This is a post I never wanted to write.

Although always inevitable, one hoped it would be further in the future than now, but days and events come upon us so suddenly. A lesson, perhaps, to make the most of every day; of every moment of every day; for the time comes suddenly when such moments are gone.

My Mum took ill suddenly in October, a day after her 89th birthday. Since then, she remained in hospital, some days a lot better than others. She had infective endocarditis, an infection of the inside of the heart. The treatment was a six week intensive course of antibiotics, and, as the doctor told me, the prognosis isn’t good with this type of infection.

As I’ve just mentioned, some days were a lot better than others, and even the doctors were convinced the treatment was working. They were pleased, they told me, as Mum is a lovely lady. Not that they needed to tell me that.

But then the treatment started not working. Mum wasn’t getting any better, but she wasn’t getting any worse. They wanted to make plans for her to either go home, or go into a care home, where she would be made comfortable for the rest of her days. Mum’s choice, quite decisively, was to go home.

However, her health deteriorated again. My brother and I were allowed to go to sit with her in hospital, sometimes separately, sometimes together. Sometimes Mum was chatty, sometimes not. We held her hand whilst we were with her, making sure she was as comfortable as she could be.

On 24th December, as we were approaching the hospital car park, the doctor called. He would meet us when we arrived at the ward. Mum passed away at 11:56. We drove onto the car park at 12:00. We saw her again, and as usual held her hand, thanking her for being her; for being there for us; and for being a lovely lady. We wished her, one last time, Good Night, God Bless, and have a good sleep. I also asked her to let us know she was still with us, through feathers, coins or other unique ways we would know the sign was from her.

Christmas Eve?! People say, stepping back a second. Oh no, December 24th, I say. There’s a reason. We have a link to the numbers 13 and 24 in our family. Mum and Dad were born on the 24th. They married on the 13th. I was born on the 13th, on their anniversary. My brother was born on another 13th a couple of years later. My Dad passed away on the 24th a few years ago. And now Mum has passed on the 24th.

Some say the Angels communicate to us through number sequences, the numbers 1234 being one of them. Well, 1324 isn’t that far away, all things considered.

My brother found a feather in a box as we were sorting out her home, which took him aback a little. “Here’s your feather!” he said, handing it to me. “Thanks, Mum!” I smiled.

Mum used to write notes so she wouldn’t forget important things. The note she wrote on her birthday was Clocks go back one hour tonight. This was her last note. She had a battery-powered analogue alarm clock, which I set back for her on the day of the 25th, when she first started feeling unwell. As my brother and I were sorting out her home, I noticed that the clock had stopped. 10:56. One hour back form 11:56. And being an analogue clock, the hands pointed to 11 and 56.

So even though I can’t see Mum any longer, I can’t talk to her face to face, I can’t hug her (even though I couldn’t due to the current situation last year any way) I know she’s still with me. She even sent a bright white feather today. I can smell her perfume.

Years ago, I asked her, once she’d departed our mortal coil, if she’d come back to be my Guardian Angel. I’m seeing signs that she has. Although, thinking about it, she always has been.

Good night, God Bless, Mum. Sleep well. Love you.

This is the reason I’ve been absent from Blogland for so long. I will be returning soon, possibly posting once or twice a week to get back into the flow of things. I may never catch up with the posts I’ve missed on the blogs I follow, so will start reading all new posts and move forward from there.

Please remember, as I said at the beginning, make the most of every day. Time changes in a split second. Don’t leave it too late for the moment could soon be gone.

42 thoughts

  1. So very sorry to hear about your mum TL….Losing a loved one is so final, so complete. It’s hard to think of them gone. But they are but only in the flesh. She is with you always flashing numbers at you to remember! Glad to have you back but sad that her passing was what freed you up to return to blogging. Take care TL and know people are thinking of you and sending prayers….Gentle peace to you…..VK ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh Tom ….I’m sorry. Having said good by to my Mom just this past March, soon to be one year, I do understand . You know…our friend Cob receives white feathers from her Mom often. …in the strangest places….you just never know.
    I do believe we get signs that every thing is alright. Mine came with a tree full of Chick-a-dees the first Mothers Day after my youngest son left for Heaven. That was along time ago …24 years this past Dec. 15. Every thing WILL be alright.
    Love you.. Hang in there …the earth is still spinning.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I am so sorry for your loss Tom you may remember I lost my mum on Christmas Eve two years ago. I feel your loss . I dream often about my mum and talk to her , I can still hear her voice in my head. I have no doubt that she is still around and that we will be reunited again when the time is right. Take care and come back soon, Elaine ❤️😇🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Elaine. Yes, I remember your Mum passing at Christmas time, although I didn’t remember the exact date. It just makes the time all the more special now. They are always with us… the signs are there.

