With me in mind…

Way back on October 11th last year (2010 in case this is being read in 2012 or later), I wrote a post called ‘Which Me is the ME me?’, and, if I’m not mistaken, it may be the first post where I introduced Bernard.

Since Bernard appeared on the scene, other inner personalities of mine have wanted to get their names mentioned in the blog. Most of their names are actually Tom, but, with them all being quite demanding personality aspects, they want their independence, and they want their own names. As for them having their independence, I have politely refused each and every one of them. Well, I can’t have several hundred mini versions of me running about on the planet now, can I? But, as for their names, I thought, “Why not?!”

I named Bernard first because this was the loudest ‘voice’ I heard in my head back then. Before you shout, “Oh, no! This blogger is hearing voices in his head!”, the voices are perfectly fine and normal, and thank you for your concern. Although I do regularly have conversations with these voices, this all takes place inside my head, and within a very short time period.

Before I move on, I must say that my mind is like a TARDIS when it comes to the amount of things that are going on in there, the things that fit in there, and the things that I lose in there and haven’t got a clue where they are. I tend to lose lots of things in my mind, only to find them whilst out shopping, or driving, or writing a post for my blog. I’m not saying I’m forgetful, but with all of that space in there, it is no wonder that things… erm… where was I?

Ah yes, my inner personality names.

Bernard, as I have mentioned, is my nagging inner voice. The constant inner critic that makes me stop doing something I want to do in case ‘this’ happens. The voice that says I am never good enough to do anything, and am destined to fail. Not that Bernard is right, of course. It is good that he serves his purpose as an inner warning signal, but sometimes he can hold me back, and then tell me how stupid I was for not doing what I wanted to do – even though he had also told me not to do it! Even though he is more hassle than seems fair, he is by far the loudest of my inner personalities, so he gets a mention first. He is currently on a faraway mission with the second inner personality, Fred.

Fred is the angry driver in me. Fred brings out frustration, angst, anger, and makes me see red even if the traffic lights are green. I thought at first that Fred was actually Bernard, but their voices are totally different. Fred tends to normally operate me through my actions rather than through my mind, so he is a tricky and dangerous part of my personality.
After I had gotten out of my car after a particular stressful journey just around the corner, I shouted at Bernard (in my head remember!) to leave my driving up to me, and I was puzzled why Bernard responded with silence. If ever I’m frustrated by something, Bernard’s voice can be heard telling me how useless I am, but this time he said nothing. It was later, when I spotted the actions of another driver’s Fred that I realised that my Fred was separate to Bernard; and since then the two have been separate inner entities of mine. And both of them, at the moment, are off looking for a golden needle in a multiverse full of haystacks inside my mind, so I’ve had a relatively quiet time of late.

I have a very lazy, restful and relaxing side to me which is always telling me to take things easy. He is always saying that things will get done when they get done, and just “chill now man!” He, actually, isn’t even in a rush to be named, but as he has quite a strong influence (in a non-influential, don’t put yourself out kind of way) I thought I’d name him next, and then we can all have a sleep. I mean move on to the next one! I have a middle name, Liam, which I hardly ever use, so this is ideal for him. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to use this name again, so once more, Liam is my relaxing side.

My inner writer wants to be named next. In fact, my inner writer has been the one who has kept me going with writing these blog posts since last May when I first started. My inner writer also wants to point out that he is in no way connected to my inner typist, who is utterly terrible. My inner typist doesn’t care how many back spaces are used, letters changed or paragraphs deleted, but my inner writer groans at every single one. Unfortunately, my inner writer’s name has to be Tom. It can’t be changed to anything else, as it is me who is actually doing the writing. Even if I said that my inner writer’s name was George it wouldn’t feel right. But wait! Aquatom1968 has stepped forward to save the day!

My inner superhero, Aquatom1968, is my online character. Not exactly a part of my inner population of personalities, he is as real a character to me as Bernard, Fred and George (oh, go on then!) are. But, is he a characteristic of me (Tom), or my writing personality, George? See what I said about my mind being like a TARDIS? You can meet yourself with all of the weird things that go on in there!

Keeping most things in order, is my spiritual side, who seems to have a dual name. True and Tarot. Every now and then, I’ll receive a thought from Tarot and my mind will wander off in search of all things mystical and spiritual; and at other times True will appear and I’ll be searching for facts and figures. My spiritual side never comments about what I am doing, he only prompts me, gives guidance every now and then, and generally seems to observe more than take part.

So, there we have half a dozen or so named personalities who inhabit this mind of mine. Keeping them all together, in the flesh so to speak, is me, Tom. Slightly bewildered, somewhat confused, and mostly happy, I enjoy writing about myself in a surreal way. Breaking myself down like this really helps me to get to know my inner self better. It may not help with physical things, but they’ll all fit nicely into place once my inner being has been brought into correct alignment.

I have only touched the surface here with my inner personalities, there are many more, but space and time here, in blogland, is limited (unlike the infinity that is my mind and the rest of the universe!). I’ll introduce further personalities as time goes on, but before this post ends, I have an urge for one last paragraph to type:

As i ahven’t been introfusced in the paragraph that George was, I’d like to introduce myself to you all personally. My name is Fingers, and I’m the typist who has to tyo==pe each and everyome of these letters, space bars and backspaces everydat. I never complain once, nor do I receive any complaints for my tying skills!

Well, thanks for that, Fingers! I couldn’t have said it better myself!