Hello my darlings,
How are you?
I have a message; maybe two
Listen carefully to what I say…
When I call and your telephone rings
Let me speak, let me sing,
Hear my voice and then allow me
Access to your own PC
There’s a problem on the line that I must fix,
This is no scam, I have no tricks.
You must provide me with your password and pin
You know, just so that I can get in
To check your accounts are all fine, above board
We don’t want to disconnect your internet, I’m sure.
It’s to check it’s all OK and, oh yes,
I have a parcel for you today
We can deliver it tomorrow if you’re in
Please confirm your address again
Hello? Are you there,
My name is Pam
I know I sound just like a man
But no, its your line you see…
I’m from your phone company, you can trust me
Not all scammers are foul-mouthed and rude individuals, although most are if their call doesn’t go their way. They are nowadays trying other tricks to gain access to homes, computers, money… anything they can get their hands on, really.
Be very careful and alert when answering calls from numbers you don’t know – landline, mobile, out of area, international or withheld. They will try anything. Even under threat of massive fines, they are still at it. If anything sounds too good to be true, it more than likely is – do not be conned. Do not fall victim to this diabolical and evil section of society who will most certainly burn in hell for their actions.
Normal, light-hearted Hallowe’en posts will resume shortly, I just wanted to attempt to bring home a modern day horror story that occurs day in day out all year long. Reminders are always useful, I find.
The sound of the bells ringing twelve carried across the graveyard, through the murky grey mist that had decided to settle. Muffled, the heart of the sound was more prominent than the fuzzy, frayed edges to the deep and echoey tolls.
The rustle and scraping of footsteps through fallen leaves swiftly brought my attention to something closer.
Who’d be walking through the graveyard at this time?
I’d never get to know.
The whispered hiss that came from this approaching stranger made me jump to my feet and flee without looking back.
Ghost-hunting is better indoors anyway, on nights like this.
Prowling through the shadows, unnoticed.
Listening to the fading sounds as daytime draws to a close.
Waiting for the right time to run across the deserted street, out of sight.
Now is the time.
Across the road. Up the kerb. Through the gate. Along the path.
Onto the doorstep.
Sit and wait.
The door creaks open slowly.
In the warmth.
By the fireside.
Elijah was a hapless individual.
He couldn’t rattle chains as his hands simply passed through everything. He couldn’t make eerie groans as his voice didn’t reach the correct wavelength. He had no idea how to generate a ghostly glow whenever he was in anyone’s presence. And he was terrified of his own shadow.
One day, realisation hit home with Elijah. Ghosts shouldn’t have shadows.
He got over his fear, and started making his shadow move in all kinds of strange and sinister ways.
Cottingly Manor was hosting its Annual Masquerade Ball, and Elijah decided to pop along to try out his new found skill.
The ballroom was lit by thousands of candles, all flickering this way and that, casting shadows from the dancing partygoers all around the room.
“Perfect!” Elijah thought, and proceeded to cast his spooky shadows on the walls. Nobody noticed.
Who notices shadows in a candle-lit room?
There was an old mansion house
Whose owner was scared of a mouse
When something went bump
How the owner did jump
And he screamed as he passed right out…
Hallowe’en is on its way… and with it another set of these frightful limericks. I know they are terrible, but they are devilishly fun to write. And you always need something to roll your eyeballs at around this time of the year. Notice I said ‘at’, and not ‘out’. I don’t want to be held responsible for a missing eyeball fiasco now, do I?