      Liked by 1 person

            1. Firstly, Happy Birthday 🎂 for yesterday, Elaine.
              I must admit to not noticing the Full Moon yesterday, which is odd as I’ve been seeing the Moon in the sky during the daytime lately… just not put the two together! 🙄😊

              Liked by 1 person

  4. Tom, I am sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my mum when I was 23 years old and I know she is still with me in my heart and in my mind. Take care and look forward to your return. 🥀

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My condolences, Tom. Your mum has two loving sons to look after from afar — or from nearer than is thought. How comforting that you and your brother shall continue to find more signs of her presence.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh Tom, so sorry for your loss. So sorry that your beloved mom has passed over. But there’s a lot of hope in your lovely words. Hold on to the signs and keep them in your heart, for that is where our loved ones stay… forever. Take care, my friend 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dear Tom, my sincere condolences for your sad loss of your dear Mum.
    No words I could ever say to you could express the great void you and your family must be feeling having lost your Mum on Christmas Eve.
    Numbers as we know mean everything in our mathematical reality, taking notice of them can be an art.
    I’m sure your dear Mum will find lots of ways in which to send you messages Tom.
    It was by chance this morning your post popped up top of my email, I have been absent myself in WP for a time.
    But as we know nothing is ever by chance.
    Sending you and your family my thoughts my friend.
    Love and blessings 🤗
    Sue 🙏💙

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Sounds like your mum was a wonderful lady Tom. 🙂 ❤

    I know it is painful for you, but she’ll watch over you until it is your time.

    And in the meantime you have a lot of good memories and that is more precious than you might think.

    Love and hugs my friend.


    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dear Tom I am so sorry to hear your mom. What a beautiful woman she was because you are so nice dear Tom, they never leave us dear, they are always with us… And the most beautiful part is you have beautiful memories… Rest in Peace your beautiful mother, My heart, my prayers with you tonight, Hugs and Love, nia

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m so sorry for your loss, Tom. You’ve remembered your mother so beautifully in this post, and she’ll live on in your memories (and in occasional feathers). Sending you wishes for peace and comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Oh Tom, I’m so sorry to read this very sad news about your dear Mum. What a touching, poignant tribute to her. The clock…that is something…and the feather, heaven sent! Four years on from my darling Dad leaving this earth, without fail, when I need my robin, it appears close by as a reminder that Dad is watching over me. My dear Mum suffered a stroke just before Christmas. Not being able to be with her in hospital was awful. Thankfully, she is recovering at home now. I am so glad you could be with your Mum at the end, what greatpeace you gave her. That same peace will stay with you always. Take care, Tom, grieve well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Sherri. The clock was breathtaking! And the feathers. And I was at the crematorium yesterday, sat in my car, and a Robin landed on the wall beside me, it looked directly at me. I said hello, Mum!
      Not seeing loved ones in hospital is awful. Hopefully your Mum will recover soon.
      You take care as well, Sherri.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Dear Tom,
    Oh, how I hesitated to click the ‘Like’ button.
    My deepest condolences for your loss. I wonder, at times, when people aren’t blogging
    if they’re okay. Holidays can block us from blogging, as often as we’d like, sometimes.
    Sadly, in this instance, it wasn’t.
    Your words about the process and how this unfolded, brought me along with you.
    It feels like you had a special relationship with your mother. Those memories will forever keep her
    close to you. I hope you and your brother and family heal with the love you have for each other.
    May your mother Rest In Peace 🙏🙏🙏
    Isadora ❤️ 😎

    Liked by 1 person

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