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Passing the time

no timeToday’s post is a little ‘wait and see’ what happens. I’ve had a very quiet day today. I’ve enjoyed driving thanks to the fact that I have sent Bernard and Fred off on a ‘mission impossible’ type of task… they are searching for a haystack in the millions of rooms in my mind, and then they are going to search for a needle in it! It turns out they just wanted something to do, and were more than willing to take the task on board. So, no negative thoughts today. I think I should find more things to keep my mind occupied.

If I had more things to keep my mind occupied, writing posts for my blog would be a lot easier. Then again, there is nothing more challenging than a challenge; I mean it would be pretty boring if it was easy.

I’ve discovered a new fact about 1642 today. I’m still nowhere near to finding out why I’m drawn to that particular time period, but I had a prompt to look for more information when I looked at the time on my mobile phone this afternoon… 16:42. When these messages come in, they must be listened to. The event I have learned about today is based in North America, but came about with French origins. Montreal in Canada came into existence in 1642, well a part of it called Ville Marie did anyway. Paul de Chomedey, sieur de Maisonneuve founded the settlement, which over time grew and grew and grew!  Hopefully my knowledge of this time period will grow (maybe not as big) and I will find out once and for all why I have this connection. If not, I always have the option to try a past life regression.

I’m intrigued and apprehensive at the same time about being hypnotised. Intrigued at what I may find out and experience, and apprehensive about having information ‘placed’ inside my mind rather than me remembering it (or being made to walk like a chicken!) I’m sure there are some bona fide past life therapists out there, and I am certainly not casting any aspersions that they would partake in parlour tricks. I’ll try to find out what I can for myself first though, and, when the time is right, I just know that I’ll meet one of these therapists entirely by chance. Coincidences do happen – and to me quite a lot!

Back on the subject of keeping my mind busy, I find that the time passes much more quickly when I have something to concentrate on. I will have to have a think tomorrow for something that I can be getting on with in work on Monday, otherwise I’ll have another week as un-productive as last week. Time for thinking of nothing is for the weekends, or evenings, when I want to have a rest, and notice that I am taking things easy. It’s not really the best option for when I’m meant to be working. And saying that, I have had, possibly, one of the longest Saturdays I can remember! Not long and boring, but rather long and very enjoyable. A great restful day, with no negativity. In fact, when I checked the time on my mobile phone, I was expecting it to be much later, so I was pleasantly surprised twice by the time.

Although I want to be doing something to help me to write my posts and pass the time in work, in the same breath, I don’t want to be doing anything in my own time, which is kind of paradoxical in itself as I write my posts in my own time – so I’m doing something anyway! I’m passing the time writing about doing something that has changed how the time passes. I’m doing my usual ‘looking too deeply’ thing here, so I think I’ll leave it right there!

All in all, I’ve had a fabulous Saturday! No complaints! And I feel good. I love to feel good! Just thought I’d mention that…

My Inner Fred

DRIVINGI can not deny things any longer. I have been infected. I have become one of the type of beings everyone secretly dreads becoming. I am no longer in control of my senses. I have unleashed my Inner Fred. Or rather, my Inner Fred has been unleashed.

To be honest, this has absolutely nothing to do with me whatsoever. I am an innocent bystander in this whole sorry affair, while my body – and mind – is taken over in such an uncontrollable fashion, in such an undignified way, in such a shameful example that humanity has to offer. When I’m driving, my Fred bubbles to the surface.

I don’t know where it has all come from. Perhaps it stemmed from this post back in March, when I named this particular aspect of people’s characters ‘Fred’, but it isn’t very nice.

I’ve always felt a little frustrated when driving, particularly at red traffic lights (which I have commented on about a thousand times during the time of this blog), and a little less frustrated in traffic jams. I’m apprehensive when another driver is driving that close behind me, they are practically sitting in my back seat. I’m anxious when a motorist will overtake me on a road with a 30 mile per hour speed limit, at eighty miles an hour (well, that’s how it feels anyway). I’m perplexed when pedestrians walk in the road without a care that they are putting their own lives at risk, and also delaying other road users. And I’m annoyed when thoughtless drivers drive into a box junction when they can see the way ahead is not clear.

