Hello Ego!

I’m beginning to feel that I am ‘finding myself’ again. I am starting to do a little bit more than I did before, and feel better for it. The phrase ‘finding myself’ makes it seem that I have been somehow lost, and although I have been right here physically, I have just been moving forward, really aimlessly, just into the next day, to do the same things again (slightly different, obviously, but generally the same!)

I started this blog so I could really find myself, and in writing about the various events that have happened to me in the past, I have been able to move forward with some of the serious ‘issues’ that I have carried with me over the years. I have also used EFT to help me release some of the agonising feelings that came from certain situations in the past. Everything is working slowly for me, and I don’t want to rush things along, but at the same time I want to be further down this path, just to see how far I got… if that makes sense. (I sometimes feel that I  live in my own paradox, where I can make everything happen, but in taking action I stop the things that I really want from happening).

Take swimming for example. I’ve been swimming for seven days now. I’ve almost got up to swimming a mile a day. My clothes feel better on me. I weigh half a stone lighter than I did last Monday. I look in the mirror and see slight differences in how I look. I feel as though I walk differently. But I have a nagging voice inside my head saying that I have not done enough – or I have not done it quickly enough. This voice is also telling me that I need to look at the excess fat around my middle to see that I haven’t really lost the weight – it has just moved somewhere where it looks better. This voice of mine isn’t very complimentary. It’s either always putting me down, or telling me I’m not good enough, or telling me I am good enough (when I’m not) and then putting me down for not being good enough and it asks what was I thinking of for doing what I did in the first place…

This ego voice either wants me to feel good or bad. To feel better than others or worse. To achieve or fail. When I ask this voice why does it want me to do what it wants; or how can I do what it is telling me to do, it doesn’t answer. I have to make those decisions myself. If I make the right decision, my ego loves it. If I make the wrong decision, my ego loves that too. So, really, in essence, I am being told to do or not to do something, by a voice inside my head that isn’t really bothered whether I actually do it or not… but will constantly berate me anyway.

It’s no wonder I found myself getting a bit lost back there, with all that swirling going on within my head.

My ego’s not a bad thing, I hasten to add. It does tell me to beware when being aware is needed, so it does have a useful function. But the other ninety-odd percent of the time, it is just there jabbering away about how I did. I think my ego has taken control of me tonight, and has started typing this… it’s telling me I can’t possibly write this in a very good way without it’s help.

Well, ego, let me tell you something… I am good at what I do, and I am allowed not to be good at times. I am capable of learning from my mistakes without being punished for the rest of my life. I am grateful for the way you guide me to be alert, and be ready to run… but why do you constantly remind me of what I did whether I chose to run or not? Whether I use the wrong word in a conversation with someone, whether I am a few minutes late, whether I accidentally break something – they have just happened. They are done and in the past.

I’ve got right now to enjoy. Ego, start to enjoy it with me rather than enjoying your own little self at my expense.

Now, that felt good, and my ego enjoyed it too.

Until later!

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Horace!

Just a quick post today. One of the cartoon strips I enjoy reading regularly is “A Man Called Horace” from the Daily Mirror, by Roger Kettle and Andrew Christine. I have been reading the strip since the early 1990s, and every day it makes me smile. it features a masked  cowboy, called Horace, and his friend, Mojo. Other characters include Joe the barman, Horace’s Granny, Horace’s love interest Kitty, Sam the snake, and a selection of other characters who pop up from time to time. Incidentally, Roger Kettle also writes Andy Capp – I’ll add one of those strips here too!

They really are entertaining, harmless fun:

And the Andy Capp strip is at the bottom…

To read more adventures of Horace and his friends, and / or Andy Capp, have a look in the Daily Mirror each day! Or visit http://www.mirror.co.uk/fun-games/cartoons/

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Everything’s a story

A line in last night’s final episode of Doctor Who really stood out to me. Not the actual line itself, but the idea behind it. ‘Everything is just a story really’, and when you think about it, it is so true.

Memories are just a story of events from the past. Dreams are just a story of how things could be in the future, or how things could be different in the now. We are the creators of our own existence – we write the words on the blank pages in the book of our lives. We can make the story we are writing as exciting and extraordinary as we would like it to be – or we could make it as quiet and as simple as possible. We can be as creative with our descriptions and characters as any well known author, or we can adapt our own unique style and try something different.

We are doing this all of the time, but without paying attention. We have the ability to make the story of our lives an absolute best seller, which will go down in history as one of the all time greats… or we can choose just to be part of the background – a character in someone else’s life story, although there really isn’t much fun in that.

In our story, we can have, be and do whatever it is we really desire. We can be the dashing hero. We can be the beautiful princess. We can learn whatever we need to learn to help us to invent the next useful must-have household item. We can visit places where we have never been to before. We can find things that have been lost for centuries. We can make new discoveries. We can make every day as bright as we like. We can always be smiling and happy. We can be an inspiration for others to create their life stories also.

Making ourselves the lead character in our story is the best option. Writing the story in the present tense helps to keep it fresh and up to date.  Introducing the type of supporting characters we would like to know would help to bring that type of person into our real lives. We can include some really out of the ordinary experiences every now and then to add an extra level of energy. We can keep things ticking along by including some humour, some music, some art or whatever else comes to mind.

We have no limits about what we can include in our story. Nothing is far fetched. Everything we think of is part of our reality. Whether we include what we think may be far fetched – as a thought or as a fact – into the story, it is still included. We can keep out the things that we are not keen on – think “It’s my story after all, so I decide what I want in it!”

