A Long Long Time Ago Miles From Anywhere

“Rimaykullayki!” waved the strangely garbed visitor as he approached King Rabletop III whilst doing his morning exercises. The king stared forward without uttering a word.

“Rimaykullayki!” said the stranger again, not sure if Rabletop had heard him the first time. “I’m Alan. My ass and I are lost. I think we took a left when we should have took a right back there. We’re heading to Machu Picchu.”

Rabletop stood properly and looked at his strange visitor. “You’ve made me lose count now”, he grumbled.

“Sorry, my strangely dressed friend. Do you know if I’m heading in the right direction?”

“Strangely dressed friend? You can talk. What’s that bird growing out of your head?”

“Bird out of…? Oh, you are referring to my regal feathers. I am Apu Alan, King Alan, Son of the Sun.”

“King? I am the only King of the Land. I am King Rabletop III of this Great Egyptian Empire.”

“Shouldn’t you be an Emperor then? Of an empire?” Alan was genuinely confused.

“Never mind that!” Rabletop didn’t like being questioned, so decided to ask another question. “Son of the Sun? Does that mean Great Ra is your father?” Rabletop bowed respectfully and raised his hands up to the sky.

“No,” Alan replied. “My father’s name is George. I was appointed Apu Alan last week, and have since then been looking for a site suitable for Machu Picchu. I was told to search the lands for a well-hidden site deep within a rainforest. Obviously I’m lost as there’s only a couple of trees here. Do you know of any rainforests?”

“There’s an oasis just up the Nile,” Rabletop pointed back in the direction Alan had approached from. “Back that way. Way back. There aren’t any rainforests around here. It’s not very often we have rain.”

“Wait a minute.” Alan had a moment. “Egypt? The Nile? Land of the Great Pyramids?”

“Spheres.” Rabletop corrected. “Great Spheres. I take it you’ve heard of us?”

“Oh yes, but I thought you had pyramids.” Alan’s eyes widened. “When I find the site of Machu Picchu, I shall construct some of the greatest pyramids ever built there, and then construct more in the lands all around. Our great civilisations will differ because of your spheres and our pyramids. We will be known the world over for hundreds of years to come! Yes, the signs are all there!”

Rabletop pondered the pyramids, but still decided his spheres would be the way forward.

“I shall leave you to your sunbathing then.” Alan said cheerily. “I shall head back the way I came, and look for this oasis of which you speak. If it isn’t suitable, I shall continue on my journey. Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Once again Alan waved.

“Rome?” Questioned Rabletop. He watched his visitor and his donkey walk back over the triangular sand dunes and away into the distance, where they first became tiny dots and then disappeared from view completely. “Why does everyone want pyramids?” He bowed, looked up to the sky, and then restarted his morning exercise.