Bernard, my nagging inner voice, has always told me to do these annoying things. Drive into that junction and block them in – you know someone will do it to you! He’ll start off with, and then, to make things worse, he’ll say But you won’t do it because you are useless. You are less than useless.

Of course, I don’t listen to Bernard, and drive the way I was taught, almost a century ago (and passed my driving test first time around, I add in a big-headed way!). I stick to the speed limit, carefully observing any hazards that may appear in the road. I’m always waiting at the front of a queue at a set of red traffic lights because I always stop when the lights are on amber. I sit and watch patiently, as all around me other drivers are losing their heads, and their cool, because they are being delayed in the latest traffic jam. I have always been that way.

I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what went wrong. I don’t know when it went wrong. This week, I have been like a man possessed on the road. I’ve jumped a red traffic light (well, it was a second away from changing to red, and where in the past I’d have stopped, I drove on regardless). I pulled out into another lane of traffic because the queue ahead had annoyed me, and I drove on again regardless. The driver in the car that was about three car lengths behind me didn’t like me doing this, and honked their horn at me. Bernard wanted me to gesture something, but I firmly told him to shut up.

I was thinking two things. What had just happened? and what could have happened? If the car was closer, neither of us would have been driving any further along the road. And instead of being stuck in a traffic jam, I’d have probably been the cause of one.

I don’t drive like that. Tiredness is not an excuse. Being late is not an excuse. Wanting to be where I was going is also not an excuse. So why did I do it?

What has changed within me, that has released my Inner Fred, and turned me into this road-raged monster? I can hear Bernard laughing at me as I type this – at least I think it’s Bernard… it may be Fred.

What makes things worse, is that I only have a little car. It’s a fabulous black runabout that zips around the streets with the greatest of ease, but it isn’t a racing car. Which is good, because I’m not your average typical boy racer anyway – I don’t like too much speed.

So, how can a gentle, patient, respectful driver change into a monster with little – or no – provocation?

My nagging inner voice tries to talk me into all sorts of things, which I usually ignore. So that can only mean one thing. I have another nagging inner voice. Only this inner voice is less vocal than Bernard, but also has control of my body… and is, unfortunately, impulsive.

I must learn to keep control of myself from now on when driving. I am disciplined and can do it when I focus, so if I need to concentrate more on my driving style rather than getting from A to B things should improve. I’m asking for help from the universe too, as I feel I need it. I feel as though there is only a small part of me having to fight off two inner demons that want to control me, and take over me. Bernard’s tame. I can handle Bernard most of the time. Fred, however, is devious. Sinister. And secretive.

I have a feeling that if Fred has recruited Bernard to do his bidding, I may be in for a bit of a rocky time whilst driving.

Having said that, though, I am me, as I constantly go on about. My thoughts are part of me, and there are many aspects within me that I can call on to assist me whenever this darkness tries to take over me again. It may appear that I am having an inner dispute with myself, but it is worth it in the long run.

I mean, I’d rather do what is safe and healthy than something impulsive and stupid.

I’m also keeping my eyes open wider for other people who drive in this way (the stupid way), so I can avoid them. If Fred is active, I am open to this sub-conscious suggestion, so I will fall into the same patterns… remember what we think about we bring about.

I want the roads I use to be safe. And that safety must begin with me.

If you are behind me, and I’m holding you up whilst driving at the speed limit, or stopping on an amber traffic light, or not entering a box junction, I’m not doing it to annoy you. I’m hoping that you will realise that I’m driving properly. Safely. Calmly.

Keep Calm and Carry On.

The boredom of having it all

emptinessI want to write about something different today. Something different, and something easy.

I’ve had almost a whole week of having nothing to do at work. Having nothing to do is probably the easiest thing of all to carry out, but, we’re not meant to be in work to have nothing to do. That’s why it’s called work – we are there to do something.

What isn’t easy, is looking as though I’m doing something when I have nothing to do. Making something that takes thirty seconds to do last for two, maybe three hours. I’ve done it, so it can be done, although I had to ‘work’ very slowly indeed. I’ve also perfected my thumb twiddling technique, and I can now twiddle my thumbs forwards, backwards, in an artistic figure-of-eight movement, and in slow motion. The slow motion movement took me a little time to perfect… and I’m a perfectionist… some of the time!

