Quiet Days

I think I can honestly say that no two days are the same.

Even though I tend to do the same thing day in, day out, the difference between today and the previous days is remarkable. That’s probably why I’m remarking…

Most of today was spent in work. Had a what we’ve done – where we are – what we’re doing meeting this afternoon. We always do this one Thursday each month, and the meetings are always the same. The time passes quite quickly considering I sit there and say nothing. I do try to take in what the others are talking about but sometimes I get lost in the technospeak, and tend to nod. Not nod off – I hasten to add – although I have felt like doing that on a couple of occasions – but I pretend to listen and nod in agreement and thoughtfully. Once I’ve reached that stage though I’ve lost the plot completely and I usually find that it is in these moments I am asked a question.

‘Did they say my name then?’ I ask myself as I notice that the room has gone quiet and everyone is looking at me. ‘Good. Quick’ I say quietly and with a smile. Luckily, it was the correct response to whatever question I was asked by Thingie in the corner.

It’s at quiet times that you really begin to notice what you are thinking about. Well, I do anyway. I sometimes find myself reliving scenarios that have taken place earlier in the week. Not only re-living them, but also re-writing them in my mind. I think I re-lived yesterday’s meeting twice during today’s meeting. Maybe the question I was asked in today’s meeting was actually a memory from the earlier one and maybe my ‘Good. Quick’ answer was the wrong one. Maybe that’s why they didn’t say anything after. See… I’m doing it again now. Both of those meetings are over and I shouldn’t have any need to go through them again. Besides, the meeting next month will be here very soon, and I’ll have to go through that experience again then anyway! It’ll be the same, but different.

Outside of the meeting, work has also been the same but different. Ignored by some work colleagues and comforted by others. I try not to dwell on the ones who ignore me, but they seem to come to mind a little more clearer than those who have taken time to ask me how I’m doing. I think it is funny how a silent stare from one person can say much more than a few words from another. I remember walking through a door once and holding the door open for a colleague as she was walking through in the opposite direction. Being a quiet person myself, I smiled. She just looked at me for a brief second, looked away and walked through the open door. That’s the kind of silent stare that I’m referring too. Maybe they think I’m ignoring them when I smile at them… I don’t know for sure though, I’m not a mind reader!

I like quiet times. I can reflect on things of importance and trivial things at the same time. I can dwell on certain moments and imagine amazing outcomes for other situations. I can remove myself from everything that is going on around me, and gather myself, so I’m refreshed and ready for the next thing that comes along.

I think an important part of these quiet times though, is to try and notice the good things more clearer than the not so good. Being ignored by someone should not even really register. They have either ignored me on purpose (which is their choice) or they have not even realised that they have ignored me. Maybe they are having a quiet moment too, and thought they had said something as they passed Whoozits who held the door for them… well, I can pretend their minds work like mine, can’t I? I shouldn’t think that I’m the only one to have a quiet day though.

Noticing the good highlights the good. The more we see, the more we see. Like attracts like. Thinking that way gives me more good things to think about when I’m having a quiet day. I do like to feel good after all!