Get writing! Get creating! Start to see things in a different way. Have a look at the magical possibilities that are around. Believe in your story. Stop saying things like “That only happens to other people”, “I’m not lucky enough to do that” or “I could never in a million years do that”. Script it!

Make it happen now.

Fantastic Day!

The day so far has been absolutely brilliant. I’m a little tired now, I have done a lot of driving (a lot more than I needed to actually, as I set back from Buxton in the completely opposite direction!), watched the last episode of the current series of Doctor Who (which was fantastic – twists and turns and circles and cycles – yet easy to keep up with… amazing!) and I’m now typing this. I am in two minds whether to go for a Saturday night out, or stay in. I’m tired, I know. But I’ve been in the sun and feel like I’m on holiday. Decisions. Decisions. Well, I’ll decide later!

First of all, the fair. The Buxton Health and Healing festival is just amazing. So relaxing, with lots of things to see and do, in gorgeous gardens – and I didn’t suffer from hayfever once!

I’ve had my aura photographed again today. I’ve had it photographed three times before, but that was a few years ago, and wanted to see if it was any different this time. Well, it is still the same colour, red. But this time, it is the brightest red I have ever seen. All around my head and over the shoulders the colour is almost solid. It actually looks as though I coul be wearing a hood in the photo.  And I quite liked the interpretation of the reading too… I have an exciting and eventful future ahead of me! Woohoo! I have been given a warning too, that I must take time out regularly for myself, otherwise I will burn myself out, and may even forget to sleep. The aura also has nothing to do with my job. I’m wondering what it could be, but I’m looking forward to it! No complaints here. I also have some orange and gold to the left and around my heart area which indicates creativity, and that has always been there since the first aura photograph I had taken.

I asked the chap who gave me the reading do our auras always stay the same or do they change. He advised that they will remain the same until we do something that will make them change. For example starting a different job which requires a lot of learning may change the aura’s colour if it something that we really want to do. The aura will not change it’s colour by itself, the change has to come from within. Which is true, really, for a lot of things.

I really like my red aura, and after today’s session, I love it even more. Not just bright red, vivid red.Intense red. Amazing.

Also at the festival I met up with some friends who I haven’t seen for ages, which was very nice, and had a mooch around the various stalls. I bought a gift for my parents, and I also bought a Guardian spray for myself, which invokes a guardian into my aura to ward of negativity. I think I’ll use it when I’m in work. The bottle really stood out to me as I passed it on a particular stall, so I just had to pick it up and read it. I tried a sample of it, and bought it. I believe in these things even more so since the spell I bought a few years ago in Manchester.

And on to Doctor Who. What a finale. All of the current loose ends were tied up, and a couple on new ones thrown in… there’s a Christmas special this year, so I wonder if they’ll be addressed in that? I really enjoyed the episode, with all of the twists and turns the story took – but I’m not going to write about any of it here… watch it and see what you think yourself!

I’ve still not decided what to do tonight… but whatever it is, I will enjoy it!

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Colours

I love colours. The more colourful something is the better. However, a splash of vibrant colour on a black, white, or black and white / grey background pleases me just as much. I even try to imagine what the colours would have been when I look at an old black and white or sepia photograph. I don’t think I’ll ever know if I’m right, but I don’t think I’m that far wrong either.

I like the differences in colour that the seasons bring, and I like the differences in colour the changing light of the day also brings. I even like the way how the colours appear in the darkness of night.

I like the crisp white of freshly fallen snow; the deep blue of a clear summer day’s sky; the startling orange of a sunset; the assortment of greens when looking at a rainforest; all the different vibrant colours of fresh fruit, vegetables and flowers; the reds, yellows and oranges of a roaring fire; the purples and blues of the deep oceans.

Moving away from the natural world, and into the man-made world, I like the combination of colours used in art, advertising, TV, fashion, vehicles, road signs – they all serve a purpose in some way, and I could not imagine anything without colour.

And colour is one of the reasons I am grateful to have my sense of sight. There is so much information around us wherever we look; a large percentage of it is ignored. It must be really hard to take in every single piece of information that we see, yet we somehow do. An example is if you see something late in the day and you remember seeing it earlier. You can’t remember exactly where you saw it, but you know you did.

If what you saw was of an unusually vivid colour, you would instantly remember where you saw it. If it was a turquoise telephone box, you would instantly remember where you saw the last one. If it was a red and blue spotted mini you would remember exactly where you saw it last. The reason for remembering is because of the vivid colour.

If it was a blue shirt you wouldn’t remember if you saw it at all before, even if thirty people were wearing the same shirt at the same time you last saw it. The more everyday things we see, we tend to ignore them because we are used to seeing them.

We are used to seeing the greenery in summer and the lack of green leaves in winter, but ignore the colours that are actually there. The green leaves are not the same colour green; the blue sky is not the same shade of blue. Taking notice of the difference in colours, the vibrancy that is all around us, really opens us up to appreciate what we actually have. It is a fantastic world that we live on, and what is equally fantastic is that we have the ability to interpret and interact with everything that is around us.

Rather than just look at a colour, I try to really bring out the colour itself. I try to make it ‘alive’ if that makes sense. What I mean is, I concentrate on the colour, and notice it become more vivid, bolder. It exercises my eyes when I do this, but it also gives me more of a connection to what is around me. Rather than just look at what is around me, I ‘feel’ the colours of everything that is around me through my eyes. I must admit to feeling very special when the colours start to glow before my very eyes. It is literally a magicalexperience, and one I try to experience at least once a day.

So, I love colours. And I don’t have a favourite.

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