So, although I had nothing allocated to work on, I did find a few things that I could pass the time with; I made sure that no stone was left un-turned, so I was actually working at something. And it looks as though I’ll probably have to find something to do tomorrow as well, but tomorrow is another day. You never know, I could be writing tomorrow about my fabulous lottery win… or my fabulous dream of my lottery win… we’ll have to wait an see what happens there.

…Winning big on the lottery, or the football pools, or the premium bonds – or even being handed a huge cheque by a passing stranger in the street (a huge “hello!” and a nice friendly smile to any nice, passing stranger who happens to be walking passed me, and who would like to hand me a huge cheque…) would allow for plenty of time to have nothing to do, so with the practice that I’ve had this week I’m well on my way to the second part of this little dream scenario.

But, if this phenomenal amount of money landed in my lap, allowing me to say good-bye to work once and for all, I’d probably get bored quite quickly:

  • I mean, there are only so may Caribbean Islands that can be visited on my luxury cruise liner
  • I’d soon start to feel weary of driving around in a brand new car every week
  • What do I need to buy fantastic looking clothes for when my current clothes are more than comfortable?
  • I’d miss my regular supermarkets as I’d be shopping in more expensive places
  • I mean my staff would be shopping in more expensive places
  • I’d have to buy a couple of pets so they can travel around with me – or my staff
  • I’d start to feel tired of constantly decorating Aquatom Mansion
  • Dare I say it, but I may not be able to read after reading all of the books I wanted to, although I could pay my favourite writers to create something just for me
  • Champagne would lose it’s appeal after a couple of months
  • I wouldn’t need to look into the history records to find information about 1642, as my historians would have found all the facts for me
  • I’d soon lose the enjoyment of having a lie in every morning, but wouldn’t need to get up. I could get my staff to have lies in too, but then we’d all become fed up of it

If I had everything that I ever wanted, and there was nothing left for me to want, I’d be bored. I could re-look at the things I have, but feel empty. There would be nowhere further to go. Nothing further to dream about, or to aim for. To save for. To look forward to. I’d have to be handed a heck of a lot of money to get to that stage, but I doubt that I actually would reach that stage. There is always someone else who could do with a little more money too. And I suppose I could help them, given half a chance.

Until my passing stranger hands over these uncountable millions to me, I’m stuck with having to go to work to do nothing. Well, for this week at least. Next week, I may be busy again – and wishing that I had more time to get things done.

At the end of the day, having it all or having nothing, I still have to pass the time with something. I can moan about what I have or haven’t got, or concentrate on my now and enjoy the moment. At least I can daydream about could bes and what ifs. When I have the time, that is!

Dream destination: Just outside of New York City

solI was in my parallel dream universe again last night. No flying this time, and the dream was more focussed on the place rather than the people.

When I dream, I have a feeling of whether I’m at home or in another country. My dream the other night of being by the sea, was ‘set’ in the UK. My dream last night, was ‘set’ just outside of New York City. The New York City of my dreams is slightly different to the New York City of the ‘real’ world.

I’ve dreamt of being in New York many times. I had a recurring nightmare after the 9/11 attacks that I was either in one of the towers during the attack, or I was flying in to the city (by conventional methods – on a plane!) and saw the attacks taking place through the window of my plane. One dream I had, I was leaving the city, by air again, when the attacks took place, and again I could see the horrific events taking place through the window of my plane. These dreams always had the feeling of ‘getting away from it just in time’. They weren’t the most pleasant of dreams I’ve had, but they are among the most vivid.

The dream I had last night took place just outside of New York City. I don’t know the name of the road, but it is one of the main streets in New York. Looking from the Statue of Liberty, you would be travelling towards the right along this main road. Continue along this road for about an hour, as it snakes around the mountain, and you will arrive at the place where I was staying. The mountain blocks out the view of the New York skyline, but you don’t need to travel that far to be able to see it again in the distance. There is also no mobile phone coverage in this area, so be warned if you dream that you go there.

