood right next to them. I suppose in some cases I should make the first effort and say something, but when someone looks me in the eye and then turns away, that tells me they do not want to speak. It may be me. It may be Bernard (my nagging inner voice). But I don’t think so.

In writing this, I think I have worked out what the Universe has told me. I must move. I have to act, otherwise people will just do their own thing around me. I have to be the one to make the first effort. Nobody will do that for me. If they don’t like me, they still won’t like me, so it doesn’t matter. They may want to ignore me, but I don’t need to ignore them as well. I should say a quick “Hi!” and then walk off so they don’t feel pressured to say anything back.

Janet Street-Porter once said something along the lines of ‘It doesn’t really matter what anybody thinks. A third of the people will like you regardless of what you do, say or become. A third of the people may be uncertain about you, but may change their way to like you eventually. And a third of the people will never like you”. So, thinking that way, I’m going to say “Hi!” to a lot more people and have fun doing it. And if they don’t like me for doing that, tough! I’ll say it again the next time I see them anyway! I’ll give it a month and see what happens. I quite like listening to Janet Street-Porter, and even though I haven’t met her, I like her. I think we’d be good friends if we ever did meet.

Janet also said “Blogs are for anoraks who couldn’t get published any other way.” She may be onto something with the third of the people thing…