A short walk onwards from this place (I don’t know if it is a town, a house, a hamlet) the path opens out into a very long walkway, with a knee high wall all along the right hand side, and every now and then there are wrought iron gates. Beyond the wall, is Texas, and the only way in is through the gates, which get further and further apart from each other the more you walk along this walkway. You just don’t step over the wall – the temptation to do so isn’t even there.

Along this walkway, the weather is fabulous. Always sunny and warm.

Eventually, the walkway joins up with another road, which you can see along for miles. In the distance, looking left, you can see a white bridge, and just over that bridge there is a road that you need to turn left into to get back onto the road that leads along the front of New York City, and to the point where I described looking at from the Statue of Liberty earlier. Looking right, and the road continues along the perimeter of Texas. The occasional building stands out from the greenery and hills, and every now and then the mountain will pop back into view, but this area is very much open space. I did say that the New York of my dreams is completely different to the real one.

So, I’m in this hamlet-place, and can’t use my mobile phone. I’m in the shade of the mountain, and can’t see New York. And I’m looking for something. It’s something very important, but it’s something that isn’t for me. Only, I don’t know what it is that I’m looking for. I need to find it by a certain time, and I wake up before finding what it is.

It wasn’t a frustrating dream – the openness was breath-taking… refreshing too, in a way. The not knowing and not finding what I was looking for was a feature of the dream, but not the main event – the place had the emphasis.

Could this indicate a need to look at things in a different way? Or a sign that I’m looking at things that just aren’t for me? Or do I need to open up more? And why do I keep re-visiting this same location?

The more I think, the more questions I find I ask.

Why I usually don’t need a time machine on a Tuesday

Terrible Tuesday today. No, not terrible as in ghastly and horrible! No… terrible because I can’t think of a topic to write about. It seems to happen very regularly with me, but most often on Tuesdays. And it has been a long day.

One solution to this lack of ideas problem would be not to post on a Tuesday, but this would abruptly end the PostADay challenge, so that isn’t even an option at the moment.

Another solution would be to use the suggestions over at the Daily Post, and write about whatever inspiring topics are over there. I always seem to visit on the days when the topic is quite random and/or something I can’t use. I suppose today’s ‘if I could be a pilot’ isn’t a bad topic, but I can’t think of anything that I would actually like to pilot, so it’s a bit useless for me right now… so this is another option out of the window. Although, I may come back to this later…

I could revisit an old post, and provide an update, but as this blog isn’t one year old yet, it may be a bit too soon for that. Maybe next year, so this is also a no go area at present.

I could moan about current affairs, but I don’t want to. I could review a recent TV episode of something, but I haven’t seen TV for a while, or I could write about some favourite music I’m hearing; but again nothing is coming to mind. Nothing worthy of a blog post anyway…

If I’d had a quicker day at work, and my mind had been used more, maybe something would have fired and ideas would be flowing through my fingertips to type. As it happened, I was at my desk twiddling my thumbs for about six hours, and the day was made even longer by the fact that I had arrived half an hour earlier than usual, by setting off five minutes earlier than usual.

Of any day to use a time machine, today would not be one of them. There was more than enough time without the need to travel backwards half an hour, and I managed that this morning without the time machine anyway. So, I won’t be going back to the ‘pilot’ option after all. You’d think with an abundance of time, the ideas would be flowing, but no, it doesn’t work that way with me. If I was really busy, things would spring to mind that I could forget about, but when I’m quiet, my mind goes to sleep.

I think between 9 and 12 this morning, I was caught up in my own time loop, and each minute seemed like an hour. I can twiddle my thumbs a hundred times a minute, and counted the twiddles over and over again. The word ‘number’ was mentioned 67 times – not that I was counting this, I was counting my twiddles, but it was something I’d noticed.

I suppose one good reason for having a time machine would be to go back (or forward) to a better Tuesday, but if I did that, I’d be missed on this one. Not that there was anything to actually miss, but how would I know if I wasn’t here?

Time’s a funny thing. At times, I always want more of it. And when I have more time, I can’t think of anything to do. Still, at times like these I can say they are very relaxing, which in itself isn’t a bad thing.